don't really know how to talk to wife

[Joule]

Funz:

Joule:

You know, I am not lying but I speak for many men and sometimes men don't mind a certain amount of ditziness around as long as they make them feel important...once in a while.

I think this is so true. Many friends, guys as well as gals have told me. Be less independant, be a damsel in distress sometimes, lean on your man, act the bimbo once in a while. It really does boost his ego.

You know that story of the dragon slaying knight from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? He left his princess and settled down with another woman who didn't know anything about slaying dragons.

go read it. or google it. Good to know.

[Joule]

[quote]
Are you my wife? The way you fail to 'get it' is very similar. I must make a note to see if she has a ksp account.
:nunchuk: someone is being mean[/quote]I mean no offense to Cherrygal but this is a prime example of how misunderstandings occur and this is the type of misunderstanding that plagues wife and I from time to time! I talk A she think I am talking B

[sailorman]

your wife sounds very capable. Just maybe a silly suggestion:-

you should start a small biz for her to run. When she encounter problems, will come looking and talking to you. She may be tame thereafter. Who knows, thru the undertaking, your relationships may improve.

Sadly, at least for me, other than our kids, the biz seems to be the only other thing we are keeping in conversation.

[Funz]

Joule:

Funz:

[quote=\"Joule\"]You know, I am not lying but I speak for many men and sometimes men don't mind a certain amount of ditziness around as long as they make them feel important...once in a while.

I think this is so true. Many friends, guys as well as gals have told me. Be less independant, be a damsel in distress sometimes, lean on your man, act the bimbo once in a while. It really does boost his ego.

You know that story of the dragon slaying knight from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? He left his princess and settled down with another woman who didn't know anything about slaying dragons.

go read it. or google it. Good to know.[/quote]I know, men need to feel that they are needed. Took me awhile to understand what all these friends were telling me. But there's also a reason why I was so independant, character as well as circumstances. Long story.

Seriously, think about your situation. Is your wife talking like that to you because she is intentionally trying to belittle you or is that just who she is. If you think she is just being who she is, let go of your resentment first and remember, she is just being herself. Find a time to let her know how you feel. Don't expect things to change immediately but if you do see her making the effort, acknowledge it. If you think she is intentionally trying to make you feel lousy, I think you will have to dig further and find out what caused this attitude and try and take it from there. Ultimately, if there is still love between you two, there is hope that things can improve.

[Joule]

thank you funz


yes, I am very sure it is not on purpose.

we do have our good times. It’s just that I don’t have my desired reactions and get exasperated from time to time. Got to cool off oneself and do things to ease up.

of course, I will write to ksp to vent a bit from time to time.

I am sure things will be better.

thank you again

[Canvas]

Maybe it’s time to go for a short getaway, just your wife and you if possible. Human do get complacent after a while and may have forgotten the sweetness between them during the start of the courtship. Resentment in a marriage is unhealthy and will unconsciously hurt the others involved e.g children.


I believe in speaking in the right tone (everyone needs a different one) to each other. Sometimes a gentle reminder is needed once in a while if the other party is not sensitive enough. I remember reading somewhere to always use "I feel…" instead of saying "You make me…" In which the latter sounds more confrontational.

Good luck.

[cherrygal]

Joule, if you felt misunderstood by me, I am sorry. Just trying to help put things into perspective here coz I am guilty of behaving like your wife too and I know men like to feel important... Problem is, these same men like to marry smart bossy women too... why the contradiction?


I did say that your wife needs to speak with more respect, just in case you thought I wasn't on your side.

I don't know if she is really smart or not but ultimately, the point was to encourage you to see her positive side and work things out. Hope you can take things easy...

Dun worry, I am definitely NOT your wife!
:siam:

[Joule]

cherrygal:

Joule, if you felt misunderstood by me, I am sorry. Just trying to help put things into perspective here coz I am guilty of behaving like your wife too and I know men like to feel important... Problem is, these same men like to marry smart bossy women too... why the contradiction?


I did say that your wife needs to speak with more respect, just in case you thought I wasn't on your side.

I don't know if she is really smart or not but ultimately, the point was to encourage you to see her positive side and work things out. Hope you can take things easy...

Dun worry, I am definitely NOT your wife!
:siam:

hi hi thank you for the positive response...

good to know you're 'not' my wife :siam:

[Augmum]

Joule:

you sort of made the point that many men in SG face. but I think in the context of a traditional marriage, husband should make the final decision. But having said that, a lot of wives say they don't give the husband 'face'. There was one obnoxious case of my wife's friend criticizing how 'stupid' her husband is when they met for dinner. Some wives have a sick thrill out of it. I know where this thrill comes from.

Hi Joule,
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp )
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha

Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....

If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....

Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....

As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....

[vinegar]

As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.


Yes,yes,u r absolutely right :rahrah:

When we raise up our opinion to our DHs,hv to be tactful.Always add this powerful words:\"well,it is up to u,u r the head of family,i let u decide,dear\"

I've this habit of sharing wf him, on the shorter distance to reach the destination.For me,i mean well;for him,i might be \"belittle\" him :skeptical: .I try to control,but sometx can't help it when he is driving towards the heavy traffics road while knowing there is a shortcut nearby,to avoid the jam.

I remember once he was driving in australia...he drove the wrong way n insisted he was right.I let him be,at the end,proven it was wrong.Then i told him,\"just now u came fr. there,logically,u shld drive back to where u came fr.then opposite direction\" OMG,didn't know i was digging my own grave :scared: he wasn't happy wf me over the next few days.Luckily,we straighten things out n he was fine later.

Ever since then,even i know he is going to drive towards dead end or lake or sea,i either keep quiet or \"ask\" him instead of correcting him.