In-law problems?

[cherrygal]

Jasmy, I applaud you for your forgiving nature and must try to learn from you. However, being open does not mean disrespect. Agree they are still our elders and must give face. But I dun agree with sweeping things under the carpet and it’s hard to judge coz your MIL may not have done what my MIL did. I too wish to have a harmonious relationship and be Ah Q about it.


LOLmum, agree totally. Cannot take anything from them coz you will feel obliged to accept their nonsense.

[aurorin]

Thanks ladies for the encouragement and support! Really appreciate it!


I really do hope that there will be a paradigm shift within the next two years, either DH finally stop feeling guilty or my PILs open their minds to other possibilities than SG and give us their blessing to seek a better life for our family and DD. Because as the time looms closer to my DH’s graduation, I start to wonder how am I going to prepare DD to assimilate back to SG educational system… Also worry abt cost of living etc etc , exactly the things you were talking about, DesertWind and Janet_lee88. Secondary will be trying to stop myself from too resentful about the things I will be "losing" from here… Like my career… My work life balance… My peace of mind… Heh heh… And look on the brighter side… Even though my family not in SG, I do have many good friends there and of cos, my fav hokkien mee… (of cos, if ask me btw hokkien mee and Melb, I will take Melb any day la… Hahaha). Gotta stay positive?

But until the day they change their minds, I can only prepare myself the best way I can to help my DD, if not now but for the future (insisting we apply for citizenship before going back). Who knows… Maybe my DH will really look at the situation beyond how his mom feels and decide in favor of our future and DD’s even though it is selfish. I acknowledge that we are… Cos it is his mom’s right to want her son with her… But I also wanna be selfish for the sake of my DD I guess… Unfortunately, not a win win situation… Cos my PIL definitely won’t come over… My MiL came once and hates it, due to language barrier and in SG she is already not very independent so coming here is her worse nightmare when she realize how big the place is. I was hoping since my SIL is married and recently have a son, which MIL is looking after (my SIL is staying at our flat in SG but weekdays stays with my PIL cos of the baby) so maybe MIL wouldn’t mind as much if we were to stay in Aus. Anyway, PiL are coming for a 4day visit next week, let’s see if their views have changed or not. FIL has never been here and I hope he will see what a nice place this is and hopefully help change their minds.

Anyway thanks everyone for the support! Advice and sharing from you gals like Chenonceau and Funz is really very much appreciated. It is good to read how in law relationships are maintained… Alot of practical things I need to bear in mind off… Also a big gambette to those still having issues with their in laws… Jia you!

[mummyJune]

janet_lee88:

mummyJune:

hi mummies, am i being petty here? pls read on.


last night when i went to my MIL place to fetch my kids, i noticed my daughter(13mths) hair is so short. i asked my mil iszit she brought my daughter for haircut. she said go downstairs cut, $10 so x hor. den ask me nice anot. i said Y cut so short, like boy. I was very unhappy to c my daughter's hair cut until so short. BUT after awhile mil laughed & said FOC 1 la, is my SIL cut (her 2nd DIL). upon hearing that, my face went black & blood boiling. i never like my other SIL, worst, still go & cut hair for my daughter. i was so angry.

i feel that mil seems to be 'testing' my reaction. mayb she wants to see what will i say since previously she said bring my daughter downstairs for $10 haircut, den after that said is FOC haircut done by her 2nd DIL.

Am i very petty abt the hair thingy? haiz, very angry so ve to rant here.

No, you are definitely not petty. I will be super mad if my daughter's hair was cut by someone I dislike. Who gave her the right to cut the hair ?
Why ??? She is not the mother. Why did she allow her daughter-in-law to cut your gal's hair ? Sorry, I know I should not be rubbing in more salt.

no la, u r not rubbing in more salt. in fact my hubby was also angry but he is the sort who won't go & say his mum. last time we used to quarrel cos of his mum especially on the upbringing of my children. thankfully my elder son is in childcare, can't imagine how is it like if still let mil take care. i told my hubby, next yr let our daughter go playground, i don't want her to be too sticky to mil.

i hate it when mil always say my girl very sticky to her, next time older abit sure very sticky just like her 1st grandaughter. den recently weather very humid, so at her house she will on aircon let my girl sleep. in front of me, tell my girl \"u also like your mummy hor, like to enjoy life sleep aircon\" :nunchuk: fedup, really can slap her. :spank:

[CookiesMonster]

janet_lee88:

CookiesMonster:

my MIL is a hoarder aka karang guni.

Mine also Karang guni...loves to collect things. Those free bowls from buying toothpaste or whatever, she can keep them like some limited edition stuff.
But the joke is really about the sofa :rotflmao: hedgehog ? Is it bcos he is lazy to throw the toothpicks after using ?

Aiyah at least yrs collect bowls which in turn can use n throw. N if it get chipped in the process, can throw without causing any pain to both parties. Mine can pass down her crockery given to her during her wedding. I don't mind using but when I had to throw it away as it was chipped, she does get upset.

As for my FIL, lazy or purposely to irritate my MIL, we really dono. Hv bin beside him also don't want to use. We exploded when we find used syringe left in the sofa (he's diabetic). So, now with the maid engaged for him, we expounded to her that biohazard waste must be cleared promptly & properly disposed.

N we instructed the maid not to let the two treasures eat \"junk food\" like ice-cream, chips n sweet. We had to cart home tubs of ice-cream to prevent my MIL over-indulged cos it was on offers. Haiz, our advice to them to watch their diet falls on deaf ears. After that, in pain then come n tell us to bring them see doctor.

[janet88]

She treats those free bowls like treasure...asked her eldest daughter-in-law for cutlery from airlines bcos eldest son always travels for work :faint:


Couldn't be bothered with them now...what is there to talk about when she doesn't want to listen and keeps thinking she is right.

[DesertWind]

Recently my SIL just got a divorce and was going through a rough time. My PILs were pretty affected by this since marriage almost 25 years already with 2 teenage kids! Especially my FIL I think was quite a blow to him. After that, somehow I felt that my PILs suddenly treat me better. More understanding, more friendly.


Of course this is a good thing but I felt a bit uncomfortable too and also a bit sad for them old folks. The divorse must have been quite a blow to them lor…

[fifiyeo]

janet_lee88:

She treats those free bowls like treasure...asked her eldest daughter-in-law for cutlery from airlines bcos eldest son always travels for work :faint:


Couldn't be bothered with them now...what is there to talk about when she doesn't want to listen and keeps thinking she is right.

Emperor and Empress are never wrong. What happens to court officials and servants who defy them??!!...

Agree with you Janet, why bother!

[janet88]

fifiyeo:

janet_lee88:

She treats those free bowls like treasure...asked her eldest daughter-in-law for cutlery from airlines bcos eldest son always travels for work :faint:


Couldn't be bothered with them now...what is there to talk about when she doesn't want to listen and keeps thinking she is right.

Emperor and Empress are never wrong. What happens to court officials and servants who defy them??!!...

Agree with you Janet, why bother!

Hey, there is a proverb. The emperor doesn't find a matter urgent but the eunuchs do. So what if we are concerned the \"emperor and empress\" are not looking after their health, they themselves don't bother, so can we force them to listen ? That will become a crime.
What the heck, even my hubby who is favorite son constantly reminds them...but falls on deaf ears. Give up lah. :slapshead:

[qizai]

I haven’t logged in for 1 whole year, and this thread is still going strong!!


Looks like in-law problems are really pervasive…

[aurorin]

Cant help but wanna come in and \"vent\" again..


In-laws came on tuesday for a few days to visit and things have not been going well. Right from the start, the first thing i come back to when they arrive was my MIL brought with her one of those cloth/cotton thingy that she uses to tie around the tap (as filtration) and change my dish/hand towels.

What's up with that?? Maybe i am over protective over my 'turf' but is it abit impolite for someone else to come into your house and do \"home improvements\" the minute they land? And i dont know where she get that idea that water in Melb is dirty and need \"extra filtration\"? We have a filtration jar for drinking water cos my DH thinks we need filter before boiling to drink - now that i think of it, it makes total sense why he is abit anal about this, but actually tap water is just as safe as SG for drinking straight or after boiling.. GAH! :rant: And is that cloth thing so helpful? And there were nothing wrong or unclean about my towels! Grrr.. she did it the first time she was here two years ago (cos one of the towels had ink stain - it is clean! just cant get the stain out!) now she still have that impression that my towels are dirty? What's up with that?

Then we drove them out for dinner in the suburbs, at this new Malaysian place cos i know they dont like to eat ang moh food... along the way, my MIL was saying to my FIL how it is so far to get anywhere in Melb. It was only a 25mins drive! It takes alot longer for them to get anywhere in town from their place in Bt Panjang! And they dont even drive so its bus and MRT anywhere. My MIL use public transport to get to Geylang, her bro's place, and that takes at least 1hr + so i dunno why she picks on a 25mins drive! Go to the restuarant and when we ask for a round of water, cos the waitress say tap okie, she immediately tells us in Mandarin, tap water cannot drink cos its dirty. Luckily my DH just ignored and got a jar of tap water. Food came, even though it is good, she also have things to say. Say the portion so big so expensive, no wonder pple eat already will get fat easily (already in CNY, she told DH and me in our faces that we put on weight even though our weight still abt the same) so it was another dig at how 'unhealthy' and expensive this place is.

Wah liew... first day already like this... i ended up so pissed off i basically went into shut-down/ignore mode. And my DH still say i must go out to the living room to 'socialize'.. :stompfeet: 2nd day pretty much the same thing. Luckily i went back to work so avoided them the whole time until dinner. Only to hear more 'comments' about the weather (too cold, DD will be sick easily - which is rubbish, my DD grew up here and is used to the weather.. and she hardly ever falls sick, unlike DH's cousins' kids!), 'comments' about DD's school (how come dont make her nap, lack of 'teaching', no shower for them like SG's childcare, the food they eat). When DH explain how the meals are prepared and follows the national nutrition plan for children (they get the required serve of fruits,vegs,protein etc etc so for lunch, they can have chicken thai meatball with brown rice, corns, peas and cauliflower and a serve of fruits. Each day different menu, across 6 weeks and variety of cuisine!) so that there is no such things as sweets/chocs/sugar/high sodium/msg etc, you will think she got nothing bad to say about it right? Wrong! Cos she ask how many meals that get (breakfast/lunch/afternoon tea/light snacks for kids going home later than 5pm) and what do they have for afternoon tea, and her ears picked up when my DH said \"Biscuits\", she immediately say, \"oh.. like SG.. not that healthy also..\". She was thinking COOKIES but it is actually water crackers to be served with dips and veggie sticks! By then she already stop listening and my DH also cannot bother to explain already.

So basically, all i see is someone coming to \"visit\" but really it is come to find faults and pick apart our so-called \"Good\" life. To me, she is insecure and just serving her own agenda. DH on his part, i think being confronted by that, also dunno how to react. In large he was really trying to correct all her 'misconceptions' but i think it is useless cos the issue is not Melb per se.. it is that she wants to prove Melb not so good, SG better so no reason why we shd want to stay here. I think the more she see her son 'defending' Melb and me, the more insecure and threatened she feels. So now my DH becomes worried about his mom being insecure, start to ask me to 'tone' down any unhappiness i am feeling and now show it. And i wrote on my facebook that i dont like coming home and find changes in my house, he asked me to take off the status cos he is worried it will make his parents feel bad... (i didnt add his father on my friends list but SIL may see) but i refused, the only concession is i restricted viewing to my friends (exclude SIL and BIL) only. But why only care if they may feel bad? I feel like i am the victim here and i cant even complain.... :gloomy: I mean why cant they just come and visit and not pick on things and just try to enjoy themselves?? :rant:

I wish it's saturday and they will leave... and I wish i dont ever have to go back to SG and face them again... :sad: :sad: