桃花谈

[cmm]

Insider jie, thank you for thanking the time to write these long meaningful posts. I enjoy reading every one and have benefited much from them, though I do not believe in fortune telling.


One of the things I learnt from you is to wait for the solution to problems. I used to think that if I do not yet have the solution to the problems I am facing, it means I've not tried hard enough. I would worry & lose sleep :nosebleed: till I get a solution.

Another is what you call the 无明, which I call teachability. It is so true that sometimes, what is so obvious to others is not evident to the people involved 旁观者清，当局者迷。So during these times we need to have a 'pre-appointed' person (what u call leader) to be our mentor to guide us during these periods of 'blindness'. A lighthouse.

I will also strive to increase the positive vibes in the family. With three young children who are frequently fighting, quarreling, complaining about each other, this is not easy :imdrowning:

Your sister is very blessed to have you to 调节 the strained relationship she has with her daughter. :hugs:

[vinegar]

i used to get upset when others able to see my views but only DH doesn’t.


after reading ur post,i learn to take his disagreement positively.

Learn to change myself n lead by example.Learn to live "now" than worrying less for future n ponder over the past.

thanks!

[dasalo]

得饶人处且饶人


Live and Let Live

[Kafer]

Hi insider, fr yr post I learn to give my best to my parents. There was an arguement between my hb and my mum n bro and it caused a really strain relationship between me and my mum n bro. My bro has talked to me for years.


I also learn not to give negative ion to my ds. Cos he is the dreamy type and I tend to be very negative in my conversation with him. Now when I talk to hin, I will try to be more persuasive and caring.

[limlim]

what I learn from this thread ar......


Thread title is \"桃花谈\", did mention what is \"桃花\" but actual story got no \"桃花\" element in action...... :evil:

okie.. I guess I'm on the wrong frequency from the others..

Just drop by to ssrr.. :evil:

[dasalo]

limlim:

what I learn from this thread ar......


Thread title is \"桃花谈\", did mention what is \"桃花\" but actual story got no \"桃花\" element in action...... :evil:

okie.. I guess I'm on the wrong frequency from the others..

Just drop by to ssrr.. :evil:

Haha...limlim, you jump into the wrong pot. This one has no steam. :rotflmao:

[concern2]

Hi Insider, your thread is very therapeutic!

[Jennifer]

1. I have an issue with my younger boy.


Each day, I try my best to trim my temper bit by bit.

Many times my efforts are "derailed". In such situations, I cant help complaining why I am the one doing the giving. It takes 2 hands to clap and it is very tiring to be the one at the end of receiving shit all the time.

Though I now understand each child is born with different degrees of wisdom, I really wish I can have some help to clear the clouds in my younger boy.

2. I now do not live with my in-laws. We used to go to in-laws’ place for meals during the weekends and have cut down the visit to once a week (at my insistence) after the birth of my sis-in-law’s son last year.

My in-laws are > 70 years old and are still very mobile. Frankly speaking, i dread the day we hv to move back to stay with them becos our habits and beliefs are very different.

I know they love the grandchildren. What I cant understand is their previous strict and no nonsense ways of child upbringing are not applied on the grandchildren. In particular, MIL’s indulgence lead to my unhappiness with her and make me feel like I must act as the bad guy in the family to held my children in order. At every visit, I will end up scolding my younger boy.

3. I have an issue with the relationship between my elder boy and my younger boy.

I admit I have failed as a mother in managing siblings rivalry. My elder boy whom I believe is blessed with more wisdom cant accept the childishness of the younger brother.

4. I believe all of the above is not healthy for my relationship with hubby athough he has not said anything yet.

5. I believe all of the above can be changed. All I need to do is to change myself.

BUT the issue is how to manage myself that I become someone who can put down. There is another "burden" in my life - my inability to forgive.

PS. I like this saying
要做不要怨、要怨不要做.

If 要做又要怨 = will achieve even lesser than 干脆不要做…

[BeContented]

Since years ago, I have already observed people close to me & realised there is some truth in 相由心生. Tho I do try to control my quick temper, I still fail & tend to flare up easily.


Have been reading this thread & was trying to be more aware. Just yesterday, I had an little argument with my hubby on the way to a gathering (kids were at the back seat).
As usual I got angry & started to frown & sulk. Then I remember your posts & reminded myself to let go. I started struggling with trying to release my frown & smile instead of sulk.....gosh, my facial muscles nearly cramped!!! my face probably look distorted & comical. End up I broke into laughter to the surprise & amusement of my family. :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Looks like I still have a loooooonnnnngggg way to go

[HyperKiasu]

BeContented:

I started struggling with trying to release my frown & smile instead of sulk.....gosh, my facial muscles nearly cramped!!! my face probably look distorted & comical. End up I broke into laughter to the surprise & amusement of my family. :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

this is a good start.....

知足常乐,
难得糊涂,
难得糊涂....... :celebrate: