Dealing with a Negative Child

[verygeksim]

hi jean

"fast is slow and slow is fast" is certainly something I have to mull over.

I thought the book you mentioned was a title by Dr Louise Porter but I realised that the author you mentioned is a He. Could you share the title of the book you’re referring to, please?

[Jade]

verygeksim:

hi jean

\"fast is slow and slow is fast\" is certainly something I have to mull over.

I thought the book you mentioned was a title by Dr Louise Porter but I realised that the author you mentioned is a He. Could you share the title of the book you're referring to, please?

Hi verygeksim

U hv PM! Btw I m Jade through n through. Not Jean...u must be really very Gek sim until..... :slapshead:

[autumnbronze]

toddles:

I also read a book \"if i have to tell you one more time\" that discourages praise and encourages affirmation because the former is dependent on the \"praiser\".

e.g.
Praise: I'm so proud of you (child becomes addicted to pleasing parent at all costs)
Affirmation: You must be so proud of how you've done that. (focuses on child)

Praise: Good girl! (why is she good? what in particular is good? am i bad, if you don't call me good?)
Affirmation: You were really helpful in doing that for your sister. (focuses on
the behaviour).

Of course, I take the advice with a pinch of salt, cos sometimes I just want to say \"I'm so proud of you!\" because I am. But not to say it so often that their self-worth is caught up in what mama thinks of them. And instead of
\"good girl!\" I say \" that's really good behaviour!\" and never say \"you've been a bad girl\", but say \"that's bad behaviour\".

Hi Toddles,

Thank you for sharing these useful tips :hugs:

[autumnbronze]

Hi Jade,


Received your PM

:thankyou:

[verygeksim]

Jade:

verygeksim:

hi jean

\"fast is slow and slow is fast\" is certainly something I have to mull over.

I thought the book you mentioned was a title by Dr Louise Porter but I realised that the author you mentioned is a He. Could you share the title of the book you're referring to, please?

Hi verygeksim

U hv PM! Btw I m Jade through n through. Not Jean...u must be really very Gek sim until..... :slapshead:

Good grief!!! I made the same mistake again!!!! aiyoh. sorry!!

and yes, received the PM. Thank you!

[cfan]

Hi


I don’t know whether the following would help,

So far along my parenting journey I have learnt never to compare my kids with other children. I have learnt to show them unconditional love and concern. I have learnt to ask them "What fun did you have at school today?" instead of "How many marks did you do for your lessons?" If your mindset is changed to just want to help them achieve the best they could with whatever abilities you can/have, I hope that they will "feel" your sincerity and together you can "go farther with your child"

Hope this helps. Jia You!!

[cjlim]

Mums, jia you! :lovesite:

[fable]

My P1 ds sometime gets very defensive when I spot a mistake he's made. What I do is focus on a benefit to him, e.g. if there is a mistake, he will have to do corrections, so I might remind him to check his work, and if he still doesn't spot it, then I ask if he would like me to run through it with him. Sometimes he'll say no, and I'll say ok then, and let him hand it in. When it comes back with corrections, I'll ask if he didn't know the answer or it was a careless mistake (its almost always a careless mistake!). If its the latter, then I'll just sympathise and say \"too bad you didn't catch the mistakes when you checked, then you wouldn't have to do these corrections. Would you like me to double check the next homework assignment?\" The challenge after that is to help them learn to check properly, rather than checking it for them, coz then i found he would just wait to be told what was wrong, which also frustrated me! I tell myself that its a marathon, not a sprint.


Jade, is the book you were referring to Nutureshock by Po Bronson? I thought the book was an interesting read and agreed with a lot of the stuff he said. Found a youtube clip on the topic. Love the diff between Western and Hong Kong moms [youtube=]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs9fddMg71o[/youtube]

[BraisedPorkBelly]

Hi verygeksim,


For the whinning issue, hang in there… you will see the light soon. My girl was like that too when she started P1 last yr. We pressed on with the routine of making her complete her work. Now she is into P2, we noticed her stamina has very much improved. She no longer whine as much. However we too noticed if we soft hearted & skipped a few days of work, her whinning will start again. Hehehe so no choice have to do consistently lor.

As for the talking back, I’ve made a pack with my husband to defend each other when such incidents happens. E.g. if my girl talks back or shout at me, my husband will jump in to tell her that this is not respectful & blah blah all the good things which I have done for her/family. Likewise if I spot her being disrespectful to her daddy, I will tell her off too.

[mummy so kiasu]

I think partially she is trying to get your attention & partially she does not like to do homework. I also have a P1 girl, just like you. I also having difficulties getting my girl to do her homework & learning her spelling & dictation. She studies in the afternoon session & come back home at 7.30pm. It is normal for me to stay up late with her till 11.30pm every night. We went to bed at 12.30am last night.


No matter how little homework she has, she will take very long to complete. She is a slow worker & gets distracted easily as well as taking lots of break in between. I have stop chasing her around. I just tell her that she has to finish all your homework before she can sleep. No matter how sleepy she is, she is not allow to go to bed & I stay up late with her. What to do, all kids are different.

If you are thinking of getting back to work. You have to leave your older one in student care centre & younger one in child care centre. Maybe you should discuss it with your husband.