In-law problems?
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I know some of my friends said if have differences in opinion over bringing up kids, why don’t send the kids to childcare then no need to depend on MIL–we did. But MIL threw a fit and accused us of barring her grandkids from her. She threatened to disown my hubby if we sent the kids to CC.
Then she tell my FIL she wants to see a psychiatrist coz she can’t sleep/eat etc. She says she is going crazy. She sounded so real that she wanted help that I called up a doc’s wanting to arrange an appt for her.
But later on finding out we changed our mind abt CC, she said, "No need to see doc liao. I’m fine already, see doc for what!?!" -
I’ve known people with wonderful in-laws. Too bad mine aren’t. Even DH can’t get along with them and that dates back to ages ago due to family politics. Infact, my grandparent-in-laws are the liberal and understanding ones! Surprising huh?!!!
PILs are control freaks! When we first had a maid, it had to be their choice and we were not allowed to discipline the maid and don’t even dream about firing the maid. Not even when accidents happened to our kids.
When we finally chose our own and they were super unhappy. When we went maidless, 1st thing my MIL said was, "we don’t have enough manpower". In other words, don’t bring kids over unless you have to maid to follow them. Funny thing is they have 2 maids and still not enough manpower??? Wonder what their maids do?? -
my PILs are ok & my hubby will handle his parents,so i dun bother so much. since my kids are being looked after by my inlaws(only my daughter since my son goes CC).
Now the problem is my own parents. My mum look down on me & my hubby. Just because we don’t own a car, she look down on us & also other things. To make matter worst, there was an incident when my daughter(8mths) had difficulty pooing(she was crying & screaming nonstop) & my hubby decided to rush her down to kk emergency. Den my mum kept telling us to eat dinner 1st since she already cooked so much. But how can she expect us to eat when such a thing happen to my child? so my hubby told my mum he won’t be eating cos he wants to bring my gal to hospital NOW. Again my mum force us to eat dinner 1st den go. endup my hubby was angry, he told my mum in an angry tone cannot wait anymore since my gal is screaming & crying until her face turn pale liao, he carry my gal & rush to kkh.
Bcos of this incident, my parents kept calling my hubby a monster father cos he refuse to eat dinner before bringing my gal to kkh. They even spread the news around how rude & what a ‘monster father’ my hubby is.
Not only this, my mum also love to tell relatives & her friends im incapable of looking after my kids, always saying i duno how to take care & such a lously mother.she alway say "u this type of mother, duno how to take care of yr children". Bcos of these problems, my relationship with her is not good.
Now she said my dad complain his children(me & my bro) only care abt ourselves. In my mind, i tot, with such ‘good’ parents like u, everything also critise, everytime i c u im so sian.
Now i know why my bro decided to go overseas to work so he can avoid such things. -
Mummyjune, sad to hear that. I think having own mum look down is worst than IL who pick on you.
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Flowermonaster:
Mummyjune, sad to hear that. I think having own mum look down is worst than IL who pick on you.
i went back to my parent's place this morning to pick up some stuff. she was watchin tv & i told her my gal is sick. den she start saying \"sick again? if u dun wan to bring her here use a better excuse la, Better next time dun need to come here anymore, yr useless husband dun allow u to come iszit, so scared of yr useless husband for what, so stupid\" (Exact words she had said).
i was very angry, wanted to scold her back BUT whats the point, she only tinks she right, even she wrong she also deny. endup i juz kept quiet, took my things & went off.
as i went off, deep inside i was very upset :sad: , thinkin y do ive such a mother. haiz. sometimes i really dun wan to ve anything to do with her anymore. -
mummyJune:
Flowermonaster:
Mummyjune, sad to hear that. I think having own mum look down is worst than IL who pick on you.
i went back to my parent's place this morning to pick up some stuff. she was watchin tv & i told her my gal is sick. den she start saying \"sick again? if u dun wan to bring her here use a better excuse la, Better next time dun need to come here anymore, yr useless husband dun allow u to come iszit, so scared of yr useless husband for what, so stupid\" (Exact words she had said).
i was very angry, wanted to scold her back BUT whats the point, she only tinks she right, even she wrong she also deny. endup i juz kept quiet, took my things & went off.
as i went off, deep inside i was very upset :sad: , thinkin y do ive such a mother. haiz. sometimes i really dun wan to ve anything to do with her anymore.
It must be so hurting. :hugs:
A parent child love is unconditional. But that doesnt mean you have to accept all behaviour.
It is your duty to protect yourself.
You can try and do that respectfully while you can still take charge of your emotions.
If things go this way you may reach a point where hate and anger will be stronger than your love.
No one wins in that situation. Both will be wounded - you and your mother.
May be you can tell your mother seriously that you are very hurt when she talks like that. Or if your dad is more understanding tell him that.
Tell them that they may not think much of your husband but he is your husband and you love him. So it hurts to hear them humiliate him.
After that whenever, she talks rudely, give her a look then ignore her, just talk in monosylabales , look thru her if needed.
Hopefully she will get the message soon. -
Sun_2010= thank u for yr advise. i really duno y she hates my hubby so much, she even say things like im so blind to marry him & im so dumb etc. last time when my hubby & i were plannin our wedding, she even say things like if i marry him she will disown me. Just bcos she dislike him she must ruin my happiness?
& also bcos my son can’t talk yet, she even critise say he is deaf & dumb. same goes for my father, he is a follower of his wife. i really cant relate to them at all. she even told my relatives my son cannot talk but when my son say things like apple, fish, my relatives will ask my mum y u say he cannot talk, he just said apple & fish. den my mum will say no la u hear wrongly, he cannot talk at all. -
mummyJune:
Did you ask her why she dislike your hubby? Find out the source & work from there. At the very least, you know why he was sentenced to death.Sun_2010= thank u for yr advise. i really duno y she hates my hubby so much, she even say things like im so blind to marry him & im so dumb etc. last time when my hubby & i were plannin our wedding, she even say things like if i marry him she will disown me. Just bcos she dislike him she must ruin my happiness?
& also bcos my son can't talk yet, she even critise say he is deaf & dumb. same goes for my father, he is a follower of his wife. i really cant relate to them at all. she even told my relatives my son cannot talk but when my son say things like apple, fish, my relatives will ask my mum y u say he cannot talk, he just said apple & fish. den my mum will say no la u hear wrongly, he cannot talk at all.
Before I marry my DH, my mum also showed her displeasure to me. She don't like Malaysian & will give him cold shoulder every time he come to our house. We used to quarrel & had cold war but each time my DH will ask me not to be disrespectful to my mum. My DH knew my mum dislike him but did not take it to heart. He still show her respect & slowly my mum grew to like him. When we were preparing our wedding, my DH & my MIL will try their best to give whatever my mum request. Luckily my mum did not purposely make things difficult, so everyone was happy. -
Flowermonaster:
Mummyjune, sad to hear that. I think having own mum look down is worst than IL who pick on you.
DH faces this problem from his parents which is why we are always picked on and outcast by them. I feel as parents, such doings will split the bond within the family. I can see its a mess and they just blame every thing on me...or us! Making up stories and accusations. Sad.... -
Flowermonaster= she dislike him cos she feels that he is not good enough for me & cos of 1incident my hubby was rude to her, she thinks that im scared of my hubby & everything listen to him which is so untrue. im soft-spoken, certain things i will keep to myself, im not like her who will everything talk out loud when unhappy. nowadays i avoid bringing my kids to her place otherwise unhappyness will happen. but my hubby always tel me dun quarrel with my mum, he also tells me to bring the kids over to her place no matter wat she is still the por por.
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