Raising Resilient Children
-
markfch:
Well done! You achieve your objective without lifting a finger...
You have this problem too? I think ds picked this bad habit up from the older kids in school. Between K2 and P1, for better or worse, he has lost a lot of innocence.Funz:
DD did this eye-rolling thing with me when she was in P1 as well. It is one thing when a teenager does this to you but a 7yr old...hmm. Well to me it is a sign of disrespect and I had to nip it in the bud. Both her behaviour and what I did that triggered it.Funz:
Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.
Funz:
I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call himBut yup, you're right, not gonna help. So sat her down immediately and told her I do not like that kind of response, it is rude and I expect better of her. I admitted that I should not have been talking over her and, well, essentially nagging, and we made a deal. She cannot roll her eyes at me or anyone for that matter and if she finds me nagging, she has to come up to me and tell me she gets what I am saying and to trust that she will act on what I was nagging about.
He said, \"No!\"
insider:
Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?
-
markfch:
Agree! Sometimes being funny can be more effective than \"nag until the cows come home\".
This is funny and very creative. Gets everyone in the right mood for discussion and compromise. Next time I will adapt your method to handle ds's other idiosyncrasies. They will appear, it's just a matter of time.Chenonceau:
Kekekekeke!! I made fun of my DD at the rolling eyes stage. I told her that her eye balls will fall and roll on the floor, and quite away. A few times, I bent down and picked up her eyeballs. I also rolled my eyes at her to irritate her.
Then we talked.
-
markfch:
kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.
Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.Busymom:
2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD
Any advice on which course of action I should take?
For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.
Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM. -
Sun_2010:
IMHO
Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.markfch:
[quote=\"Busymom\"]
2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD
Any advice on which course of action I should take?
For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.
My first reaction would be No way!
But on second thoughts I do believe, a person may not be as good as you tell them they are but will sure try hard to become as good.
But really that works if you genuinely think that the person is not very arrogant and is willing to change.
And you should not be feeling indignant.
For me and my ego, probably this would fail.[/quote]ha ha... I also have super high ego... this will fail with me.
As to whether TM will change, I have only seen her once at a concert ages ago. Not enough to assess her personality other than hearing what someone said about her and her sister. -
markfch:
Markfch, I am a mama bear whereas you are a teddy bear. Haha. I'm definitely fiercer.
Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.Funz:
The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.
I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call him
He said, \"No!\" insider:
Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?
That sissy label cured him huh? Too bad it cannot be applied to DD. Well she hardly rolls her eyes at me anymore. So I guess our deal worked out. More in my favour then hers cos I still nag at her.
-
Busymom:
:hugs: as a parent, it is sad to know such things happening to our precious, but it will be a bigger shock to me if I know that my child does this to another person, and especially to someone younger.
Oh boy! Deja vu. DD too had a similar encounter with her frenemy's older sister some time back. Out of the blue when the group of girls including L were playing, the older sis of L came up to DD and told her L will not be her friend as she is an awful person and a lousy friend and told DD to go away. When confronted like that by an older girl, DD was basically stunned. So she left the group and went to the library. Luckily for DD a few of the girls from that group joined her and that sort of cushioned the rejection.Funz:
[quote=\"Busymom\"]
Just today, the two met again in an external music class. They are usually not in the same class, but there was a group practice today. TM's sister (in the same primary school and at least 2-3 years older than the 2 girls) who was also there, apparently came to DD and said to her that she is the most stupid girl in the world. According to DD, TM did tell her a few days ago that her sister commented that DD is the most stupid girl in the world. DD doesn't know what was the incident that could have caused the sisters to make that sort of remark about her.
This is one of the reasons that make me think of speaking to TM's mother.[/quote]Yah :hugs: to you too.
Problem with DD is she still wants to be friend with this girl. Told her choice is hers and she knows what L is like so DD will just have to grow thicker skin and let those hurtful remarks just slide off her. -
Funz:
Your problem is much tougher than mine. DD doesn't want to be friend with TM (at least that is what she said, not sure if she says one thing, but mean another...), she is forced to have to deal with TM because of the seating and grouping arrangement in school. She also has to see TM once a month for that music class...
Yah :hugs: to you too.
Problem with DD is she still wants to be friend with this girl. Told her choice is hers and she knows what L is like so DD will just have to grow thicker skin and let those hurtful remarks just slide off her.
If your DD can become thicker skin, may not be a bad thing... but boy it sure hurts. I would. -
Busymom:
Actually, I just remember that this is what the author of this book ε₯½ε¦ε¦θθΏε₯½θεΈ did to a bully in her daughter's school, i.e. bought a book or something for the bully. Is this correct? Maybe I go back and check the book again and share with all what that incident was.
kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.markfch:
Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.
For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.
Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.
-
Funz:
Haha, just now ds pretended to roll his eyes and told me to go ahead and call him a sissy as there were only two of us in the room. \"Anyway nobody is watching what!\", he retorted. :roll:
Markfch, I am a mama bear whereas you are a teddy bear. Haha. I'm definitely fiercer.
That sissy label cured him huh? Too bad it cannot be applied to DD. Well she hardly rolls her eyes at me anymore. So I guess our deal worked out. More in my favour then hers cos I still nag at her. -
Busymom:
Actually, I just remember that this is what the author of this book ε₯½ε¦ε¦θθΏε₯½θεΈ did to a bully in her daughter's school, i.e. bought a book or something for the bully. Is this correct? Maybe I go back and check the book again and share with all what that incident was.
kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.Busymom:
[quote=\"markfch\"]
Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.
For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.
Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.[/quote]Went to read the chapter last night and the incident(s) went like this:
It happened when the author's DD was in P4. There was a boy who loved to play pranks on her DD, like pulling her hair from behind during class, or snatching and throwing DD's books to somewhere far for DD to run there to retreive, only to grab them and throw again before she got to the books, etc.
The author didn't intervene by going to the teacher, as she felt that the boy was just being mischievous and also, DD had already told her teacher about this matter. She didn't think it would change anything by going to the teacher.
When her DD was in P5, the boy started to harass her DD by making prank calls and once, even grab her DD from behind and planted a kiss on her head... DD was very upset and asked her parents to speak to the principal to expel the boy from school.
The author then decided to pick DD up from school one day and waited to speak to this boy. She bought a book for the boy, a book which both herself and DD enjoyed very much. She acknowledged that the book is a \"bribe\", but she also thought that through reading a good book, one gets to learn some moral values and become a better person.
So she managed to speak to the boy. The conversation was something like:
Author: Do you think my DD is a good classmate or bad classmate?
Boy: Good classmate.
Author: What are the good points that my DD possess?
Boy then said some good things (sorry, forgot what they are :oops: )
Author: What about bad points?
Boy: No, she doesn't have any.
Author: If my DD is a good classmate with no bad points, do you think anyone should bully her?
Boy: No...
Author: If anyone bullies her, you will surely help her, right?
Boy: Yes...
Author: You are such a good boy!
She patted his head and gave him the book. In the meantime, some KPO boys who were watching this interrupted and told the Author not to believe the boy, but Author said something else to ease the situation. The boy was grateful for that, and the author thought that she should have a word with the boy's parents, as she could sense that the boy was really not such a baddie. She felt that it might have been the way the boy's parents had been bringing up the boy. She went on to ask the boy if she could see his parents. The KPO friends then said something that made the author decided not to pursue this.
Well, after this meeting, the boy apparently stopped harassing her DD.
Subsequently, she heard that the boy's dad was serving time in jail, while the mother openly kicked her son in front of the teacher during a meeting with the teacher, which she felt would have resulted in low self-esteem in the boy. Soon after, the author moved to another location and never saw or heard about the boy again. She often wondered what happened to the boy, and regretted not trying hard enough to meet the boy's mother.
So, markfch, you are quite a good daddy! Maybe you should consider writing a book...
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better π
Register Login