Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[janet88]

We do not hug or kiss in front of kids. But without the kids sometimes, I do hold his arm.

Hubby corrected daughter when she made that comment...told her nicely there is nothing wrong holding hands or arms bcos we are a couple. We used to do that until they (kids) came and we either carry them or hold their hands.
It doesn't mean I do not know how to cross the road :faint:

[mummy so kiasu]

3Boys:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"SBKS\"]1 way to see it is that u are related by blood to your kids. not to your partner.


so more effort is require to be with ur partner. so spouse comes first for me.

True true true.
It does take effort to keep sparks going. We love our kids but we should love spouse more. Sometimes I wonder how do couples keep romance going with kids. Any suggestions?

Make strict plans to spend alone time together. Go out for a movie, plan a dinner date. Take care of your appearance, dress nicely, put on some makeup. Be nice to each other, be considerate, don't let disagreements fester. Be flirty, give him THAT look, show a bit of skin.
Can lah, you already did it before marriage, just get back to it lor.[/quote]Ha..ha.. Before marriage has better figure & complexion as well as no lamp posts (I mean kids). Where got same lah. How to flirt & show skin with kids around? Must be a role model to the kids, how to get back lah! Most SAHM don't have helpers & we have not going dating with our hubby since our first child come along. Sigh! Sometime, envy FTWM with helpers.

[iFirefly]

3Boys:

A bit like asking whether food or water is more important. Reading through a different thread, really sent a shudder down my spine. God forbid that I fail so badly in my marriage that we should seek a separation.


DW and I have vowed that no matter how KSParents we be, we will always set aside fixed time for each other every week. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, romance each other and have 'together' time very regularly. In the busyness of work and child-minding, its all too easy to take each other for granted, and then slowly drift apart. If the bond is strong and there is intimacy, many obstacles can be overcome.

My posit is that a strong marriage begets a strong family, and if there were a conflict between spouse-time and kid-time, spouse time usually comes out ahead.

Your thoughts?

Should have read this earlier.. :sad:

[3Boys]

firefly38:

3Boys:

A bit like asking whether food or water is more important. Reading through a different thread, really sent a shudder down my spine. God forbid that I fail so badly in my marriage that we should seek a separation.


DW and I have vowed that no matter how KSParents we be, we will always set aside fixed time for each other every week. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, romance each other and have 'together' time very regularly. In the busyness of work and child-minding, its all too easy to take each other for granted, and then slowly drift apart. If the bond is strong and there is intimacy, many obstacles can be overcome.

My posit is that a strong marriage begets a strong family, and if there were a conflict between spouse-time and kid-time, spouse time usually comes out ahead.

Your thoughts?

Should have read this earlier.. :sad:

May I ask why?

[janet88]

Couples would have entered another stage of marriage...past that tinkle-tinkle spicy newly-married romance. With present stage with school-going kids, I do deposit them at parents' place for a break from them.

Sometimes, I get hubby to apply leave to spend time together shopping...looking at our stuff. NO children dept.

Dress nice, smell nice...wink wink all I want :rotflmao: cannot do that in front of daughter or she will ask what is wrong with my eyes...worse still, pick it up and tell teacher her mummy does that.

[BeContented]

When relationship with spouse is good, the atmosphere at home is generally better. So I'll say, spouse first when necessary/possible.


Having been together 25years, yap.....white hair, pot belly, flabby muscles, wrinkles/age spots cannot be avoided. But I think I need to start some exercise to widen our weight gap & not let it merge. :scared:

[3Boys]

slmkhoo:

mummy so kiasu:

Ha..ha.. Before marriage has better figure & complexion as well as no lamp posts (I mean kids). Where got same lah. How to flirt & show skin with kids around? Must be a role model to the kids, how to get back lah! Most SAHM don't have helpers & we have not going dating with our hubby since our first child come along. Sigh! Sometime, envy FTWM with helpers.

You can be creative. I have been married 25yrs and been a SAHM for 15yrs. No maid. When the kids were small, we put them to bed early and kept a couple of kids-free hours to ourselves every night. When the got older, we told them to read for a while before bed, and still put them to bed quite early. So we got to talk, watch a video, have a special snack etc without kids underfoot even though we couldn't go out. When in Singapore, we put the kids with grandparents 1 night a week so we could go out, but we've lived overseas most of our kids' lives, so that wasn't too often. When the kids went to school, we would sometimes have lunch together. As for appearance, we have to be realistic - both have wrinkles and white hair, but so what? We can still be neat and clean, and a cheerful smile works better than the best makeup.

:goodpost:

Definitely agrees out the smile part. Ladies, you dun need a bombshell figure, a pleasant friendly attitude and taking a little care of appearances does wonders.

[Funz]

I always find it a bit odd that parents feel the need to restrict themselves from showing affection towards each other in front of their kids. I personally think it would be beneficial too for the kids to see parents being affectionate to each other. Not talking about pawing each other and r rated stuff but kissing, holding hands, snuggling and hugging, teasing each other, all these are fine right?


My kids get tickled pink whenever we make a huge show of giving each other smacking kisses and being lovey dovey. It usually end up with them being caught up with snuggles and kisses from DH and myself as well. Of course when they reach their teens, they will be rolling their eyes at us, or not, since they would be use to it by then. But for now, they totally enjoy it.

[BeContented]

Funz:

I always find it a bit odd that parents feel the need to restrict themselves from showing affection towards each other in front of their kids. I personally think it would be beneficial too for the kids to see parents being affectionate to each other. Not talking about pawing each other and r rated stuff but kissing, holding hands, snuggling and hugging, teasing each other, all these are fine right?


My kids get tickled pink whenever we make a huge show of giving each other smacking kisses and being lovey dovey. It usually end up with them being caught up with snuggles and kisses from DH and myself as well. Of course when they reach their teens, they will be rolling their eyes at us, or not, since they would be use to it by then. But for now, they totally enjoy it.

:hi5: agree totally.
In fact, these days when we go out as a family, instead of coming between us, DS will make DH & myself hold hands.

[3Boys]

BeContented:

Funz:

I always find it a bit odd that parents feel the need to restrict themselves from showing affection towards each other in front of their kids. I personally think it would be beneficial too for the kids to see parents being affectionate to each other. Not talking about pawing each other and r rated stuff but kissing, holding hands, snuggling and hugging, teasing each other, all these are fine right?


My kids get tickled pink whenever we make a huge show of giving each other smacking kisses and being lovey dovey. It usually end up with them being caught up with snuggles and kisses from DH and myself as well. Of course when they reach their teens, they will be rolling their eyes at us, or not, since they would be use to it by then. But for now, they totally enjoy it.

:hi5: agree totally.
In fact, these days when we go out as a family, instead of coming between us, DS will make DH & myself hold hands.

Nice! Kids love it when their parents get along, and hate it when they squabble.