Growing old

[jedamum]

Eagle-Ladybird:

prancingpony:

He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

I think he's a smart man. Once married, wife comes first, ahead of mother unfortunately.

Don't get me wrong. We should always love our parents. But once married, we have to be very clear on our priority/loyalty. A line must be drawn and it must be FIRST to our own family.

My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision. He very pampered by us both. Lol.

[hokkiengirl]

Hi!


I think your son was caught off-guard and just gave a quick answer. I really do think he still does love you very much. Be that as it may, it may be a good idea to plan for old age without factoring living with him. I have 3 boys. I have told them repeatedly that a) I will not live with them and their wives when they grow up (2 women in the same kitchen? Cannot!!!!), b) I am going to be financially independent, c) I will not be giving them handouts (they will be on their own if they want to buy cars, etc). I think we will all be happier like that.

I think that too many people under the same roof can cause a lot of unnecessary conflict, and if there is friction between you and your future dil, it could get really ugly. This is especially if you are living in a small space. If it's a three-storey house and everyone has space to hide and there is domestic help to do all the pesky housework, then maybe you can consider living together. But, really, we should be celebrating our freedom in our silver years, rather than waiting for the kids to come home!

Having said that, I think that it is important that kids give their parents money every month. It's not so much the money. It's to remind our children that they have responsibilities and people 'depending' on them. A number of people I know (in their thirties) don't give money to their parents. Somehow, they tend to fritter their money away more easily and buy rubbish. For the record, for some of them, their parents still pay their bills????

I think that if we, as parents, let go, the children will naturally come back. Peace!

[Augmum]

prancingpony:

I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

This is an interesting discussion....
I ever said to my also One and Only gal, who is 14 now....
\"Next time, when u get married, dad and me will be very lonely.... noone to take care of us.\"
She immed replied, \" i will first tell my future boyfriend or hub to be
that he must stay together with my parents after married,
and for this, i think he could not be an Only child of his family.\"
Happy to hear that but i told her....then she must slowly find one lorr.....

[BeContented]

Augmum:

prancingpony:

I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

This is an interesting discussion....
I ever said to my also One and Only gal, who is 14 now....
\"Next time, when u get married, dad and me will be very lonely.... noone to take care of us.\"
She immed replied, \" i will first tell my future boyfriend or hub to be
that he must stay together with my parents after married,
and for this, i think he could not be an Only child of his family.\"
Happy to hear that but i told her....then she must slowly find one lorr.....

In SG, many families now have only 1-2 kids. Chances of not finding an only child/son looks slim ........

[Imami]

jedamum:

My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision.

Smart, very smart. JedaDad very smart. I have yet to meet someone who does it this way. Most husbands just stay miserably sandwiched between the two impt women. Until I read jedamum's post, I never thought there is another way out. But I shall not teach my hubby! :evil:

[Augmum]

BeContented:

Augmum:

[quote=\"prancingpony\"]I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

This is an interesting discussion....
I ever said to my also One and Only gal, who is 14 now....
\"Next time, when u get married, dad and me will be very lonely.... noone to take care of us.\"
She immed replied, \" i will first tell my future boyfriend or hub to be
that he must stay together with my parents after married,
and for this, i think he could not be an Only child of his family.\"
Happy to hear that but i told her....then she must slowly find one lorr.....

In SG, many families now have only 1-2 kids. Chances of not finding an only child/son looks slim ........ [/quote]Yalor.....i told her that too....
Anyway, she is still young now...
who knows by that time when she has a bf, places of importance in her heart may switch... haha
But am glad and contented that she has such thoughts now....没有白疼....

[Han Seo]

Imami:

jedamum:

My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision.

Smart, very smart. JedaDad very smart. I have yet to meet someone who does it this way. Most husbands just stay miserably sandwiched between the two impt women. Until I read jedamum's post, I never thought there is another way out. But I shall not teach my hubby! :evil:

My husband listens to reason rather than take sides. He knows I'm a straight forward person and cannot keep things in my heart so his only condition to me, when I have to speak my piece to his mum, is this: Criticise the act and not the person.

[Han Seo]

prancingpony:

I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

Sorry if I sound offensive but I think this is emotional blackmail.

Taking care of you does not mean he has to live with you, right?

[kiddo]

Han Seo:

Imami:

[quote=\"jedamum\"]My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision.

Smart, very smart. JedaDad very smart. I have yet to meet someone who does it this way. Most husbands just stay miserably sandwiched between the two impt women. Until I read jedamum's post, I never thought there is another way out. But I shall not teach my hubby! :evil:

My husband listens to reason rather than take sides. He knows I'm a straight forward person and cannot keep things in my heart so his only condition to me, when I have to speak my piece to his mum, is this: Criticise the act and not the person.[/quote]Now that you gals have shared I am not alone
alway feel sore hubby side his Mum,
Hubby say Mum only one
Wifey can find a lot ............ :mad: :rotflmao:

[marvic]

Imami:

jedamum:

My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision.

Smart, very smart. JedaDad very smart. I have yet to meet someone who does it this way. Most husbands just stay miserably sandwiched between the two impt women. Until I read jedamum's post, I never thought there is another way out. But I shall not teach my hubby! :evil:

Smart or bo chap ?

Anyway, I once heard something like: Our kids are our mirror image. They follow what we do.

Also, when our children get married, they will and should have their own family focus. As parents if we \"force\" ourselves into their world, it is not only unfair for our kids but also detrimental to their life development. It is hard to accept emotionally, as I also love my kids very much. But this is fact of life... Let's 顺其自然。