lovekids22:

To all mummies,


I need some help here. Can anyone of you recommend more books for a 6 year boy. He has finished reading all the Roald Dahl books (except Going Solo and Boy Tales of Childhood- too much explicit details), I am looking for something similar like this.

Thanks!

Does this help? http://www.all-gifted.com/recommendedbooks.html
http://www.all-gifted.com/recommendedbooks2.html

Blue Pearl:

will kids lose their childhood in this rat race

Depends, I guess.

clay569:

Dear sushi88, ammonite, 2ppaamm, thanks for the open discussion. I deeply appreciate your inputs.


As for the link, I've checked the website of the school. Was thinking if I should ask these qn out in the open but anyway here they are:

1) does the child have to quit school to join the program or can he take it on a part time basis to try out?
2) is the diploma recognised for entry to nus, ntu? If yes, will A level cert holders be the preferred candidate?
3) for science subjects, how is lab work done?
4) what's the possibility of enrolling into courses like medicine? Just wondering as kiddo just mentioned abt pathology earlier.
5) can a child who is not gifted manage the course? Psychologist did suggest he might be gifted but he only got through Gep screening (no prep or tuition) and was not selected. I didn't send him for any IQ test.

I hope posting these qn here isn't the wrong thing to do....

Maybe direct your questions to https://www.facebook.com/pages/All-Gifted/141781045952942

Sharing this (hot off the press) in case anyone finds it interesting. Note, the stay at home mum part is not true, reporter made a mistake, or assumed wrong.

http://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/article/1419935/singaporean-mother-sets-online-high-school-gifted-children?utm_source=edm&utm_medium=edm&utm_content=20140205&utm_campaign=scmp_today

clay569:

Hi 2ppaamm, Sushi88, thanks for your encouragement and suggestions.


Just to share a bit more, DS has been a sensitive child. While he often gets chastised for speaking out of line, he still continued to do/say things that he knows will get him into trouble. However, he's able to withhold certain thoughts which he knows take a different impact. I suspect he's not saying because he doesn't see how saying could change things or he's thinking abt the impact on us, his parents. There were times I had to persuade him to speak his opinion. I had to tell him not to worry about how we feel then he'd speak up..

His passions are in technical and scientific areas. The reason I wanted him to speak for himself what he likes is to remind himself of his interests. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right way though. I am able to do these along with him (with lots of revision and read up). What I'm missing is him wanting to do it with or without me, to get him interested enough to self-start like before. For example, he used to take my technical notes to read up on his own accord and ask questions, and he would ask me how a particular item is manufactured and listened attentively to my lengthy explanation.

I'm not sure what's the best way to jolt him. Trying things out... Looks to me his interest has not changed. Wish me luck that I'll find that correct button soon..

Thank you for sharing. You are a good parent, and I am sure your DS will turn out ok.

My experience tells me that being an overly proactive parent can sometimes give a child the excuse to stop thinking and being proactive, since everything is always going to be done for him actually. Also, if it is a child who likes to please, he/she will look for what the parent wants before he does anything. In the end, he will not pursue his own passions, but pursue whatever the parent wants. So he will never find himself.

I am not sure if that is your case here. But I guess you will never know until he is ready to tell you. For boys, depending on personality, but most tell their mums a lot before they turned 10, and if they go on a silent, they will only open up after they turned 17. That is, if they finally mature and the parents are successful in gaining the children's trust and confidence. Those become silent years if they feel that they cannot be themselves around their parents.

I have also seen boys never fully 'coming back' even in their twenties, and there is forever a breach. And yes, that includes very bright and gifted kids. I feel that gifted kids are particularly at risk given their ability to reason and resent at a young age. I also found academic high achievers are also at risk because of the prevalence of hot housing in Singapore. Poor achievers may also be at risk as they attribute their lack of achievement to their parents' upbringing.

In short, it is hard to influence our teenagers as we compete for their attention with their peers and the media. Those of us we are more successful are those who spent years investing time with them.

Now that some of my kids are in their twenties (how time flies), and having taught thousands of students in their twenties, we can often tell how their relationships are with their parents easily. Often, those with committed parents stand out among their peers. Funny, at the end of the day, it is really no rocket science in bringing up children, when all they need is some space for them to manoeuvre so that they can find themselves.

So here's wishing you the best, all of us parents need that.

clay569:

Yep I do know why so I'm trying to draw him out...

that's a great start. Perhaps more crucial than other things. Teenagers can lock themselves in and if as their parents we fall to draw them out, our influence on them will be less than their peers.

Once we lose them to their peers, parenthood becomes a ling drawn battle. Once they are hesitant to share anything, lets be abit more cautious. It could be nothing but in case it is, know it before he does.

Wishing you the best!

clay569:

Yep I do know why so I'm trying to draw him out...

that's a great start. Perhaps more crucial than other things. Teenagers can lock themselves in and if as their parents we fall to draw them out, our influence on them will be less than their peers.

Once we lose them to their peers, parenthood becomes a ling drawn battle. Once they are hesitant to share anything, lets be abit more cautious. It could be nothing but in case it is, know it before he does.

Wishing you the best!

clay569:

There were. The pain is he's gone sluggish with his passions too. Like just cruising. After reading your post, I talked to him. Open-ended questions like 'what do you like (to do)?' He wasn't ready to say. Answers in his eyes but no words. I want him to say it for himself, not by my prompting. I know his answers but I don't want to say it for him. So I'll see how..

Have you ever reflected on why he has difficulty telling you?

clay569:

2ppaamm:

How do you do that at home? Well, that's what I am working at. And that's what people like buds and you are working at. We try to find out what our kids are good at, and then progress from there. If I am lucky, I will make those systems available soon. Otherwise, you should just continue to listen carefully to your child, and then find tools that will ignite his passion. A bit general but I think you will know what to do.

Happy New Year to you!

Thanks for replying at this busy festive period. Yes, I do understand what you have shared about a child being 'forced' to conform. This is exactly my frustration. It seems to me my DS has simply given up on school years back (conforming and didnt cover his interest) and keeps underperforming in school. He's in sec 1 this year. While he did well enough for psle, we know he hasn't 'show hand', so to speak. He isn't that kind of top brilliance but more brilliant than what he puts in for test/exam.

I'm struggling with how to re-ignite his love for learning so that he'll re-indulge in his area of interest with the same fire and eagerness. How do I motivate him to get off the 'normalization' back to the one before the spark in the eyes was extinguished and how to max his potential. So many years have passed, is it still possible to reverse? In the words of a few of his teachers, his potentials are all locked in. Any advice?

Tia..

Er... cannot advise without ever seeing someone leh...

But he has you as the mother, and you bother to search and find answers. So that's probably the best thing he has. Now that PSLE is out of the way, maybe it is time to take a honeymoon year, and take it slow on academics and build on his other interests?

Just a thought, and not an advice hor... I'm sure you will know what to do once you have spent enough time listening to his passions, desires and dreams.

clay569:

2ppaamm:

Interestingly, most people are born with some kind of super memory, which will be gone in due time when not honed. Often, such abilities are left untouched and unpolished, because schools are not structured to nurture such skills. Eventually, most geniuses are 'normalized' into normal people through the current education system.

Hi.. Is there a way to 'unnormalise' these children back to their original selves?

Hehe... but the whole system is designed that way. To make everyone the same: from P1 to army. Have a thought.

If you want to do something else, you've got a lot to work against. I'll give you an example: if your child is gifted visually and can remember whatever he/she sees. Such kids sight words and somehow comprehend how to read those words without phonics, these kids have a large 'memory' bank and store information in pictorial form. These are the gifted kids who can speed read and memorize information.

If these kids are sent for phonics classes at a young age, they will be forced to abandon the use of this 'memory' bank, and learn phonics, which is the breaking down of words into parts and then putting them together again. Many of them run into big problems because that's not how they are 'designed' to 'store' information. But that's how we teach. Hence, they will be forced to forgo the natural ways their brain work, and learn something inferior, which is designed to help those without this natural reading ability to learn to break things into smaller pieces and then put them together again.

But we must understand that is how EVERY education system in the world works today. They are not designed to help us find or nurture our children's gifts. They are designed to mass educate for the market, a concept born out of the Industrial Revolution era. Hence, if you want to preserve a child's gifts, you have to do this at home.

How do you do that at home? Well, that's what I am working at. And that's what people like buds and you are working at. We try to find out what our kids are good at, and then progress from there. If I am lucky, I will make those systems available soon. Otherwise, you should just continue to listen carefully to your child, and then find tools that will ignite his passion. A bit general but I think you will know what to do.