Raising Resilient Children

[Busymom]

LOLMum:

:ugogirl: all the best to your talk with TM's mum.


hope she is receptive to feedback and discussion and not be on the defensive and attack mode.

Thank you, LOLMum.

Actually, I am really having second thoughts... maybe chicken out

[Busymom]

Chenonceau:

Yuppy!! All the best!! Whatever it is you decide, go for it gal!!

Thank you once again. Probably not today at the meet-the-parent. Given that it happens at the music class outside the school, maybe will be more appropriate at the upcoming concert.

Plus, if things don't turn out well, at least I know I won't have to face her for some time after the concert... If I do it today, I still have to face her next week... :rotflmao:

[Busymom]

markfch:

Funz:

DD did this eye-rolling thing with me when she was in P1 as well. It is one thing when a teenager does this to you but a 7yr old...hmm. Well to me it is a sign of disrespect and I had to nip it in the bud. Both her behaviour and what I did that triggered it.

You have this problem too? I think ds picked this bad habit up from the older kids in school. Between K2 and P1, for better or worse, he has lost a lot of innocence.

Funz:

The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.

Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.

Funz:

But yup, you're right, not gonna help. So sat her down immediately and told her I do not like that kind of response, it is rude and I expect better of her. I admitted that I should not have been talking over her and, well, essentially nagging, and we made a deal. She cannot roll her eyes at me or anyone for that matter and if she finds me nagging, she has to come up to me and tell me she gets what I am saying and to trust that she will act on what I was nagging about.

I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call him

He said, \"No!\"

insider:

markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?

Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.

Well done! You achieve your objective without lifting a finger...

[Busymom]

markfch:

Chenonceau:

Kekekekeke!! I made fun of my DD at the rolling eyes stage. I told her that her eye balls will fall and roll on the floor, and quite away. A few times, I bent down and picked up her eyeballs. I also rolled my eyes at her to irritate her.


Then we talked.

This is funny and very creative. Gets everyone in the right mood for discussion and compromise. Next time I will adapt your method to handle ds's other idiosyncrasies. They will appear, it's just a matter of time.

Agree! Sometimes being funny can be more effective than \"nag until the cows come home\".

[Busymom]

markfch:

Busymom:

2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD

Any advice on which course of action I should take?

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

[Busymom]

Sun_2010:

markfch:

[quote=\"Busymom\"]
2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD

Any advice on which course of action I should take?

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

IMHO
My first reaction would be No way!

But on second thoughts I do believe, a person may not be as good as you tell them they are but will sure try hard to become as good.
But really that works if you genuinely think that the person is not very arrogant and is willing to change.
And you should not be feeling indignant.

For me and my ego, probably this would fail.[/quote]ha ha... I also have super high ego... this will fail with me.

As to whether TM will change, I have only seen her once at a concert ages ago. Not enough to assess her personality other than hearing what someone said about her and her sister.

[Funz]

markfch:

Funz:

The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.

Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.


I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call him

He said, \"No!\"

insider:

markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?

Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.

Markfch, I am a mama bear whereas you are a teddy bear. Haha. I'm definitely fiercer.

That sissy label cured him huh? Too bad it cannot be applied to DD. Well she hardly rolls her eyes at me anymore. So I guess our deal worked out. More in my favour then hers cos I still nag at her.

[Funz]

Busymom:

Funz:

[quote=\"Busymom\"]
Just today, the two met again in an external music class. They are usually not in the same class, but there was a group practice today. TM's sister (in the same primary school and at least 2-3 years older than the 2 girls) who was also there, apparently came to DD and said to her that she is the most stupid girl in the world. According to DD, TM did tell her a few days ago that her sister commented that DD is the most stupid girl in the world. DD doesn't know what was the incident that could have caused the sisters to make that sort of remark about her.

Oh boy! Deja vu. DD too had a similar encounter with her frenemy's older sister some time back. Out of the blue when the group of girls including L were playing, the older sis of L came up to DD and told her L will not be her friend as she is an awful person and a lousy friend and told DD to go away. When confronted like that by an older girl, DD was basically stunned. So she left the group and went to the library. Luckily for DD a few of the girls from that group joined her and that sort of cushioned the rejection.

:hugs: as a parent, it is sad to know such things happening to our precious, but it will be a bigger shock to me if I know that my child does this to another person, and especially to someone younger.

This is one of the reasons that make me think of speaking to TM's mother.[/quote]Yah :hugs: to you too.

Problem with DD is she still wants to be friend with this girl. Told her choice is hers and she knows what L is like so DD will just have to grow thicker skin and let those hurtful remarks just slide off her.

[Busymom]

Funz:

Yah :hugs: to you too.

Problem with DD is she still wants to be friend with this girl. Told her choice is hers and she knows what L is like so DD will just have to grow thicker skin and let those hurtful remarks just slide off her.

Your problem is much tougher than mine. DD doesn't want to be friend with TM (at least that is what she said, not sure if she says one thing, but mean another...), she is forced to have to deal with TM because of the seating and grouping arrangement in school. She also has to see TM once a month for that music class...

If your DD can become thicker skin, may not be a bad thing... but boy it sure hurts. I would.

[Busymom]

Busymom:

markfch:

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

Actually, I just remember that this is what the author of this book 好妈妈胜过好老师 did to a bully in her daughter's school, i.e. bought a book or something for the bully. Is this correct? Maybe I go back and check the book again and share with all what that incident was.