How to work with insolent children

[Starling]

Hi, thanks for the tips. I feel much better knowing that all feel that parenting is a tough journey.


I am already facing the shouting match with my 4 yr old boy and I am really worried that it will get bad to worse. When daddy is around, the boy is better behaved.

I finally have a taste of the extent today when he shouted at me in a bookshop. Not only that, when he knew that I am not buying a particular book, he had the audacity to try running out of the shop!!!

Imagine what would have happen if he had really gone off…I really gave him a good scolding outside after his bad behaviour. Told him of the consequence of his action.

[daisyt]

After reading skippy’s posting, I fully agree with her.


Yelling or shouting will not do any good or solve the problem. Reasoning, talk it out, discussion are the best approach. Being an adult, we should be cool and calm before tackling the problems with our kids. Of course, adults are also normal human beings, we can lost control sometimes. I remember a situation, I was quite nervous on one issue that I kept repeating and nagging to dd. Instead of flare up on my nagging, she calmed me down "Relax mummy, cool down. Breath in, breath out !", with a smile. Immediately, my temperature drop and we were able to continue the discussion, with no heat. On the other hand, when discussion become out of control and the kids demand too much, we parents should know when to say, "No, this is not acceptable."

When there are heat argument, it is best to let both sides cool down. After cooling down, we should try to explain to them our standing, reasons and not just let it pass and forget about it.

[VitoRelax]

Does your child answer back ?


How do you deal with it ?

Thanks

[kiasimom]

I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.


I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.

I don’t advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.

The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.

I don’t want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.

As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.

It shows that he has the ability to analyse.

[radiantmum]

kiasimom:

I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.


I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.

I don't advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.

The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.

I don't want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.

As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.

It shows that he has the ability to analyse.

:goodpost: EXACTLY my sentiments!

[VitoRelax]

kiasimom:

As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.

It shows that he has the ability to analyse.

You are right, but usually they are downright rude & showed lack of respect !!

What do you do then ?

[Andaiz]

VitoRelax:

kiasimom:

As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.

It shows that he has the ability to analyse.

You are right, but usually they are downright rude & showed lack of respect !!

What do you do then ?

Tell them \"I say no/so\"...then when both are calmer, talk this through.

I've always cajoled and even plead and this year (okay, okay, it's Feb liao), I told myself, enough is enough...today at the shop when she dilly-dallied and started to talk back when I told her to hurry up and choose her product, she started getting rude.

I told her, \"okay, in that case we're not getting XXX.\" in my sternest voice; and then the shoplady (obviously NOT a parent) commented out loud, \"wah, you so strict ah\" :roll:

Sometimes, we just have to seize the moment and show DD/DS that we are serious...next time, it'd get easier coz she/he would think twice in being rude and answering back just for the sake of answering back; and in testing limits.

All the best!

[Blobbi]

Sigh. I read backwards on this thread and it offers such a wealth of wisdom.


Hugs to you, Andiaz, I know how it feels. If the incident is isolated, it'd be ok to close one eye. But if your DD is heading towards preteendom or already in the throes of it, I gather it's gonna be awhile.

Anyway, I was locked in a power struggle with my son last week and it wasn't a pretty sight :(. We've always been laissez faire at home cos DS is a prize fighter cock, and fighting with him trains him to be even better. He knows the rules - as long as it's reasonable and he argues without being rude or throwing a tantrum, we'll generally compromise. He's usually a sweet kid albeit with a sharp tongue.

Anyway, suffice to say, there's a new stressor - homework. I went from being gently persuasive to snarling witch after two weeks. When that didn't work, my inital move was to get even harsher - punishment by docking pocket money (he got ruder by the day), but the response was for me!

The net result though, is that we both learnt. He says he'll finish up homework in school where he can, and he's been exemplary the last few days, and me, I've reverted to being my persuasive, supportive self.

Maybe these one-off tightening of the screws will have to happen to \"reset\" the settings once in a while, and the trick is to make it as painlesss as possible while delivering the message and waiting for the negtive behaviour to subside. Will have to think of how. Anyone has ideas?? :?:

[Funz]

There are certain things in my house that will be non negotiable. And when it come to enforcing such things, I will be totally autocratic. For example, 1st thing to do when you wake up is to wash up. No reading, no TV, no games 1st, brush teeth, wash up, breakfast before anything else. I don’t care if it’s a school day or a weekend or holidays. When my kids ask why, my answer to them is this is basic hygiene and it is also the way I want it to be, no need to ask why. Next time when you have your own house you can set your own rules. So bad hor.


DD started behaving in a very diao man manner last week. She never behaved like that in the past. She will cross her arms and stamp her feet and say things like, I want it now means now. Then go huffing and puffing and sit down at the sofa to sulk. 1st time, I ignored her. But the 2nd time, I told her to get her butt off the couch and come to me. And she did, but still with her crossed arms and stamping feet. So I warned her and told her to stop her arms crossing and stamping and saying things like want it now means now. No raised voices just low serious tones telling her how disappointed and sad I am to see my girl behaving like a brat. Then I told her to go reflect on her behaviour. When she has sorted out her thinking she can come and talk to me. It took all of 3 mins and she came to me with tears in her eyes and an apology. That was when we revisit the original topic of what she wanted in the first place and worked out a compromise.

I know that her insisting on having her way without hearing me out or explaining to me why she wants it that way could be an imitation of my no negotiation attitude towards some stuff. But just as mummy here is learning what makes them tick and what methods work best with them, they are also learning what method works best with mummy.

[Lynn2]

Hello


May I know how do u deal with kid that like to talk back?

Am pretty frustrated these days wif my girl.

I was coaching her on her work earlier, and waiting for her to finish,I was looking at the computer for some info.I hurried her.Guess how she talked back?You are looking at your computer what…I got pissed off and I told her off, am wasting my time, sitting next to her waiting for her to finish a piece of her work.She is not indept, if am not there, she will wonder away, catching ends, drawing etc…

thanks