桃花谈

[cherryblossoms]

Hi Insider, yes with my nick, it does look like your topic is talking back to you.

I've been reading all the pages on the sidelines and I want to thank you for your generousity in sharing your knowledge and I have benefitted it greatly.

I'm usually quick tempered especially when it comes to my children and husband. I catch myself and try to take a step back, sometimes successful, sometimes not. But that is already some battles avoided. So thank you once again, and I hope to become a better person in life. :thankyou:

[Giggler1]

Hi concern2, I just received a sms from dd "I hate you".


I got so mad that I crawled out of my bed and scolded her.

What should I do to make her stop sending such messages?

[Mawar]

Giggler1:

Hi concern2, I just received a sms from dd \"I hate you\".


I got so mad that I crawled out of my bed and scolded her.

What should I do to make her stop sending such messages?

Oh dear. Your DD is trying to communicate with you. Find a conducive time when both of you are not angry to talk. Tell her that her messages make you sad, hurt and angry. Acknowledge that she is angry too. Find out what and where went wrong. Ask her what would make her feel better. Apologize for your shortcomings. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you care and love her.

[concern2]

Giggler1:

Hi concern2, I just received a sms from dd \"I hate you\".


I got so mad that I crawled out of my bed and scolded her.

What should I do to make her stop sending such messages?

Oh dear, now I've become an expert to deal with \"I hate You\" situations? Ok, just kidding.

I guess the first thing is to understand what triggered it and to keep your cool.
Kids telling you that they hate you is better than them not telling you anything at all. It is a chance for you to do something about it, to clarify why you did something/ to decide on something which might be against their will, and to reestablish the bond between parent and child. Perhaps she doesn't feel good about something and couldn't fall asleep, and there is an urging need to want to re-establish her bond, yet don't know how to express it.

Does she always tell you via sms ? It is interesting cos my girl doesn't have access to mobile phone yet, (hence she drops me notes) but if she does have one, my instinct would be to reply her back in the medium which she chooses to communicate - via sms, and ask her \"Why?\" instead of charging back at her physically, making subsequent reconciliation even more unlikely. For all you know, it could be a simple thing like \"you haven't been kissing me goodnight like you used to!\"

Hope this helps..

[Giggler1]

Sigh… guessed my first instinct was to charge at her physically.


This morning, I replied her sms, telling her that "Hate" is a bad word to use and she should tell me her feeling eg upset, angry, not happy, etc. Now waiting for her reply.

[Mawar]

Giggler1:

Sigh... guessed my first instinct was to charge at her physically.


This morning, I replied her sms, telling her that \"Hate\" is a bad word to use and she should tell me her feeling eg upset, angry, not happy, etc. Now waiting for her reply.

At least she is still communicating. She wants you to know she is hurting. My worst fear is when they shut us out.

[Funz]

Giggler1:

Hi concern2, I just received a sms from dd \"I hate you\".


I got so mad that I crawled out of my bed and scolded her.

What should I do to make her stop sending such messages?

:hugs: Must be really painful to be getting such smses from your own kid.

You wrote 'messages' meaning she has been doing this pretty often? Do you know what triggered such messages? How old is your DD by the way?

As for this recent incident, try to reach out to her. If her choice of medium is sms, reply her in smses to start with. Since you have already reacted, you may want to try to sms to her. Let her know that her sms hurts you deeply, that you reacted badly to her sms and you want to apologise for that. Let her know also that even though she may think she hates you, you still love her a lot. If she is ready to talk, you want to know how to make things better.

[Giggler1]

Yeah! She replied \"Ok I will change and I am sorry about yesterday \"


Now I feel like flying home to give her hugs and kisses!!!

[concern2]

Giggler1:

Yeah! She replied \"Ok I will change and I am sorry about yesterday \"


Now I feel like flying home to give her hugs and kisses!!!

:love:

[limlim]

Giggler1:

Hi concern2, I just received a sms from dd \"I hate you\".


I got so mad that I crawled out of my bed and scolded her.

What should I do to make her stop sending such messages?

Make her love you? :evil:

Getting mad instead of getting sad.... this a bad sign.....