How to work with insolent children
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Not sure if this might help but I read this book which helped me to be more mindful of my kids' feelings and their growing up angst.
A friend introduced the following books to me which help parents to communicate more effectively with their children. The authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote 2 books:
1. How to Talk so Teens will Listen & Listen so Teens will Talk (suitable for parents whose children are 11 years and above)
2. How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk (suitable for parents whose kids are 10 and below)
I bought the Teens book and the authors covered topics like:
- listen and respond helpfully to our teenager's concerns
- express our irritation and anger without being hurtful
- take action without punishing
- encourage our teens to assume responsibility and take ownership of their actions
- work out problems together
- talk about sex and drugs without preaching or alienating
What I like about the book:
- easy reading
- describes real problems that families face and suggestions to overcome them
- cartoons and illustrations that help to convey the key points => some of the examples used sound like what might happen in my own home
- it's one of those books that u don't mind re-reading again for a \"refresher\" course
Whilst our family backgrounds are different from each other, we share the same parenting woes and headaches. In other words, trying to cope with our children who are trying to assert themselves, rude, talk-back, would rather listen to their friends than their parents, school pressure, cyber influence and more...
It ain't easy being a parent! :stupid:
I can't comment on the Kids book as I did not read the book. But, apparently, it has garned rave reviews from parents and and has sold more than 2 million copies worldwide.
If u want to read other reviews, u can log on to amazon.com and key in the authors' name in their search engine.
And if you are really interested, guess u can borrow it from the libraries. I've also seen copies at Borders, Times and MPH (not sure about Popular). What I'd do is wait for the Borders weekend discounts (sometimes as much as 30%) and get the book. Saves $$!
Did it work for me and my family?
Somewhat. I do try to practise what the authors advise in the book and the suggestions do come in useful. It does help me and my children to communicate more effectively too - without the yelling and threats. But I must also confess that there are moments - in a fit of frustration - whatever parenting tips I've read are thrown out of the window. But hey! I'm not perfect, lah! :oops:
The book is definitely not a panadol to our parenting headaches, but it does give great tips and ideas on how to parent our kids more effectively.
Happy reading!
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Yes, Great books. worth reading as there are many scenerios in comics strips. Many times, we know what we should and should not do, but in practical, it is hard to control. Occasionally, i find myself using the tips and it improves the situation. so, happy reading. :celebrate:
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My boy is 9 years old too.
I suppose this is call peer influence.
Kids nowadays are very different from the past. They don’t take instructions blindly.
My boy will ask me why if he feels that my instruction is not right ( according to him ).
Kids at his age is beginning to have their own identity and ownership. They want to make decisions themselves and want their decision to be affirmed.
So I always let him do the talking as in why he feels otherwise and after listening to him, I will then explain to him why I expect him to listen to me.
When he feels that I have a point, he will agree with me and listens to me.
I believe as adults we expect respect, but kids also expect respect from the adults.
And I will much prefer my kids to respect me head to toe rather than the autocratic respect.
Listen to your kids and you will be amazed to know how his little mind can surprise you. -
Thanks for the book recommendation. Have reserved a copy from NLB.
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Hi, thanks for the tips. I feel much better knowing that all feel that parenting is a tough journey.
I am already facing the shouting match with my 4 yr old boy and I am really worried that it will get bad to worse. When daddy is around, the boy is better behaved.
I finally have a taste of the extent today when he shouted at me in a bookshop. Not only that, when he knew that I am not buying a particular book, he had the audacity to try running out of the shop!!!
Imagine what would have happen if he had really gone off…I really gave him a good scolding outside after his bad behaviour. Told him of the consequence of his action. -
After reading skippy’s posting, I fully agree with her.
Yelling or shouting will not do any good or solve the problem. Reasoning, talk it out, discussion are the best approach. Being an adult, we should be cool and calm before tackling the problems with our kids. Of course, adults are also normal human beings, we can lost control sometimes. I remember a situation, I was quite nervous on one issue that I kept repeating and nagging to dd. Instead of flare up on my nagging, she calmed me down "Relax mummy, cool down. Breath in, breath out !", with a smile. Immediately, my temperature drop and we were able to continue the discussion, with no heat. On the other hand, when discussion become out of control and the kids demand too much, we parents should know when to say, "No, this is not acceptable."
When there are heat argument, it is best to let both sides cool down. After cooling down, we should try to explain to them our standing, reasons and not just let it pass and forget about it. -
Does your child answer back ?
How do you deal with it ?
Thanks -
I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.
I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.
I don’t advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.
The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.
I don’t want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse. -
kiasimom:
:goodpost: EXACTLY my sentiments!I take it that it is healthy for a child to talk back.
I will first determine the reason why he talks back.
I will listen to him and I will then analyse why he talks back.
I don't advocate the idea that as parents we are always right.
The child should have a mind of his own and be encouraged to speak up on what is in his mind.
I don't want to raise a robot who will only listens to instructions but deprive of his thinkings and mindset.
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse. -
kiasimom:
You are right, but usually they are downright rude & showed lack of respect !!
As long as my child is not rude, it may be a positive thing for him to reason with me.
It shows that he has the ability to analyse.
What do you do then ?
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