Raising Resilient Children

[Funz]

prata_queen:

Thanks Chen for sharing your thoughts.


Where the children are concerned, I always err on the side of caution. All strangers (man especially) are assumed bad. By that, I mean that I do not allow them near my children without either me or dh being around. In practice, this means that I will not select a CC with a male teacher, she has no weekend enrichment classes yet, but if she starts on one, the teacher will need to be a lady, UNLESS the class allows parents to accompany the child, then I am ok to have a male teacher. She does not pop over to neighbour’s house unaccompanied, nor do we leave her at friends’ house (birthday parties etc) even for a short while. We have no maid, just me and dh, with the occasional help of my mum and MIL. So other than her 7am-7pm at CC, dh and I are the ones taking care of her and my #2.

Then when she goes to primary school?

[prata_queen]

Either my mum would have retired in 3 years time (unlikely cos she loves her work), or I find a reliable basc, or my plan to be a sahm will kick-in.

[Funz]

prata_queen:

Either my mum would have retired in 3 years time (unlikely cos she loves her work), or I find a reliable basc, or my plan to be a sahm will kick-in.

Heheh. Sorry, my question not very clear.

What I meant to ask was, if you have this aversion to male teacher/staff then when come time for your DD to go to primary school how? In childcare or preschool the staff are predominantly female but in primary schools, there are many male teachers.

[prata_queen]

Funz, no worries haha.


Well, I would think a 7yo would be more aware of the ‘dangers’ of the male species than a 4yo. Anywayz, my alma mater is an all girls convent school. 20 years ago, we only had 1 male teacher amongst the entire school of girls and lady teachers.

[prata_queen]

We seem to have 2 camps replying to the original topic vs my post on male teachers. Sorry markfch for ‘hijacking’ your thread!

[Chenonceau]

markfch:

Then one day, the student care admin told me straight-in-my-face that ds doesn't know how to socialise. In her own words, she said, \"Your son is not street smart, I don't know how to help him.\" Boy, that still hurts till today. :frustrated:


Now, I totally disagree with her judgement.

Parenting is such a fine skill nowadays. Luckily I'm enjoying it.

And it looks like you're doing a fine job too... for if you don't have faith in your son, who else will?

:udaman:

[Funz]

insider:

My take (being a believer of more nature then nurture):

If a child has a certain inclination towards something, over the long run, the child will still go towards that direction REGARDLESS of how parents try to mould /unmould etc. We may think that we have successfully achieved our 'objective' now by trying to do/advise something against something, but the long term effect may still be null. We may have lived in the illusion of that we have done something right for our kids but only time can tell whether such actually build or harm our kids in their overall emotional development journey (academic journey is always far easier to build than the emotional one).

Insider this is my fear, deep deep down, that DD is hardwired to respond this way. But that does not mean I do not try to mould her towards something less harmful. I still hold the hope that even if she may hardwired a certain way, with constant guidance and influence, maybe it will cushion the natural development of this negative trait.

[Funz]

:imcool: I'm patting myself on my back now. I managed to read that what Insider posted in Chinese without having to check up how to read some words. Hahah.


Insider, thank you very much for your inputs.

I don't normally tell my kids how to go about resolving their problems instead I will keep asking them questions to get them thinking and reflecting. I don't believe in solving their problems for them. Little things like the kids coming to me complaining that some kid at the playground is using vulgar language at them, I will ask them so what do you think you should do. Or when they have a disagreement, I will be of no help as I will tell them to think of a way to come to an agreement.

When they confide in me certain things, I may give my opinion and suggestions but what they do thereafter, that is their decision. Unless it is something that is destructive to themselves or towards the people around them, I will try to leave them to muddle through.

The incident yesterday when Mama Bear reared her head, I must admit, Prideful Mama was egging Mama Bear on as well. My biggest flaw is being too prideful. I did not like the idea of my child apologising when she has done no wrong. It is ok to still be friends with L but there is no need to go begging for her friendship. That is my pride speaking.

Ok pride aside. In the situation between DD and L, it is not so much the dynamics of her relationship with L (oh by the way, they are friends again today :roll: ) that bothers me, it's that particular trait (that caught your attention) that DD seem to be exhibiting that is worrying me.

Where DS is concern, yup he appears to have a pretty high EQ. And like I said, parenting DS, up until now has been a breeze. And rest assured I will not be that kiasu. It is hard work being a kiasu parent. I am too lazy to be that kind of kiasu parent.

[markfch]

prata_queen:

We seem to have 2 camps replying to the original topic vs my post on male teachers. Sorry markfch for ‘hijacking’ your thread!

Don't worry about it. You're more than welcome to post here. I also get to learn from some of the tips provided.

Chenonceau:

And it looks like you're doing a fine job too... for if you don't have faith in your son, who else will?

Thanks Chen. Yalor, I'll never give up on my son.

[markfch]

insider:

If a child has a certain inclination towards something, over the long run, the child will still go towards that direction REGARDLESS of how parents try to mould /unmould etc. We may think that we have successfully achieved our 'objective' now by trying to do/advise something against something, but the long term effect may still be null. We may have lived in the illusion of that we have done something right for our kids but only time can tell whether such actually build or harm our kids in their overall emotional development journey (academic journey is always far easier to build than the emotional one)

Hey insider,
Your post worries me leh. I would hate to imagine that after all the effort - I certainly put in my share of the effort - I put in, in the end they'll all come to naught. :gloomy:

That's very sad isn't it? Surely I can mould and influence ds's character; I just need to find the right 'ingredients'.

Funz:

My biggest flaw is being too prideful. I did not like the idea of my child apologising when she has done no wrong. It is ok to still be friends with L but there is no need to go begging for her friendship. That is my pride speaking.

But .... but, that is not pride (the bad kind). That's just standing up for one's right. I would have told ds not to write such letters when it's obvious that he's not in the wrong. I would not stop him if he does, but then the rule I'll communicate clearly to him is, I do not want to hear any complains about L henceforth since he has made his choice.