In-law problems?
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buds:
Dearest Duriz...
I'm just glad to see you here :hugs:
Please take good care of yourself, DDs and your baby belly. -
janet_lee88:
What 亮晶晶 ah ? My SIL is not Cantonese, and she approached a feng shui master to choose her daughter's name. I have her to thank for, in not agreeing to the obiang traditional middle names.[/quote]yes lor, somehow i think and feel she doesn't like my daughter leh.. which granny will give such an orbiang name??
piangz :faint:duriz:
[quote=\"hapydino\"] my MIL wanted a name that sounds Bright and Shiny which is GOOD is her opinion..
she suggested 亮晶 or did she mean 亮金??
me, DH, DH's sister all go HUH???
den why she doesn't name my SIL 亮晶 leh??
not to mention, we gave her the right to choose what she wanna be referred to and she fickle minded between Ah Mah to Nai Nai to Ah Po.. so we gave up.. since nanny is Ah Mah, she shall be Nai Nai..
but she is in denial.. in the same span of half an hour she can go 'let Ah Mah xxx' later 'Po Po no good hoh xx xx' to 'ask mummy bring u come see Nai Nai more often'.. -
markfch:
Haha!Not adding oil into fire here, but aftering reading all your misfortunes with the dreaded mils, I felt quite fortunate that all my mil expected of me was to bore her a grandson (which I succeeded, phew!). She even went as far as making an appt to a certain 'renowned' sinseh for me (w/o my consent) when I was childless after a few yrs of marriage.
Some female acquantances I knew are so full of themselves that I expect they will end up torturing their own dils in future
The dynamics between MIL-SIL and MIL-DIL is very very different.
In the second case its all about possession - there is one winner only
remember,
winner takes it all, the loser standing small...
Its very exciting drama as long as you are not one of the parties involved
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Sun_2010:
winner takes it all, the loser standing small...
ahh... MaMa Mia... :love: -
i agree with cherrygal…
i oso find if the MIL have their own daughter, somehow its impossible or difficult for them to treat us DIL like their own… the love will of cuz go to own daughter instead of other people’s daughter… -
actually i think with daughter or no daughter, in general MILs will not love their DILs like their own daughter lah. DILs are the ones plotting and instigating against them so as to take away their precious sons!
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duriz,
Well done gal! -
tree nymph:
Thank you tree nymph :celebrate:duriz,
Well done gal!
Everytime I see your avatar, it makes me smile
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tree nymph:
actually i think with daughter or no daughter, in general MILs will not love their DILs like their own daughter lah. DILs are the ones plotting and instigating against them so as to take away their precious sons!
quite true oso.. but i oso hear some MIL really love the son and dil leh.. 爱屋及乌.. -
Dear friends, thank you for all your kind words, concerns and suggestions.
Guess i was just feeling the tension cause the new owners of the ol' place
are moving in very soon and it seems that living arrangements have not bn
finalized. I have very little or rather no say in this decision (unless if it is my
place in mention) plainly because the parents are theirs. I have brought it
up to hubs during earlier house hunting days that he should sit down with
BIL and sort things out in case ILs have no other options available to them.
$ is an issue for ILs as they never planned for their retirement at all. :roll:
Having a filial son like hubs only makes them even more complacent i find.
But that aside, being filial IS a trait i do like in men. It means they are the
types who are respectful and responsible. My daddie is one such person..
He is a wonderful father too. I share many many great memories taking
care of gramma..... both of us together. In gramma's dying days, we knew
that she knew we loved her so.... cos though she was comatose stiff for like
2yrs..... she gripped our fingers with whatever strength she had left & shed
a few droplets of tears before we left her on our last visit. The doc had been
telling us she cannot hear, move or speak... in harsh words she was already
a vegetable. We persevered to speak to her each day and ensured she was
in the best of care. All my dad's siblings took turns to take care of her in their
home. Not that there weren't problems but everyone took turns.
I was also feeling down over a few other side issues that i came to know of
plus some baby scares as well. Good news is the baby scares are finally over
and out of the way and i hope to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy days since
it's the last one. :lol: *gulp* ... i hope.
As for the ILs thingy, i was overly worried that hubs would bring it up to me
that we may have to put them up with us for the meantime until they find
their own space. All these arrangements should have been gao tim earlier by
right ya know, cos it takes many months to look for a place and to sell a place.
Initially, hubs was saying let them settle their own problems and i got worried.
Cause they never do. In the end it would still be hubs who wud be the one
who had to come in to settle the problem physically and financially. It always
has been. Just that i feel slighted when i raise this observation, hubs usually
finds i'm the black sheep... that i'm always thinking negative about them & him
helping them and stuff. Never once did he think that i am very concerned that
he is helping them beyond his means and indirectly adding stress to himself.
It only paved the way to ILs never being able to be independent all on their
own. They are lost without hubs. I love to the point that it pains me to see
him going and doing beyond what he can. Being the understanding wife & with
our sensitive girls, we always try to placate his mood swings when he's upset
with his family on top of work stress. Hubs failed to see and sense that we
care about him, his well being and that his temperament inflicts ripple effect
on us that he may not realise. I have been there through everything and i truly
mean everything..... i am sad that he sometimes ticks me off and thinks i am
insensitive to his family problems and stuff... but i mean, haven't i been more
than sensitive? More than accommodating? More than magnanimous? Even
after MIL have tried to come between us soo many times causing us to have
unnecessary husband and wife squabbles which didn't even start from either
one of us?
I am one who always try to see good in people..... focus on positives but with
this one person i am beyond trying. I'm done. I give up. I am tired. I am just so
exhausted with all her mind games and scheming ways. I dun care anymore
that hubs doesn't know... chooses not to know... or anything. I'm throwing
in the towel. This is one fence which i now truly feel not worth mending... plus
it has never been me to break the fence so many times in the first place. I have
come to the point where not even harsh love works anymore. She's just too
much of a nuisance already. Really feel bad even saying it. But really lah... enuf.
Enuf of me being an un-dutiful wife who bulllies :whut: her husband and wears
the pants in the house and me again the un-respectful daughter in law... who can
never seem to listen to her... :whut: ... the fat whale who cannot please her son
aesthetically and sexually
.... the incapable mother who doesn't know better
when it comes to raising my own children :whut:.... the ill-bred child who wasn't
raised properly by my parents...
ENOUGH.
Not that i want to be bad la. But if she did a helluva better job, then why BIL
doesn't even 'volunteer' to take her & FIL in to stay with them? Why is he still
resistant to have them over even after many discussions?
Frankly, if she wasn't such a pain and THAT unbearable to begin with and live with...
i don't think i'd be posting ANYthing here... ever. :roll: It is hard to respect a person
who not only doesn't show you the same basic respect but also comes down hard
on making things difficult for theirchildren & always having ideas on how to break us
up. Parents; i thought should be the ones offering guidance to mediate and patch
up cracks to us young ones... not make things worse and get out of hand.
Aniwaes, i do not want her to get under my skin anymore. I've not been rude
to her all this time... trying my best to respect her as an elder and as also my mother,
since she is after all my mother in law. So i chose to just avoid any confrontation,
any action, or rather... anything in general. In fact i have not been talking to her for the
past year and yet..... can you believe it, i still come to know that she has been bad mouthing me.
Our home is finally almost finished and we can finally declare it officially
ours and in the open... Soon...
Our home... i like how that sounds. The house is beautiful and i cannot
ask for more.:please: It is quiet and peaceful physically, emotionally and
spiritually. The girls are giggling a lot more since we arrived and find they
can finally feel a sense of belonging here.
Though crossing fingers and praying sooo hard may not have helped all
the time, i will still do a final cross on this one and pray my hardest that
this time..... for my happiness, my children's happiness, the rebuilding of
our marriage & to the new start to our lives that our new baby is bringing
in for us..... for love ..... that was supposedly how it all started.....
I truly pray that hubs will do us right... for once.
God, wherever you are..... please ...... carry me with you if you think i deserve to...
if you find i have done it right by you...
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*Tks RRMummy 4 reposting that piece... it provides me comfort and solace... i sure needed that...*.
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