桃花谈
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Mummy X – Final Part
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Mummy X, you know yourself that you are not very stable, in a sense from what I analysed, you feel highly insecured (worry about losing your wealth, worry about people laughing at you, worry about your child will not have a father, etc). It makes me ‘wonder’ the little fortune that you have made is more from ‘luck’ than from your actual capabilities (pardon my straight forwardness).
Fortune that is made from ‘luck’ usually cannot be sustained over the long term coz luck will run out one day but fortune that is made from actual capabilities will be the more lasting one coz this capable someone will live well even when lucky is not really around and will live even better when luck visits.
So, you have to analyse yourself whether your fortune comes from luck or comes from your actual capabilities. The best is you are making your fortune through both of these. But if you assess your money is made via more on luck, then you have to go for upgrading to strengthen your ‘substance’. Any money and time spent on upgrading will return itself one day in multiple folds and so just do it if you need it.
I do not know why are so unsettled when you are actually so successful (come on, how many of us can make a few hundred thousands per year?). I still cannot really pinpoint the probable reasons of your this feeling of high insecurity.
If you manage to get a divorce, please do not rush into another relationship so fast coz I really don’t see a good probability of much good can come out of it. Recompose yourself (via professional upgrading) and deeper reflection of your life journey first before you even want to consider any other man (no matter who appears in front of you to tempt you).
Also settle your child as one of the top priorities. He is supposed to maintain an as cordial relationship with his dad as possible. Do not bad mouth your husband in front of him please. It is really just a case of incompatibility right now. An Ah Beng can live happily with an Ah Lian and with an Ah Lian, he will be a perfectly fine person. Your high flier lifestyle should not make your husband like ‘smaller’ than you coz he has his own lifestyle too. So just don’t belittled him in front of your child. Demonstrate to your child how to part amicably.
As long as you can 放下 your Money, all should be fine…
Best wishes…
PS: I really don’t think you should go into further fortune telling or into further fenghsui advice. Everyone of us really have the strength inside to make right decision instead of having to depend all these supernatural advice. For once, perhaps you want to think and decide for yourself and bear the full consequences squarely instead of still trying to ‘suppress’ any bad seeds from maturing via supernatural advice. Come what may. Be braver. The sky really will not fall… -
Imami:
Imami, your MIL has been through a lot in life.[
Perhaps due to her hard childhood/early life, she is a bit weird.
Try to be nice to her lah.
We are all women and 忍让 is something that we should do to let these poor women to have their last leg of life journeys go through more smoothly...
你可以的。加油！ -
Just received a call from my overseas friend.
Her brother, aged 40, wants to divorce his wife.
Her sister-in-law has some hereditary heart condition but she is VERY PRETTY.
Brother married her and of course had promised to take care of her for life.
Her sis-in-law medical condition = she cannot bear child. So the brother adopted a baby girl who is now about 9 years old.
Then brother broke the news to my friend that outside his family, he also has another woman with a daughter oredi two years old. Now this second family is in Beijing.
This Beijing woman demands ‘status’ and now brother HAS DECIDED to divorce his wife so that he can fetch the second family to Singapore to re-start a family.
Friend asked me how?
I said now 无明 must have swept her brother completely off his feet = talk also no use. If really want to divorce, just make sure that he gives his wife the share of his assets fairly and pays his monthly maintenance to them promptly (the sis-in-law is a SAHM).
I further advised my friend not to help in any way if his brother needs any financial help. Though now her brother is doing financially very well (always can hear he buying what Black Oyster Rolex, etc kind of ‘toys’ to ‘play’), he is likely to start to see decline after he doing this 抛妻弃女 stunt (有多风流就会有多‘折堕’).
The wife better be strong enough to live on happily with the big sum of money that she can take, else if she were to die of heart failure, then her brother will be badly cursed and his whatever is likely to turn worst. (really no point to be so sad if a man chooses to leave. Just squeeze him dry if can and then always attempt to live happier than him. Too bad I cannot show face to help her to ‘rob’ her husband to the max).
Am thinking about the destiny of that adopted daughter. This little girl seems like 福分浅薄. So far I know she has been raised like a princess with all sorts of i-gadgets and fanciful toys showered onto her since young, but now have to face this 变天 disaster if her parents cannot handle the divorce properly… (if her mum dies, her custody will be returned to her dad and imagine she has to stay with a ‘new’ step-mother from China with a step-sister. What kind of trauma it can be…)
PS1:
I told my friend to advise her brother to give his wife the max that he can. This wife is likely to remain single. So one day if the China woman cons him empty, maybe he still can return to his ex-wife and to carry on from there…
PS2:
Really all these real life stories about China women I have heard SO MANY. Why some men are so silly leh? Really 劫数难逃？？？？ -
My this overseas friend has very interesting family background.
Her dad used to be a sailor.
Her dad has a wife in Malaysia (big wife), one in Hong Kong (second wife), and one and Singapore (third wife).
Three families with three sets of kids.
My friend was born in Malaysia, raised in Singapore (after her mum passed on in Malaysia), and then now live in Hong Kong. We were coursemates in our uni.
Her brother is a half brother belongs to the 3rd wife in Singapore. They are closer coz both raised under the third wife. These kids seldom see their father when they were young coz the father sailing around.
So now this brother is a bit like repeating his father’s life, something which I believe when he was young, he highly detested, commuting between Singapore and China to tend to the two families with his kids cant really have good bonding with him…
He told my friend about his second family coz he doesn’t know how to break the news to his old aged parents as he knows the news will break their hearts coz his wife is a very good daughter-in-law who has been taking good care of his parents… -
insider:
Could it be that the wife is destined from past life 因果 to remain single and have no own child and now 缘已尽 with the husband? 2nd wife may be the real wife and may have a good relationship with the husband or bring good fortune, like the father with 3 wives but their children are raised together and live cordially? Or this husband really owed a lot of 情债 in past life? What is the main difference between a China woman third party and a Singapore one? I pondered over similar questions before but no answer.
PS1:
I told my friend to advise her brother to give his wife the max that he can. This wife is likely to remain single. So one day if the China woman cons him empty, maybe he still can return to his ex-wife and to carry on from there…
PS2:
Really all these real life stories about China women I have heard SO MANY. Why some men are so silly leh? Really 劫数难逃？？？？
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to err is human…
However, I feel that no matter what, a man should return to his wife. I detest those man who divorce their wife to be with another woman… -
sinoboy:
insider:
Could it be that the wife is destined from past life 因果 to remain single and have no own child and now 缘已尽 with the husband? 2nd wife may be the real wife and may have a good relationship with the husband or bring good fortune, like the father with 3 wives but their children are raised together and live cordially? Or this husband really owed a lot of 情债 in past life? What is the main difference between a China woman third party and a Singapore one? I pondered over similar questions before but no answer.
We have to make decision based on our moral conscience at all times coz this will again will feed into the 因 and 果.
My friend's dad got 3 wives
1. first wife died (could be due to lack of care or heartbroken or whatever),
2. second wife didn't live long either and think about 6 kids in Hong Kong, not close to their father,
3. third wife in Singapore - this one is the more 'permanent' one who took care of her own son and my friend when they were younger. This half-brother has the 'luck' to see his dad more frequently than the rest though still not as frequent since the dad was most of the time sailing (supposedly away from families and be 'alone').
My friend is a very filial daughter while her other half-siblings are not so as far as I know, with most of them bearing grudges against their dad for being so 'flower heart'.
Base on 'common sense' and 'moral conscience', the brother is wrong to 'discard' his wife who seems to have done nothing wrong to deserve this kind of consequences.
To be a husband and wife supposed to be a life time commitment that even when there are differences between them, they have to learn to change self to accomodate each other. In fact, that's one of main purposes of a marriage, that we marry someone who is definitely not an identical piece of ourselves so that we can learn to be a better person over the long run - this is THE TEST.
It can really be 缘已尽, but the defaulting party will incur bad seeds when the wife gets hurt, child gets hurt, and parents get hurt. There's no way the defaulting party can run away from this bad karma. Even if we take it that these people owe him some debts in their previous lives and so in this life he is supposed to come and 'get even' with them, if in this life he can be enlightened and choose not to hurt them, then he will not suffer 'revenge' in his next life.
Basically these 'seeds' keep flowing until one can wake up to break the vicious cycle of 冤冤相报.
The presence of many unethical China women has sort of 'disrupted' the Qi here with many men got conned. 烂桃花满天飞 - men face higher probability of kena caught nowadays. Other than those with inherent 'seeding' problems, other families that are filled with negative Qi with parent-parent and/or parent-child engaging with frequent quarelling will allow these 烂桃花s to come in quite easily. 烂桃花s know how to 'attack' the 'right' person coz they are basically being 'summoned' by the person with the necessary negative Qi / aura...
Well, I shall wait to see what this Beijing woman will do to his life. Honestly speaking, I yet to see anyone who threw away own 槽糠之妻 and then married a China 小三 will end up with any 好下场......
PS:
Concept of 冤冤相报:
To take my mum and my drug addict brother as an example.
My mum must have owed my brother some debts in her previous life. So my brother came to collect his due.
My brother destroyed / tortured himself for about 30 years, breaking my mum's heart so badly during the process.
My mum accepted him unconditionally and my brother turned into a new leaf = the two of them seemed to have settled their score.
My brother, however, would have incurred some bad seeds by hurting his own mother so much even though he was entitled to collect his due. If he was wise enough, he would have 'waived off' his past debt, forgiven my mum, and thereby freeing himself from further 因果. But he didn't, he insisted in 讨债 which is not the best thing to do.
However, he maybe saved by my mum's constant blessings on him. My mum NEVER stops giving him her full blessings. My mum holds ZERO grudges against the pains that he had inflicted on her for about 30 years.
My brother will be further saved by his own ultra filial behaviour towards my mum (whenever he sees my mum, he will always give my mum very good massage that can last up to 2 hours). He is sowing very good seeds for himself by all the filial acts that he will do for my mum. With this, he gains the respect of all his other 5 siblings and we all also giving him our full blessings (and never mind that he ever molested me quite badly when I was young. I bear ZERO grudge against him for this coz grudge is bad for both parties. See, I don't need to let him carry the bad seed so that next life maybe I can... molest him back? It's just absolutely not necessary.).
Well, hopefully my mum and my brother's 'accounts' can be settled in this life... -
insider:
Orh 知道 . I also have a mother and I am also a mother. How can I see other mothers feeling sad without 反应？
Imami, your MIL has been through a lot in life.Imami:
Perhaps due to her hard childhood/early life, she is a bit weird.
Try to be nice to her lah. -
limlim:
Of cos, as a woman I support limlim's view. But 感情的事很难讲的。 especially for a man who has a change of heart. 男人变了心，留个空壳干嘛？ from my observation (my family is still in touch with our ex-neighbors from the rough neighbourhood), 抛妻弃子的男人没有好下场的。to err is human..
However, I feel that no matter what, a man should return to his wife. I detest those man who divorce their wife to be with another woman..
You all may be aware that my husband is always travelling for work. I hv my fair share of 他在外头有没有乖乖？ a man like him - tall, good looking, dress well, perceived as doing well (got career got $) AND gentlemanly. I got many
moments.
I once found 3 condoms among my husband's unpacked stuff. He just came back from two back to back trip (3weeks in US) and then 3 weeks overseas reservist in bangkok. so I didn't know where the 3 condoms were from - US or bkk? But they looked weird, not the usual type I know so they must be from these two trips. And no box, only 3 left, sure got used some right??? :mad:
I remembered how I burst into tears and was totally upset the whole afternoon. Heng husband not around, so I was left to be anger, sad confused.... And think. I regretted trying to help him unpack. Now 惹了一身红蚂蚁 ....
I didn't confront him becos I had no guts and no plan. What if he really went for a fling? Or worse, a second family elsewhere? If positive how, what shd I do? It went on for a few days. One day his friend came for a visit. While I busy myself in the kitchen, I heard them talking about condoms and who take how many. It turned out that that 3 condoms were issued by SAF during their bkk reservist and that guy was the \"condom ic\".
I am of cos the happiest wife in my block for the next few days lor, because I had solved the mystery of the 3 condoms without raising a war. :evil:
After this incident I kept thinking about this. It is a very real problem - what if my husband 不要我了？ men are visual animals. I am not young and pretty anymore, with a small kid (to to run after him, carry more bags then before), how to be sexy? Even if he didn't initiate it, he may fail at repeated temptation.
I decided that I still hold a few triumph cards - our son, his parents (I am sure my in laws will side me if he commits adultery) and our mental/emotional connection. My husband is a very quiet person. It is not easy to find out what he thinks within. He has said before 他的世界只有我最懂. If I can say out what he wants to say in the words he want to use, then really 他的世界只有我最懂. the key is to maintain the emotional connection with him.
I decided so long as those are flings (not permanent or got set up family with that woman). I can close both eyes. So long as my son still recognizes him as the father, I can close both eyes.
But I hv been thinking/planning for the \"what if\". I need to have plan b.
He must have been tempted. He has been bringing little things from home with him. One of them is a pillow case. I think this pillow case is to remind him of me/us (him and me). He did try, that shd be good enough. -
once i found a red mark on DH’s shirt.He insisted it was a stain from other clothes.I didn’t pursue.how much i trust him? I don’t know…
if really he is having fling outside,i don’t know how would i react?I can’t control him 24x7.I don’t even know where is his working place.We do not hv emotional connection coz he prefers to do things by himself.
if he really did,i probably upset but i would feel it is relief to me…away fr. inlaw prob n taking care him as Big baby.
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