How to work with insolent children
-
My boy is 9 years old too.
I suppose this is call peer influence.
Kids nowadays are very different from the past. They don’t take instructions blindly.
My boy will ask me why if he feels that my instruction is not right ( according to him ).
Kids at his age is beginning to have their own identity and ownership. They want to make decisions themselves and want their decision to be affirmed.
So I always let him do the talking as in why he feels otherwise and after listening to him, I will then explain to him why I expect him to listen to me.
When he feels that I have a point, he will agree with me and listens to me.
I believe as adults we expect respect, but kids also expect respect from the adults.
And I will much prefer my kids to respect me head to toe rather than the autocratic respect.
Listen to your kids and you will be amazed to know how his little mind can surprise you. -
Thanks for the book recommendation. Have reserved a copy from NLB.
-
Hi, thanks for the tips. I feel much better knowing that all feel that parenting is a tough journey.
I am already facing the shouting match with my 4 yr old boy and I am really worried that it will get bad to worse. When daddy is around, the boy is better behaved.
I finally have a taste of the extent today when he shouted at me in a bookshop. Not only that, when he knew that I am not buying a particular book, he had the audacity to try running out of the shop!!!
Imagine what would have happen if he had really gone off…I really gave him a good scolding outside after his bad behaviour. Told him of the consequence of his action. -
After reading skippy’s posting, I fully agree with her.
Yelling or shouting will not do any good or solve the problem. Reasoning, talk it out, discussion are the best approach. Being an adult, we should be cool and calm before tackling the problems with our kids. Of course, adults are also normal human beings, we can lost control sometimes. I remember a situation, I was quite nervous on one issue that I kept repeating and nagging to dd. Instead of flare up on my nagging, she calmed me down "Relax mummy, cool down. Breath in, breath out !", with a smile. Immediately, my temperature drop and we were able to continue the discussion, with no heat. On the other hand, when discussion become out of control and the kids demand too much, we parents should know when to say, "No, this is not acceptable."
When there are heat argument, it is best to let both sides cool down. After cooling down, we should try to explain to them our standing, reasons and not just let it pass and forget about it. -
Does your child answer back ?
How do you deal with it ?
Thanks -
I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.
I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.
I don’t advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.
The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.
I don’t want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse. -
kiasimom:
:goodpost: EXACTLY my sentiments!I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.
I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.
I don't advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.
The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.
I don't want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse. -
kiasimom:
You are right, but usually they are downright rude & showed lack of respect !!
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse.
What do you do then ? -
VitoRelax:
Tell them \"I say no/so\"...then when both are calmer, talk this through.
You are right, but usually they are downright rude & showed lack of respect !!kiasimom:
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse.
What do you do then ?
I've always cajoled and even plead and this year (okay, okay, it's Feb liao), I told myself, enough is enough...today at the shop when she dilly-dallied and started to talk back when I told her to hurry up and choose her product, she started getting rude.
I told her, \"okay, in that case we're not getting XXX.\" in my sternest voice; and then the shoplady (obviously NOT a parent) commented out loud, \"wah, you so strict ah\" :roll:
Sometimes, we just have to seize the moment and show DD/DS that we are serious...next time, it'd get easier coz she/he would think twice in being rude and answering back just for the sake of answering back; and in testing limits.
All the best! -
Sigh. I read backwards on this thread and it offers such a wealth of wisdom.
Hugs to you, Andiaz, I know how it feels. If the incident is isolated, it'd be ok to close one eye. But if your DD is heading towards preteendom or already in the throes of it, I gather it's gonna be awhile.
Anyway, I was locked in a power struggle with my son last week and it wasn't a pretty sight :(. We've always been laissez faire at home cos DS is a prize fighter cock, and fighting with him trains him to be even better. He knows the rules - as long as it's reasonable and he argues without being rude or throwing a tantrum, we'll generally compromise. He's usually a sweet kid albeit with a sharp tongue.
Anyway, suffice to say, there's a new stressor - homework. I went from being gently persuasive to snarling witch after two weeks. When that didn't work, my inital move was to get even harsher - punishment by docking pocket money (he got ruder by the day), but the response was
for me!
The net result though, is that we both learnt. He says he'll finish up homework in school where he can, and he's been exemplary the last few days, and me, I've reverted to being my persuasive, supportive self.
Maybe these one-off tightening of the screws will have to happen to \"reset\" the settings once in a while, and the trick is to make it as painlesss as possible while delivering the message and waiting for the negtive behaviour to subside. Will have to think of how. Anyone has ideas?? :?:
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login