In-law problems?

[daisyt]

So, should I conclude, when choosing husband, better don't choose one who is a mummy's boy or one who has strong bonding with his parents side :roll: :?


I have seen a case, the husband very towards to wife's parent side. Everything is wife's parents come first, not his own parent. Everything is wife and his own kids come first, his own parents last.

[2ppaamm]

Hm... maybe not. I believe a filial son has probably got good values and a kind heart. Very important husband material, leh.


However, as they say, he shall leave his parents and be joint together as one with his wife. So, after the marriage, wife should come first mah... It is when the priority is reversed that the problem arises.

So men, to get your wifey happy, wife really has to come first, not mama. But mama also must respect. BUT wife still first. Then, children, then your mama and sister and brother.

Honestly, I sometimes think I am also too petty lah. Especially after a few years of marriage, when I was mistreated a few times, I think I over react. Time to tone down, and turn deaf and dumb. No contact, no conflict. Maybe, after this cooling down period (a decade or so? :lol:), things will be better.

I reflected upon how the situations could have been better. If DH would believe me when I told him how his mum REALLY is, then I wouldn't get so angry. If he would listen a bit deeper into what his mum is saying against me, perhaps I wouldn't pick up a quarrel. Perhaps if he would offer a shoulder to cry on rather than focus on defending his side of the family, I will not think I'm alone in this battle. This defense won't change wife's point of view and improve MIL/DIL relationship, it only pulls hubby and wife further apart, it seems.

I don't think anyone wants the hubby to disown his mum, it's just that wife should be ranked above, and feel that she is more important in his life, and she IS more important, then things will simmer down more quickly.

Also, gals, don't think divorce lah... I feel very sad hearing this leh...

[Picolo]

angela:

Hi all mothers,


After reading all your posts, I realise that all MILs are all the same. Sometimes, my friends also complained about their MILs.

My ILs are staying with me and they dun have house. Now, I am pregnant with my second one. My first one is a girl and they were very disappointed as they want to have a grandson. When I was pregnant with my first one, before they knew the gender, my MIL still cared about me and my baby but after that dun care. Now, they knew that my second one is also a girl, they totally hard care. Dun even bother to ask anything after my every scan. Sometimes, I feel very sorry to my children. My first girl is taken care by my mother. My mother's side love her alot. But my ILs just care about my SIL's children. Always think of them, never spare a thought on my girl. The worst part is that I cannot talk any bad things about them to my husband. He will bad at me and give me face.

Actually, I should try to feel happy and relax as I am pregnant but look at them, I really cannot tolerate. Sometimes, complain to my mother and today, I cannot tolerate, I cried infront of my mother. My mother feels sorry to me and told me that if they dun love my kids, she will love them and look after them.

Sometimes, I really want to divorce. If I dun have any kids, I really will divorce but now, cannot, I need to think of them.

I really scare that I will get depression after I give birth in the April. My husband also doesnt concern about me, always thinks of his parents.

Not all MILs are the same la... my MIL doesn't want to stay with us from day 1 even when my husband is the only son. She said, \"More freedom. Can go anywhere whenever I like to.\" Looking back, I feel that she is such a wise mum, wise in the sense that she knew it's hard not to have ILs conflicts if we are to stay under one roof. I also value the freedom to run my household the way I/DH like to.

Almost EVERY weekend, my family and families of DH's sisters will still gather at my ILs' place for dinner. The little ones get to play together.

My MIL suffered during her times - she have 5 daughters before having a son.

Why care about what other people think? We can't please everyone. Children are God's gifts, and we have the responsibility to bring them up to be good people, boy or girl.

[2ppaamm]

Picolo:

Not all MILs are the same la... my MIL doesn't want to stay with us from day 1 even when my husband is the only son. She said, \"More freedom. Can go anywhere whenever I like to.\" Looking back, I feel that she is such a wise mum, wise in the sense that she knew it's hard to have ILs conflicts if we are to stay under one roof. I also value the freedom to run my household the way I/DH like to.


Almost EVERY weekend, my family and families of DH's sisters will still gather at my ILs' place for dinner. The little ones get to play together.

My MIL suffered during her times - she have 5 daughters before having a son.

Why care about what other people think? We can't please everyone. Children are God's gifts, and we have the responsibility to bring them up to be good people, boy or girl.

Wise indeed, but it also takes an understanding DIL like you to appreciate.

BTW, did she help to look after your children or anything?

[angela]

2ppaamm:

Hi Angela,

If you are still in the 2nd trimester and can travel, go take a breather somewhere else.

Also MIL are no big deal lah, they are not the main feature or characters in your life. Your children and hubby are. So what if MIL don't love you? You are already big ma, it is the children who need your love, so focus on them, and not on that MIL of yours. If yours become of somebody one day, she will come knocking, for sure. She will boast to all her friends about the grandchildren by you. So work on that.

Husbands are also like that lah. I prefer to think that he is a good man, he will not bad mouth his mother or his family. My DH will claim he has forgotten everytime I remind him what the ILs do. I used to think he was lying. Now I believe he really forgot the unhappiness. By the same token, you will know that he will never say bad things about you.

Be cheerful, and focus on the baby, read books to him, play some nice music, avoid MIL for now. Work on your kids. That'll be the best revenge.

Hi,

Thanks for your reply.

My mum also told me that. She told me that since my ILs love and put all their attention on their daughter's children, nevermind, we just raised our kids well and smart. So next time, she will know that my kids are all smart and well-behaved.

Actually, after that day cried infront of my mum, I felt really relaxed. I worried that I will affect my baby. I also told my baby that I will try not to think too much, will try to be happy and relaxed.

Luckily, I have my mum to look after my girl. If I dun have my mum to help me, I dunno whether I will go crazy or not. Ha ha ha!

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

I believe a filial son has probably got good values and a kind heart. Very important husband material, leh.

I also think the same. So on that premise, I also go easy on my MIL, at least she inculcates good values and kind heart in her son.

[Picolo]

2ppaamm:

[Wise indeed, but it also takes an understanding DIL like you to appreciate.


BTW, did she help to look after your children or anything?

She lives in the north and I stay in the west, so I prefer to find a baby-sitter living nearby to look after my eldest when my maternity leave was coming to an end. Anyway, she is also the kind who likes to go on holidays a few times yearly, cos her daughters will sponsor her trips! However, she is very supportive lah. She will be there whenever we needs her help. Like, when we went on short overseas trips without my eldest when he was less than 3, or when he was ill or we can't/don't know how to take care of him due to our inexperience, she would come over to look after him without hesitation. When my second was born, I started to have a domestic helper and my mum who lives nearer came over to help me watch over the household matters while I was at work. My MIL took care of me during my 3 confinements. :love:

My MIL is the decisive and straightforward type, very 豪爽, like a 侠女! Well, this is how my sis describes her

[2ppaamm]

Picolo:

She lives in the north and I stay in the west, so I prefer to find a baby-sitter living nearby to look after my eldest when my maternity leave was coming to an end. Anyway, she is also the kind who likes to go on holidays a few times yearly, cos her daughters will sponsor her trips! However, she is very supportive lah. She will be there whenever we needs her help. Like, when we went on short overseas trips without my eldest when he was less than 3, or when he was ill or we can't/don't know how to take care of him due to our inexperience, she would come over to look after him without hesitation. When my second was born, I started to have a domestic helper and my mum who lives nearer came over to help me watch over the household matters while I was at work. My MIL took care of me during my 3 confinements. :love:


My MIL is the decisive and straightforward type, very 豪爽, like a 侠女! Well, this is how my sis describes her

Lucky you!

[Picolo]

2ppaamm:

Lucky you!

Now we have mutual respect for each other. But who knows? If we had to live under the same roof 10 years ago, perhaps things would be different?

[2ppaamm]

Picolo:

2ppaamm:

Lucky you!

Now we have mutual respect for each other. But who knows? If we had to live under the same roof 10 years ago, perhaps things would be different?

Yep, I think that makes a huge difference.