Relationship b/w FTWM & children vs SAHM & children
-
I am a PTWM (part time working mum), and am enjoying every bit of it!
I do freelance work so i can take time off to be there for my kids during their special events.
As I did not have the luxury of parents or in- laws supervision during my kids early years, i had no choice but to convert to part time work to ensure that they are left in the care of the maid entirely.
They are now entering teenage years, and they still confide in me, especially when making important decisions. I let them decide most of the time after explaining the pros and cons.
I was brought up by my SAHM.
My DH brought up by his FTWM.
We both love our mommies very much.
As a teenager, he knew that his mom had to work so that he and his 3 other siblings could get a decent education.
To SAHM, it is worth your every while to devote your time wholeheartedly to your kids! :udawoman:
To FTWM, you have to make sacrifices to earn money, i am sure your kids will understand that you are working hard to give them a better life! :salute: -
sleepy:
Great icon sleepy! On a side note, autumnbronze, HOW DID YOU ELEVATE TO BROWN BELT SO FAST? TELL ME HOW! I WANT TO JOIN THE RANKS OF GM TOO, YOU KNOW!A relative shared with us her experience. She's retired, used to be a career woman. She told us the biggest regret in her life was spending too much time at work. When she looked back & wanted to hug her kids, she realized they were all too grown up & didn't need her anymore.
We had that conversation 7 years ago. Update on that relative. All her kids have since moved out & live in different cities. She's home alone. Fortunately, being a sociable person, she still have lots of friends.
-
I am a FTWM and my kids are still young (2 and 4 yo) so I do not know how my relationship with them will be. I try my best to spend as much time as I can with them as i know that they will have their own life and friends when they grow up.
I guess the main difference between FTWM and SAHM is that SAHM spend more time with their kids. But this does not necessarily translate into better relationship.
I speak from personal experience, as my mother was a SAHM but my relationship with her is worse than with my MIL. While she is physically at home, she is not emotionally connected to us. She is more concerned about getting the housework done than spending time with us. I do not know if that is how she shows her love for us, but it does not work for me
As my mother, she does not even know that I do not eat spicy food. I went back for dinner recently, and she asked me to eat the curry she cooked. Most of the dishes were spicy and I ended up eating only one egg and rice for dinner.
With such a childhood, I told myself I do not want to be like my mother. I want to be involved with my kids, and let them know I love them in ways they can appreciate. Hope I can do what I aspire to. -
Muffins:
Good question, i would like to know too. :?
Great icon sleepy! On a side note, autumnbronze, HOW DID YOU ELEVATE TO BROWN BELT SO FAST? TELL ME HOW! I WANT TO JOIN THE RANKS OF GM TOO, YOU KNOW!sleepy:
A relative shared with us her experience. She's retired, used to be a career woman. She told us the biggest regret in her life was spending too much time at work. When she looked back & wanted to hug her kids, she realized they were all too grown up & didn't need her anymore.
We had that conversation 7 years ago. Update on that relative. All her kids have since moved out & live in different cities. She's home alone. Fortunately, being a sociable person, she still have lots of friends.
Autumnbronze, share share leh, so we can learn from you
-
mummy of 2:
hi mummy of 2, i understand wat u mean. actually i was quite close to my mum when she was at home. come to think of it, after she started to go out to work when i reach sec school, we became more distanced. perhaps its becos she's too tired after work to try and communicate with us. everytime we talk, we end up in arguments. (i was a teenager then so naturally had the normal teen issues) my parents' stand was - dun argue. we r your parents so what we say is correct. after a while, we really stopped arguing with them, even when we dun agree with them. so can u imagine our relationship can be close? i think it was a combination of my parents not knowing how to handle and communicate with teenagers plus working full-time is taxing for my mum already.I am a FTWM and my kids are still young (2 and 4 yo) so I do not know how my relationship with them will be. I try my best to spend as much time as I can with them as i know that they will have their own life and friends when they grow up.
I guess the main difference between FTWM and SAHM is that SAHM spend more time with their kids. But this does not necessarily translate into better relationship.
I speak from personal experience, as my mother was a SAHM but my relationship with her is worse than with my MIL. While she is physically at home, she is not emotionally connected to us. She is more concerned about getting the housework done than spending time with us. I do not know if that is how she shows her love for us, but it does not work for me As my mother, she does not even know that I do not eat spicy food. I went back for dinner recently, and she asked me to eat the curry she cooked. Most of the dishes were spicy and I ended up eating only one egg and rice for dinner.
With such a childhood, I told myself I do not want to be like my mother. I want to be involved with my kids, and let them know I love them in ways they can appreciate. Hope I can do what I aspire to.
i dun blame my parents. they did what they knew and what they could. but hopefully i dun do the same thing to my dd, esp when she becomes a teenager next time. -
Actually a mother’s role is really important in holding the family together. i can see this very clearly in my mother and MIL. Both are SAHM but the priority, communication style and relationship with kids are so different.
Alot of time I feel sorry for my mother, as she is really miserable but I must admit I do not enjoy talking to her. All she wants to do is to talk about her misery, how her relationship with my father, sister, SIL etc is bad. How ill-fated she is to have such a hard life, how fortunate other people are to have such good daughters…
I’m hoping I won’t end up like that - so bitter and miserable. -
[quote]so i guess end of day, it boils down to the character and personality of the mother herself. if she is a loving and warm person, not selfish nor self-centred, and she still affords quality time with the children despite the busy schedule, attempts to maintain communication and understanding (basically to connect) with the children thru their growing years, its still very much possible to have a great relationship between a FTWM and her children.[/quote]
Well said. It does not matter whether the mother is a sahm or ftwm or ptwm. It depends on how much quality time the mother has spent with her child/children.
Some might say, there's no home cook food. My mum was working on and off through out my growing up period (sometime sahm sometime ftwm). I'm an early riser & will be awake by 5.30am to watch the sunrise. By then my mum would be attacking the laundry by hand while waiting for the meat to defrost. Once laundry done, she prepared for my breakfast and lunch while I prepare for school. Because I am extremely picky, she will always have a separate dish for me and separate ones for my sister and father. Off I go to school and she went off to work. It's a hard life and I really appreciate her juggling finding extra income so that we kids can grow up with a bit of luxury. When she becomes SAHM. Nothing change. She's still doing the same housework and the same type of food. She's a very private and quiet person. So little cuddle, not much interaction between me and her. So doesn't matter if she is a sahm or she is a ftwm. -
As for myself I work full time. Home cook food on weekends and occassionally on weekdays. Hugs and kisses a plenty as I skip lunch to send and pick them up from school. Whatever spare time are strictly for play, talking, reading or spending time together. I have no more balance time for "nurturing". I leave it to the school to do the curriculum teaching.
So I guess that is the only missing ingredient for me being a ftwm. Relationship wise, I hope ours will be great and lasting. I can’t comment for now. They are just 10 & 8. -
Muffins:
On a side note, autumnbronze, HOW DID YOU ELEVATE TO BROWN BELT SO FAST? TELL ME HOW! I WANT TO JOIN THE RANKS OF GM TOO, YOU KNOW!mummy of 2:
Hi Muffins/mummy of 2,Good question, i would like to know too. :?
Autumnbronze, share share leh, so we can learn from you
Ummmmmm.... :oops: :oops:
Maybe I 'kaypo' too much
:lol:
-
haha then i must learn to be more kaypo too
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login