In-law problems?

[buds]

LKVM:

Buds almost the tears started rolling after reading ur post (I have been sitting in the open office so need to quickly grab the napkin).. I will surely pray for ur happiness

:snuggles: Thank you LKVM.. :snuggles: Sorry to have made you cry.
I heaved one giant sigh after i posted that last long post. I felt better
already now that's out..... this is one place i know i can pour my heart
out.

[buds]

:love:


:snuggles:

[RRMummy]

buds:

Enuf of me being an un-dutiful wife who bulllies :whut: her husband and wears
the pants in the house and me again the un-respectful daughter in law... who can
never seem to listen to her... :whut: ... the fat whale who cannot please her son
aesthetically and sexually .... the incapable mother who doesn't know better
when it comes to raising my own children :whut:.... the ill-bred child who wasn't
raised properly by my parents...
..
I truly pray that hubs will do us right... for once.

God, wherever you are..... please ...... carry me with you if you think i deserve to...
if you find i have done it right by you...
*Tks RRMummy 4 reposting that piece... it provides me comfort and solace... i sure needed that...*.

Gosh dear... i so wanna give you a very big hug right now... :snuggles: i'm tearing as I write.. all the insults that you have had to put up with..and you could still have stayed with them for 10 whole years!! My heart aches for you dear..

It's great news that baby is now stable. Dear GOD, as you gave buds and family a new hope, a new baby and a new home to make it all well again.. please carry her through this tall and strong

Buds, if your DH is sensitive towards lyrics, let him listen to \"The Winner Takes it All\". Althou it's abt the losing her husband coz of adultery, I still find the words aptly describes the hurt of a 'betrayal'...

I don’t wanna talk
About the things we’ve gone through
Though it’s hurting me
Now it’s history
I’ve played all my cards
And that’s what you’ve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I’d be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It’s simple and it’s plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don’t wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You’ve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......


:grphug:

[buds]

I'm the one sensitive babe.. not him. :lol:

While that worked on me aptly, it won't work on him.

[RRMummy]

haiz... wonder what can knock some senses into him... :idea:

[buds]

Dunno if this might work.. :clubmyself:


:rotflmao:

[RRMummy]

buds:

Dunno if this might work.. :clubmyself:


:rotflmao:

okay, tell me where and when he can be whacked, i wanna go 'clubbing'... :rubhands:

[RRMummy]

LKVM:

RRMummy:

\"The Winner Takes it All\". Althou it's abt the losing her husband coz of adultery, I still find the words aptly describes the hurt of a 'betrayal'...

RRMummy the lyrics are soooooooo nice :love:

U like too?

The song was written at the point the singer found out abt her dumb husband's (also in the ABBA group) betrayal...you could really feel her hurt and anguish..always makes me cry when i hear it..

I'm lousy with words, and I always found certain songs could put those feelings I feel into words very aptly.. so some follow me through thick and thin.. :love:

[autumnbronze]

LKVM:

hapydino:

[quote=\"tree nymph\"]actually i think with daughter or no daughter, in general MILs will not love their DILs like their own daughter lah. DILs are the ones plotting and instigating against them so as to take away their precious sons!

quite true oso.. but i oso hear some MIL really love the son and dil leh.. 爱屋及乌..

Most of the MIL will love their son mah but DIL errrrrrrrrr not too many :P[/quote]Just want to share a different perspective of the MIL issue .....

I don't know whether an MIL can ever truly love her DIL like her own daughter, but I do know that because they know that both they and the DIL love their son, hence they will be nice to their DIL.

My MIL also ran the household, taking care of her three boys. They hold her in high regard because she worked like mad, saving every penny to the point of stinging on herself to ensure they were well-provided for. She is not a bad or vindictive person. In fact, sad to say, she has done A LOT more for me than my own mom has in the 10 yrs that I have been married to DH. However, we both have VERY different perceptions of marriage as well as parenting, and that is where sometimes the conflict comes in. So, when DS is in her house, and if DH is not there, I let her be, in handling my DS and later explain to DS that what is allowed there is not allowed at home or in general on a frequent basis eg eating of sweets. I refrain from interfering, no matter how difficult it is sometimes, because I do not want my DS to be influenced from any negative vibes, as well as the fact that it is their house and I respect that. If DH is there, then I will request him to intervene.

I know she also cannot understand why do I have to travel with DH on his biz trips and leave DS behind with her (via her actions). Funnily, DH is the one who requests that I come with him. Not that she does not want to take care of him, but she is the sort of mother who put her life on hold to take care of her sons, and I think she kinda expects me to do the same.

Actually, I think what she really lacks is tact. She's been very untactful with some of her remarks over the years and I've had to bite my tongue. At least DH provides a listening ear. I attribute it to the fact that she does not have any daughters. The only time I really could not tahan her was when after DS was born and bcuz she had never breastfed, so she could not understand that aspect of motherhood and literally 'harassed' me. I had to beg my DH to talk to her and get her to lay off. Thank goodness he attended the pre-natal classes with me and had some idea about the benefits of breastfeeding.

Now, as I see my DS getting older year by year, I sometimes remind myself and my DH that I must never ever be a typical MIL. It is easier said than done. Its like a CEO giving up his job to retire or downgrading himself to the job of a taxi-driver (no offence intended). The insecurities that they feel in the loss/change of their jobs is one reason. So yeah, when MIL is in one of her moods, I just remind that to myself. Maybe I can be understanding because she has never been deliberately nasty to me. And most importantly, no matter how much I do not agree with most of her ways in bringing up my DS, I am assured that she truly does love him and will do anything for him. At least that is one common thread that we share.

So in essence, I can understand why MILs can never treat their DILs as daughters and can even be overprotective with regards to their married son. But that said, I strongly feel that that doesn't give them any teeny weeny bit of right to be nasty and unreasonable to their DILs. Weren't they a DIL too, once?? Funny how their memory fails when it comes to this phase of their life :roll: :roll:

So ladies, after reading some of your posts here, I really sympathize with you and at the same time, :salute: at the fact that you have overcome/are trying to overcome your 'situation' to the best of your abilities.

[autumnbronze]

LKVM:

RRMummy:

\"The Winner Takes it All\". Althou it's abt the losing her husband coz of adultery, I still find the words aptly describes the hurt of a 'betrayal'...

RRMummy the lyrics are soooooooo nice :love:

From ABBA ....