桃花谈
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insider:
Another pretty lady also ill luck fate in love is famous singer Theresa Teng who died young, early 40s.
In my ‘imagination’, you should be someone who looks like 张曼玉. Not exactly pretty, with high cheekbones, sharper face, fair, and slim. Someone with 气质 (got 气质 is more attractive than being mere pretty). Usually this kind of ‘face’ = can’t marry well or becomes someone’s mistress = typical of a 红颜薄命 case. -
Mummy X - Part 5
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Given the limited info that I have, I can see:
- the bad seed was planted by your mum and your dad. Though you didn’t say much about your dad other than he was abusive to your mum, I ‘guess’ that your relationship with your dad is poor. Perhaps, he is no longer around. (if you can, write to me something about your relationship with your dad and whether he is still around).
- when your mum kept reminding you to try to marry only a ‘gentle’ man, a quality that your dad doesn’t seem to have, she had indirectly planted in you what a ‘non-gentle’ man will be like (anyway, you had first hand knowledge of what a such person will be like by looking at your dad). In your mind, perhaps you were DETERMINED not to marry someone like him.
- so you went on to try to get a ‘gentle’ man and indeed you got yourself one, which is the husband when you first knew him as someone ‘gentle’. You thought that you had successfully got away from the ill fate of marrying someone like your dad.
- your husband seemed to be quite OK when you first knew him. What I can see is that he was ‘summoned’ to you by one of your activated seeds. He managed to mask himself as a ‘gentle’ man coz your ‘aura’ ‘taught/told’ him to behave so.
- as you cannot accept your dad as who he is or perhaps even ever tries to understand him and accept him as what he is, you might have chosen the ‘escape’ route to run to any man available at that time. Anyone perhaps is better than your dad. Your mum had failed in this sense to resolve her relationship with your dad and therefore in a way, you suffer (I am not blaming your mum here as she is likely to have a large patch of 无明 which is not really her fault). Without good 慧根 yourself and coupled with your mum feeding on more 无明 into you, you mistook the 烂桃花 as your 真命天子. (remark: the right thing for your mum to do is to tell you that whatever sufferings she has with your dad is her problems between the two of them. She should not feed you with any fears of marrying someone like your dad directly or indirectly coz that will constitute sowing bad seeds).
- as your husband appeared to be ‘gentle’, probably if compared to your dad, you decided on him though there was a certain part in you still could sense that he is not the right guy (when you regretted on your wedding day). You are not totally ‘blind’ in that sense but just like my friend Z, both of you are not strong enough.
- then you married and your husband is sort of impotent. The ‘seed’ of when someone marries another one is impotent if don’t base on science, is that this someone is either highly sex or find sex highly disgusting. This extreme sexual desire is a seed that can turn the other party into the ‘non-functioning mode’ or attracts someone with such a ‘mode’. For example, if someone carries a negative seed of having unsatisfying sexual life, then she will attract someone who will give her negative sexual life. If you are highly sex but you don’t have the 福分 to have a quality sexual life, there you will meet a husband like yours. If you find sex highly disgusting, then your such ‘seed’ will activate your husband’s seed and thereby causing him to be impotent. For this part, you hv to analyse your own sexual drive coz the fault may not really lie with him. Reflect on your own sexual development journey from young and what kind of imprints you have had during your growing up years. You have to resolve this else you may not have any satisfying sexual experiences in your life at all (which is quite a ‘waste’).
- gradually this man turns into someone like your dad and you resume kind of like your mum’s position which seems like the history is repeating itself. (really I am sighing…)
To be continued…
PS: On second thought, I think Mummy X doesn’t look that attractive but her husband is good looking… (for my friend Z’s case, her husband is the rich but not-good-looking one and she’s the pretty one). Usually there’s a ‘balance’ somewhere coz God most of the time is very fair…(actually it’s no good to be rich and good looking and ideally should only carry one of these traits). -
Mummy X - Part 6
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- Your husband begins to ‘evolve’ into the person whom in your subconsciousness that you dislike coz Seedling Theory always has it that you will keep meeting the kind of person whom you dislike until you can 'forgive' or 'accept' that person.
- Neverthesless, he ‘compensates’ this ‘irritation’ with activating your positive seeds pertaining to money (but you seem to be very into Fengshui and so all these ‘activations’ can be a result of your 风水阵. The Fengshui that you activated in your house ‘masked’ the natural energy flow to allow things to be ‘seen’ more clearly.
- Since you are into fengshui, I suspect your Master/s have arranged the items more to your benefits than to his benefits = your good seeds are activated maybe to his detriment; meaning you are taking ‘advantage’ of good money flow at his expense.
- Your rising Qi can be at his expense of declining Qi – you grow stronger and he grows weaker, resulting in the distance between the both of you getting further. So basically, you are ‘sucking’ his Qi in a way.
- The best thing is to do is to appreciate and accept him for ‘damning’ himself to make you accomplished. This is highly difficult to do as you detest him so much and your child too.
- If you cannot bring yourself you accept him (by treating him in a 心平气和 manner) but have to everyday like living in land mines together with your child, then you may to accept that you FAIL the test and to consider divorce (when you ‘fail’ the test, it means someone similar will come again to test you, until you ‘pass’ the test. You can only avoid or soften the suffering of a ‘re-test’ if you do good deeds. It is the same like my mum ‘passed’ her test with my drug addict brother when she suffered for about 30 years for his drug addiction behaviours; when she 不离不弃 、无怨无悔, standing besides him no matter what kind of nonsense my brother did when he was in the ‘high’ mood until the day he was saved by God’s grace and turned into a new leaf. I witnessed this ‘remarkable’ journey of my mum, knowing first hand what it means by ‘suffering’ and ‘accepting’ ‘fate’ unconditionally).
- Now if you want to divorce, first you need to know the biggest 魔 in you is the money. This item brings you A LOT of 无明 as you seem can’t see that it brings you more pain than joy. If you were to refer to my post on Pg 57 (10.28 am):insider:
You need to think calmly and objectively to form a GUIDING PRINCIPLE. For me, that GUIDING PRINCIPLE should be to have a happy life yourself and your son can be ‘redeemed’ from all those terrible bad seeds that both you and your husband have been planted into him (remark: your son should have been badly ‘seeded’ by now and these seeds if you don’t try to do something will mature into tumour next time).Need to 看透 荣华富贵 = nothing, then can 随遇而安 = can ‘hahaha’ in most part of life. People like me if I were to be put to live in the mud I also will find ways to be happy…
.
- If the Guiding Principle is Happy Life but Money can’t really bring you happiness, so you have to let go of your money. You should not be worried about after the divorce, your career and money will go downhill. If they really have to go downhill, then so be it. You have to bite the bullet if you have to take those ‘suppressed’ bad seeds that may mature after your divorce (remark: suppressed by Fengshui) coz those bad seeds will mature sooner or later anyway. Now if they mature maybe better than they maturing when you are at your older age. You have to form a Guiding Principle then to achieve this within your means at all cost coz to be a Guiding Principle = the most important thing = other things are not as important and can be foregone.
- Go inform your child about your intention to get a divorce (not seeking his advice but is a ‘notice) and ask him for his opinions of how you should go ahead. Listen to what he has to say. Share with him that you and daddy really cannot get along even though last time you did love him very much. Explain to him as clearly as possible your emotions of changes happened in you and in him and it’s nobody’s fault but a mere case of irreconcilable differences. Ask for his understanding. You maybe surprised that he may have the strength to ‘console’ you and give you strength. Nowadays kiddos are stronger and more intelligent than what we think they are capable of.
- One of your biggest weaknesses is you dare not let others know about your weaknesses. Somehow, you pretend to be strong when you are actually not. It’s really no shame to display weaknesses, esp in front of our loved ones. The same as our loved ones can display their weaknesses in front of us and we will not laugh at / mock them. This ‘pride’ is never necessary. We help each other at moments of weaknesses or how else we can conjure / make use of the power of 仁 in us. Do not deprive others from helping you. Do not keep having this negative thought that others will laugh at you coz those are really your unnecessary 无明 that let you bear the sorrows and suffers alone for so long.
- After talking to your kid, talk to your husband calmly about your decision of a divorce (again, here is a ‘notice’ and not a ‘choice’). He may or may not agree. Pls NEVER raise your voice in the discussion. Tell him the same thing that you feel it harms the kid if everyone were to stay together and therefore you want out. Tell him you appreciate him for giving you the wonderful child and you hope that the child can continue to grow emotionally in a healthier way for the good for everyone. The crux of the whole discussion will be for the benefit of your child (which is not a lie). Offer him about 20% of your assets (don’t be ‘stingy’) and let him ‘bargain’ to about 30% (or even 40%).
- If giving him 30% of your assets can bring you peacefulness and perhaps happiness, it’s the BEST VALUE FOR MONEY THING that you'll ever spend. Just pay and probably you will make back more.
- Overall, you must acknowledge that though this man seems ‘useless’, he gave you a child and probably let you ‘suck’ his Qi to be how much financially you worth today. You may not be able to see it, but he is the ‘indirect’ contributor of your wealth. So, you have to ‘thank’ him, and I mean sincerely thanking him.
- You don’t seem to have a very good 仁 in you which I foresee will be the problem when you are with him in the ‘negotiation’ table. When you lack of 仁, the other party will not surrender himself to you coz you lack ‘sincerity’. So, I am not sure how successful you will be when discussing with him. Nevertheless, at least you show him how much you are willing to give him and in a way, hopefully he will appreciate and walk away to start his new life.
- I have a hunch if he can walk away, he will be happily remarried coz his energy will not be sucked away anymore and he is able to be himself again. God knows he will recover from his ‘impotence’. He requires this 慧根 to accept your ‘proposal’ and to part amicably. Only if you can really think through to know how much he has also suffered while with you and thank him sincerely then the 仁 part of you will shine and his 慧根 will be lightened to accept it and walk away.
- So you can save your breath of talking to him until the day that you are parting with 30% of your assets WILLINGLY and not grudgingly. If you still 不舍得 that 30%, then you still cannot talk coz it’s unlikely to bring you anywhere and maybe matter may go worst. There's simply no way that you 不肯舍 but you want to 得. It simple cannot 'balance'...
- The ball is in your court coz the mind is yours to ponder about how much your peacefulness and happiness really worth. Money is really nothing if it cannot bring happiness. Your main blind spot is really Money, the 荣华富贵, which is similar to my friend Z. So what driving a Porche and living in a Glass Tower (her bungalow is really a glass tower) with the soul imprisoned? You ladies are really capable to have more fulfilling lives than that even with a much reduction of such wealthy comfort…
To be continued….
PS:
I just returned from a 'negotiation table'.
I have two close friends, quit their jobs years ago and joint ventured a small business.
Three years down the road, the business was not doing well and can only survive if one of them quit the common company (each of them drawing $5000 salary per month and the monthly profit was only sufficient to sustain one salary and not two salaries).
So Friend A resigned as a Director of the company and worked outside while Friend B continues to run the business.
Legally speaking, B is supposed to buy over the shares of A at about $60,000 but she claimed company has not been making and since A chose to walk out and left the 烂摊子 to her, she would not want to pay.
Each has her own version of story to tell and both are upset with each other and this thing has been dragging on for about a year.
So, I acted as a middleman lor, with both agreed to settle the amount at $30,000 with B paying A in 24 months installments. Two of them parted amicably and APPRECIATIVELY of each other, and we will be meeting again for the next birthday party.
These two are not 'poor' people and I don't understand how come can because of $60,000 and don't speak to each other nicely for about a year...(I always think our friendship worth much more than that!!!) -
insider,
u r right.The man we chose to marry somehow influence by our parents n also ex-bf?
no matter how nice my ex-bf treated me(really VERY nice)for years,i’ve to give him up coz he reminds me of my father–too generous until no savings.I witness how my mum struggled to keep the family,financially.
I do not wanna history repeats on me.Thus,I made a quick U-turn n married my DH despite only knew him for few mths.I nvr regret despite we’ve occasional disagreement. -
vinegar:
My person observations:insider,
u r right.The man we chose to marry somehow influence by our parents n also ex-bf?
no matter how nice my ex-bf treated me(really VERY nice)for years,i've to give him up coz he reminds me of my father--too generous until no savings.I witness how my mum struggled to keep the family,financially.
I do not wanna history repeats on me.Thus,I made a quick U-turn n married my DH despite only knew him for few mths.I nvr regret despite we've occasional disagreement.
The spouse whom one marries will mirror his / her parents to a large extent if that person bears grudges against the parent of the opposite gender; meaning if a son hates his dominant/naggy mum, he is likely to marry a dominant/naggy wife, and if a daughter hates her womanising dad, she is likely to marry a man who womaniser.
There seems to be no escape from this as long as the 'grudge' seed is there...
The eerie part of my observations is such that the spouse, though initially married seems nothing like the parent whom the person bears grudges against (physical violence, gambling, womaniser, etc), but sooner or later will start to show the grudging traits.
I attribute this to whatever 'test' one fails, one has to retake it over and over again til he/she passes...
So always have to 放下 any grudge against our parents to stop this vicious cycle (coz it affects our own children's future choice of spouses as well...)
Generally speaking, one's son is likely to marry someone like his mum and one's daughter is likely to marry someone like her dad, and so all of us better be good so that our kiddos have a higher chance of marrying someone 'good'...
Take for example a person marries someone as hot temper as his mother. This daughter-in-law 'tortures' the son and the mum grumbles and fights with the daughter in law. This mum actually has to know she is the 'creator' of such choice and if she is wise enough, tries to change herself so that her daughter-in-law will have a chance of changing for his son to have a better life. Else, two women just keep fighting and then cycle repeats...
桃花 and 因缘 are very 'mischievous' things.
Havent you heard of 不是冤家不聚头？ -
This \"u marry who don't want\" does not affect everyone ba? :? No matter how I see, I just can't see the similarity between my mil and me. Unless, my husband hasnt \"activate that seed\" in me?! :yikes:
By the same token, no matter how I see, I can't imagine my husband turn into a man like my father
:nailbite: 
-
Imami:
The crux lies on two factors:This \"u marry who don't want\" does not affect everyone ba? :? No matter how I see, I just can't see the similarity between my mil and me. Unless, my husband hasnt \"activate that seed\" in me?! :yikes:
By the same token, no matter how I see, I can't imagine my husband turn into a man like my father :nailbite:
1. how much 慧根 you were born with. If you were born with minimal, then you will get more of the 恶作剧 of destiny
and / or
2. whether your husband bears a grudge against his mother or you bear a grudge against your dad. If there is such a grudge, the deeper it is, the more it will attract spouse of similar traits with such traits to be shown can be 10 - 20 years later after marriage.
I have seen many many such cases, that a spouse suddenly 'transforms' into sort of a 'stranger' years after into a marriage; esp in the area of suddenly spouse turning into a gambling addict when he / she doesn't like to gamble at all all through his / her life until a particular 'moment' (when seed is activated). How many times have you heard of people saying, \"看不出原来他是这么样的一个人。\"？
That's why I always advise a husband or wife to try to 忍 when the spouse suddenly goes astray beyond 'reasons' and try to salvage if possible instead of simply walk off because of an EMA or other addiction. It is only when things really cannot be salvaged then can really consider a divorce.
When a bad seed is being activated, one has to bite tongue and try to analyse and then accept and then all to move on coz there will be subsequent seeds, hopefully good ones, to mature after the bad seed matured to cushion the hurts and other impact...
I think you are quite 'safe' Imami, coz your relationship with your in-laws are quite good and I hope your husband's relationship with your parents are not bad too... -
Does it mean if the daughter or son resolve whatever grudge with father or mother respectively, even after they are married, their spouse will "return to normal" after the resolution?
If the son has a grudge with his father does that mean the son’s son will bear similar traits as his grandfather ? -
SAHM_TAN:
Does it mean if the daughter or son resolve whatever grudge with father or mother respectively, even after they are married, their spouse will \"return to normal\" after the resolution?
If the son has a grudge with his father does that mean the son's son will bear similar traits as his grandfather ?
Yes.
All grudges against our own immediate parents need to be resolved in order for us not to keep having to meet the same 'type' over and over again.
Sometimes, the seed may not happen in a spouse but it will happen in one of the children.
Grudges are really potential negative energy that it will have to find a way via the spouse or child to 'explode'...
The moment that someone manages to resolve the grudge = the moment they can see changes in themselves (positive energy) with such positive energy rubs on his / her spouse or child, and all will get to see better days ahead... -
insider:
wah heng ar
I think you are quite 'safe' Imami, coz your relationship with your in-laws are quite good and I hope your husband's relationship with your parents are not bad too... :rotflmao: so bad of me oops.
Actually my relationship with my in laws were not always good. In fact some years were quite bad but since having confrontational situations would be a lose-lose situation (I need to \"fight\" my mil, fil and sil and her husband, 4 against 1 boh hua.) I try to stay away.
It was only around these two years then improved a lot. Improved partly becos I initiate, partly becos mil accepts, partly becos mil and her children had some unhappiness, so I was a welcome spare tyre
old folks are like that la, got people care a bit then happy Liao.
Husband's family is a closely knitted one. Even right up to 20+ year old, the family would sit together and watch tv and talk about the tv programme every night. How many such families around? Despite this, I know husband dislike certain traits about eachof his family members but I dont think they amount to \"grudges\".
My mil is one of a pair of identical twins from china. They were given away becos the biological family was very poor. her sister was left in china and lost contact. She followed her adopted family to come to sg. In her adopted family, she was Ill treated by her elder sister (adopted family's biological daughter) and was treated like a maid by this sister. Mil was barely 12 but had to be like a surrogate mum to this sister's 6 children. The elder 4 were like younger siblings to mil and the youngest 2 were like babies mil brought up.
When she married my fil, they lived with fil's siblings and families. Something like that - fil and his family lived with his parents. Fils siblings and their families also live with fils parents. Very big family. Mil said as fil is the youngest, she very \"no status\" in the whole family.
Perhaps due to her hard childhood/early life, she is a bit weird. Typically she doesn't take care of her health - she would keep leftovers and eat them over several meals (this is despite a daughter who works in hospital as a lab professional leh!) or drink this morning's coffee at 9pm ( 多伤胃啊）。but or, she also can be considered take quite good care of herself - sil ever complained that mil spent the entire month's allowance (given by sil $400) on a top from OG dept store. :slapshead:
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