Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?

[hokkiengirl]

Funz:

Thinking back, would I have done things differently, I think not. How I handled the whole situation was very much me. If I had not withdrawn from DH, I think I would have been a manic mess emotionally. I took care of myself first, the way I know how. In doing so, I was able to see to the needs of our kids.

Hi, Funz!

I totally understood what you wrote!!! That was exactly what happened to me, too! Had to 'shut down' emotionally to deal with the situation first, otherwise, I would have been so miserable I wouldn't have been able to function. While it's great to know others have been through what we have, too, it's kinda sad that there are so many cases around. I wonder from time to time whether it was because my mil spoilt my husband when he was young and treated him like a god while putting herself in the position of the 'ignorant housewife who doesn't know anything'. I didn't say it! Hubby told me his mum used to say it all the time when he was growing up!!! I'm actively working towards 'training' my boys to be useful men around the house so that they will be less likely to be inconsiderate towards their wives. Hope it works. :xedfingers:

[hokkiengirl]

Chenonceau:

It says something when a normal upbringing has become a luxury. Sob!!

After having multiple conversations with many friends of different backgrounds, I have come to the conclusion that a 'normal' upbringing is actually not the norm! It IS a luxury. Many, many of the people I know come from dysfunctional families. (Or maybe I just attract that sort of friends!) The parents don't necessarily have to be divorced; they can be not on speaking terms; they can be on screaming terms; they can be abusive in loads of different ways (emotionally and mentally). Gosh, the list just goes on. It takes real commitment by the couple to continue to love each other so that their little family unit can thrive. In our time (I'm in my 30s), I think parents couldn't be bothered about the niceties of engagement cos they were busy with making a living, which resulted in lots of unpleasant memories for a lot of us now... I'm just sad that it's spilling over into the next generation's lives as well

[toddles]

hokkiengirl:

Chenonceau:

It says something when a normal upbringing has become a luxury. Sob!!

After having multiple conversations with many friends of different backgrounds, I have come to the conclusion that a 'normal' upbringing is actually not the norm! It IS a luxury. Many, many of the people I know come from dysfunctional families. (Or maybe I just attract that sort of friends!) The parents don't necessarily have to be divorced; they can be not on speaking terms; they can be on screaming terms; they can be abusive in loads of different ways (emotionally and mentally). Gosh, the list just goes on. It takes real commitment by the couple to continue to love each other so that their little family unit can thrive. In our time (I'm in my 30s), I think parents couldn't be bothered about the niceties of engagement cos they were busy with making a living, which resulted in lots of unpleasant memories for a lot of us now... I'm just sad that it's spilling over into the next generation's lives as well

Even today, I have friends who have hubbies like applecrisp's... married macham like not married. always drinking/socialising till the wee hours, book own holiday when wife abt to give birth, not there when wife delivering, a few times a night never come home... but the wife says i chose this man.

有时候真的惨不忍睹。。。painful even for a bystander to observe.

[znzyzyzx]

Sad to hear that. I have always thought that the men of the recent generations are mostly the 新好男人. Thought only my father's generation was the only horrible one (he is 80plus), with many men with 2 or more wives.

hokkiengirl:

Chenonceau:

It says something when a normal upbringing has become a luxury. Sob!!

After having multiple conversations with many friends of different backgrounds, I have come to the conclusion that a 'normal' upbringing is actually not the norm! It IS a luxury. Many, many of the people I know come from dysfunctional families. (Or maybe I just attract that sort of friends!) The parents don't necessarily have to be divorced; they can be not on speaking terms; they can be on screaming terms; they can be abusive in loads of different ways (emotionally and mentally). Gosh, the list just goes on. It takes real commitment by the couple to continue to love each other so that their little family unit can thrive. In our time (I'm in my 30s), I think parents couldn't be bothered about the niceties of engagement cos they were busy with making a living, which resulted in lots of unpleasant memories for a lot of us now... I'm just sad that it's spilling over into the next generation's lives as well

[Eagle-Ladybird]

Funz:

Not speaking for applecrisp but from when the time when I was going through something similar.


I knew most if not all the people that DH was hanging out with. We work in the same industry and many of these people were my business associates or some even colleagues or ex-colleagues. There were times when I failed to reach DH, I had to resort to calling some of these people whom he might be hanging out with. It was embarassing both for him and for me.

Point is not so much who he was hanging out with but him making the choice, time and again, to keep hanging out with these people to the point of neglecting the family. Makes no difference even if these are decent people just unwinding over some drinks.

I do think there's a point who he hangs out with. Because, in many cases, feathers of the same flocks together. There are many reasons why a man would go to the extreme of being away from home.

I know of a case (though it was not as serious as what was discussed here) where the wife eventually found out the reason why the husband hangs out drinking because he was struggling with something in his life. Pride and ego got in the way. He was pouring it out with the few guys that he was hanging out with. These guys eventually spilled the beans with the wife.

I personally had a friend in KL, who would call me up at 3am to talk. He was struggling with an issue.

The point is to find out why. I'm not saying applecrisp's case could be solved this way. Neither did I say that one should call these guys. But knowing them gives a chance of finding out, directly or indirectly.

[Sun_2010]

hokkiengirl:

Funz:

Thinking back, would I have done things differently, I think not. How I handled the whole situation was very much me. If I had not withdrawn from DH, I think I would have been a manic mess emotionally. I took care of myself first, the way I know how. In doing so, I was able to see to the needs of our kids.

Hi, Funz!

I totally understood what you wrote!!! That was exactly what happened to me, too! Had to 'shut down' emotionally to deal with the situation first, otherwise, I would have been so miserable I wouldn't have been able to function. While it's great to know others have been through what we have, too, it's kinda sad that there are so many cases around. I wonder from time to time whether it was because my mil spoilt my husband when he was young and treated him like a god while putting herself in the position of the 'ignorant housewife who doesn't know anything'. I didn't say it! Hubby told me his mum used to say it all the time when he was growing up!!! I'm actively working towards 'training' my boys to be useful men around the house so that they will be less likely to be inconsiderate towards their wives. Hope it works. :xedfingers:

Sure will work. So there is hope yet for our DDs

That was the home environment during my childhood, and my brother is all hands on now. I remember during JC days just before my exams , My friend and I were studying together. As the part time helper did not come , my brother was sweeping the floor. My friend was sooo surprised.
But it has its other side too. My brother is a very good cook , far better than me amd Sis-in-law. Can at times get a little competitive inside home :evil:

[hokkiengirl]

Sun_2010:

But it has its other side too. My brother is a very good cook , far better than me amd Sis-in-law. Can at times get a little competitive inside home :evil:

Haha I LIKE!!! Your parents were geniuses to raise you guys like that. I know what! I'll have friendly competitions for my boys next time: Best Vacuum-er, Most Stylish Hanger of Wet Clothes, Best Chef & Most Vigorous Toilet Scrubber! kekeke :evil:

[verykiasu2010]

hokkiengirl:

Sun_2010:

But it has its other side too. My brother is a very good cook , far better than me amd Sis-in-law. Can at times get a little competitive inside home :evil:

Haha I LIKE!!! Your parents were geniuses to raise you guys like that. I know what! I'll have friendly competitions for my boys next time: Best Vacuum-er, Most Stylish Hanger of Wet Clothes, Best Chef & Most Vigorous Toilet Scrubber! kekeke :evil:

be prepared for replacement cost of broken vacuum cleaner, broke sink and broken toilet bowl, wet clothes soiled by dropping on the floor without rinsing ..... :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[hokkiengirl]

verykiasu2010:

be prepared for replacement cost of broken vacuum cleaner, broke sink and broken toilet bowl, wet clothes soiled by dropping on the floor without rinsing ..... :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Wah, very hard to break sink and toilet bowl leh. But nebber mind! Will take it out of their allowances!! Or I'll take it that I'm doing the nation a favour by training my boys up to be REAL MEN. :imanangel:

[LOLMum]

Ver easy to break the toilet bowl stand as well as the basin stand.


All you need to do is to hit it constantly with the hard side of the brush when scrubbing the floor. You would crack it eventually. Even a tiny crack is enough to have a wet floor.