桃花谈

[Imami]

kylene:

What if the person I have to stand up to is my MIL? She likes to 贪小便宜. For eg she'll say my son is 2 when in fact he is 3 yrs old to avoid paying entrance fees to zoo, science centre etc. There was once he broke a toy and she brought the toy back to the store demanding a refund by saying the toy was already broken when he opened it.

My mom advised that these are \"small\" things and I shouldn't quarrel with MIL over them. But I don't feel right doing these and is worried about my son picking up the wrong values.

omg. I tend to agree with your mom - don't even raise the topic to her. Personally, I think the relationship with in laws (ESP mil) is very sensitive, takes much toll and years to build but can crumble within seconds by something small.

My mil has a bad habit of \"getting the most value out of the price of her holiday package\" ( not that she pays for any of them for the past 7 years or so). In my in laws' home, u can find xx hotel towel/shampoo/tissue box/glasses. U get the drift?

I generally don't agree with such habits Although i think a few more tissue paper in the pocket after checking out is fine. Or even the shampoo/toothbrush/slippers/matches are ok. Towels and glasses are not.

But I don't tell her off. I just don't join her or contribute to her Loot.

[Jennifer]

Imami:

Lastly, I probably won't respond to any further comments/crtiticisms on my 130km/hr. This is an open forum, every member is entitled to their opinion but I don't owe anyone an obligation to explain. At least that's what I feel.

Glad you are back to clarify the speeding topic.

I was asking hubby is it possible to drive at 130km/hr in Sg? He says unlikely on normal roads, maybe a long stretch and quiet expressway. He admitted he once tried 140km/hr on a new TPE many years ago.

So, I be seeing you at Breakfast thread tmr? miss you leh

[insider]

Blessedwife:

Actually I think most of us just do not agree with people who choose to ignore other's safety by exceeding the speed limit.

I think ALL of us do not agree with people who are speeding. Perhaps the level of our 'acceptance' of that person's speeding action differs... ('acceptance' here is defined as accepting that person as who he is, a 'speeder' (matured adult) who can only change if he wants to and not a 'speeder' who can be 'talked' into no speeding by 'kind advice'.)

Blessedwife:

For example, if any of your relatives met with an accident (touch wood) so can we say \"it's fated Lar, who ask the person to be so suay?\" NO !

emmm...to tell you honestly...even if any of my kids were to be hit by a reckless driver in an accident, I may heartbreak for a while but then I will still accept 'gracefully' and move on. 怨天尤人 is just not the way to live lives under any circumstances coz whatever happened had happened (the same as if any accident happens to me, my kiddos are expected to move on and not to stand still to 怨天尤人 excessively...)

maybe we move on to killer litter, those who throw heavy items out from their windows and hit and killed strangers. these people obviously not supposed to do this kind of things but they chose to do, so what can one do if really suay suay kena hit? isn't it fated to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?

[Imami]

insider:

sleepy:

Your sis is right to be worried. I can totally empathise with her concern. And I don't think it's an unduly worry in your sister's situation.

Actually I think your niece should put in more thoughts for her mum. If she knew her mum is worried sick about her going on such trips, why can't she compromise? It's part of filial piety too, isn't it?

No, this part my sis has to compromise.

It seems like missionary work is my niece's calling and I sort of can see she making it 'big' in this area.  She needs the exposure and the experience. (later I may sponsor her for her Masters in Social Service when she is ready.)

Putting my niece in any other job that appears 'safer' may clip her wings forever and I cannot agree. This is similar to if I were to ask my son not climb high mountains or dive deep seas and then coz I worried, he better go and do some more 'earthy' jobs.  That may 'lengthen' my son's life with higher probability but that will affect his quality of life.

My niece gives her filial piety via 'lies' at this moment...(i don't wish my son to lie to me that he is going for a shopping trip when he is actually treking in a remote jungle.)

My sis is the one who needs to change for this case (even if my niece were to later maybe die in overseas) coz to love means to let go completely...

PS:
These are all very good discussion points...

I tend to agree with sleepy that the young lady should put in more thoughts for the mum.  (sorry sleepy, I was quite pissed by your earlier post hence my response was bad.) 

Insider probably thinks that \"it's in her\" and hence, mum shd give way. And also, back to the seedling theory, mum should not \"think too much\". 

During my growing up years, my parents (father in particular) had their fair share of worry for their brood. One of my bro went through a stage of \"I need to lie to go where I want\". In those days when mobile phones (or even pagers) are scarce, really quite difficult to contact someone. This bro lied about going to outward bound camp when he was actually at east coast chalet for that few days.dunno why picha lobang. For that few days my mother kept trying to contact his friends to find out where he was but to no avail. Imagine the worry built up over days. Come back, sure Kenna jialat jialat. 

When he was back,  家法伺候。that was the only time I ever saw my mum so fierce and upset and my bro so in pain and cried so loud. At the end of the wallop session, they actually could come to a consensus - my mum would let him go anywhere he want. The condition is he cannot lie to her anymore. It was very amazing to me, even as a young kid. Now as a parent, still quite amazing. I am not sure if I can do it when it's my son's turn, 

I learnt well, having seen someone walked the path. I had my share of \"aiya, I know la. I will take care.\". I was enlightened by someone one day  to think about why/how my parents reacted in this manner and what I could have done to elevate their worry.

After hearing that person out, I didn't have any solution to what I could do to improve things (except to stop doing what my parents may not like) but I began to understand how/why my parents reacted in this way. So I try to support my action by explaining what precaution I take. 

So in this situation, I tend to think the niece should do her part. But wait, maybe she did all there is reasonably to be done but still..... 

[Imami]

Jennifer:

Glad you are back to clarify the speeding topic.

I was asking hubby is it possible to drive at 130km/hr in Sg? He says unlikely on normal roads, maybe a long stretch and quiet expressway. He admitted he once tried 140km/hr on a new TPE many years ago.

So, I be seeing you at Breakfast thread tmr? miss you leh

it is possible to do 130km/hr in sg expressway but it probably cannot sustained for long and also, the chance of doing it is slim. Besides, there are too many bends and turns to seriously do 130km/hr without putting one in harm's way.

Only during mid night, I guess. Where got no car de, on sg road. Even when I drove back from kkh at 3.30am one night, also got car. How to speed?

Oh, u also reading this... Then you never come and 踢我一脚 also? :evil:

I need to catch up a lot of the breakfast/supper/dinner/lunch threads! :rotflmao: I thought only work and house chores will built up. Now ksp readings also will built up!

[fanren]

Imami, your English mislead all of us mah… Anyway if 130km not used in Singapore then you no need to mention lah… Not as big deal in overseas

[Imami]

fanren:

Imami, your English mislead all of us mah.... Anyway if 130km not used in Singapore then you no need to mention lah.... Not as big deal in overseas

Sorry wor, I have always say my engrish no good. But it's not my fault for people to make their own assumption, teo Bo?

If u read back my post which raised much controversy, the point was my son's sense of speed and/or the lack of it. Where it took place, is not impt mah. Because I am not talking about speeding, the point I am talking about my son's sense of speed and how he automatically asked me to slow down the moment I hit beyond 50km/hr on rainy days.

One can write in queen's English. But if the others want to join into conclusion, misunderstanding will still happen. Which drives me back to - why nobody ask where/how/why and then start criticizing.

[limlim]

Imami:

limlim:

You may not cause an accident, but your speed might change the consequences of an accident should another car cut into your path or hit you causing you to lose control.

Losing control of a car at 60km/h and that for a car at 130km/hr can have very different results..

Again, this bring back to my earlier question -why nobody asked where I was driving?

 when I hit 130km/hr, there was no car in sight, not in front, not behind. A long straight stretch of highway where there was no vehicle at all.

I do practice defensive driving and was mindful of possible danger, not senselessly/blindly speeding. When I 

It is a general comment. It applies in every situation and hence it doesn't matter the circumstances when or where you do it.

The consequences will be different at different speed. I am just pointing out a fact.

It is not meant to be personal (i.e. \"imami, you shd not do this\" that kind of comment), so there is no need for me to find out from you why are you doing it.

Whether or not the speeding is justified doesn't have impact on the validity of that comment.

Imami:

limlim:

This is NOT a reminder. It is criticism of undesirable behavior (i.e. speeding).

indeed, I see this comment (and some others as well) as criticism on me and my action. But really, how sound/good are these criticism when the one criticizing doesn't get the whole picture?

That is a response to insider when she commented that we are making \"unnecessary nagging\" (maybe not the most suitable phase to use).

\"Undesirable behaviour\" is reckless speeding (like in some examples given by insider, and saying things like they are the ones driving so passenger shd \"Shut up\")

If you can justify your actions, then, it is not reckless speeding and not in our definition of undesirable behaviour, and my comments don't apply and so the criticism may not have existed.

Again, the intention is Not to pin down \"imami did something wrong\". If someone want to \"convict\" you of the wrongdoing, they will need to get the whole picture first.

But I am mainly trying to condemn \"reckless driving\" and not trying to \"convict imami\".. Guess you get the picture......

[Imami]

Ha really? I don’t see it that way. Not with "this is not your grandfather road" and blah blah blah. In almost everything we discuss, the context is very important. But since one doesn’t bother to find out more before jumping into conclusion, the other don’t need to explain.

[limlim]

Imami:

Ha really? I don't see it that way. Not with \"this is not your grandfather road\" and blah blah blah.

This is direct response to insider's post when she mentioned as a passenger she should learn to shut up bcoz she is not at the wheels, or something to that effect.

And, I said, my reply (To That comment) is, \"it is not your grandfathers road\".

Please, what you read, please draw the link to insider's post/comments, NOT to you.

Insider's comment triggered most of those posts you read, Not you. So please don't take the words too personally.

Let me ask you, if you(as a driver) saw someone wilful reckless driving, and you point out to him that it is not right. His reply is, he is the one driving not you, so you shd \"Shut Up\". How would you response? of coz, you would tell him, it is your vehicle but this is not your grandfather's road! Are you directing to yourself or other drivers? no right? only the one with the attitude problem who ask you to \"shut up\".

Hence, clearly you can see that the comment is not directed at you.

Hope the clarification will ease you from any unpleasantness or possible distress.

My only (I guess) reply direct to you is the factual comment that different speed different outcome. Which shd nvr trigger any unpleasant feeling..