No Problem is problem
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To spend 25 yrs of my life learning/studying is siong.
To spend another 25 yrs of my life jiaga (look after) kids, so that they will not take wrong paths, is lagi siong...
By then, I old old liow..... 55++ :!: Those married later, lagi older....
Climb Great wall of China, no stamina liow...
This is life???? :stupid: :? -
daisyt:
Just imagine, if our parents tell us, we are damaging to their relationship, they rather choose not to have us because they miss out so many good things in life all because of us, how would we feel? If they say that to me when I am at my teenage time, I would feel very very upset, heart breaking and sad ....
Sadly that's what my mom told me when I was pregnant w/ no. 2. She didn't exactly say we (me & my brother) ruined her marriage, but she said she wished she didn't give birth to us. I was so hurt :shock: :x back then. How could she say such a thing?? She said she didn't want me to suffer as bringing up kids is no easy task at all. My brother had complications during birth and my parents' marriage has never been a smooth sailing, but they stay together just b/c of us. Now that I have my own family and kids, I can finally start to understand where she was coming from, although I'd never say such words to my own kids.
In fact becoming a mom is like opening my eyes to a different world, a lot of things I couldn't understand before suddenly become so clear. -
Donkey Kong:
think u r just venting. sometimes we just want to take time to think for ourselves given we've been giving and giving to other people. we feel we sacrifice for our spouse, for our children etc. its normal to wish we could think for ourselves once in a while.To spend 25 yrs of my life learning/studying is siong.
To spend another 25 yrs of my life jiaga (look after) kids, so that they will not take wrong paths, is lagi siong...
By then, I old old liow..... 55++ :!: Those married later, lagi older....
Climb Great wall of China, no stamina liow...
This is life???? :stupid: :?
however to keep wallowing in self-pity abt your situation is not healthy. if possible, seek help from a professional counsellor or psychologist, as a couple. otherwise the family relationship wil keep weakening. i believe u love your wife, or at least your son enough to want him to grow up in a complete family. if so, u need to work hard at it.
therefore pls snap out of this self-pitying mode and read thru what many well-meaning KSPs have taken the time to share with u. this is your own life and the life of people u care about. its not even ours - but we certainly wish things turn out better for you, in time to come. take care.. -
Parenting is tough, esp. with rebellous kids.
Those with guai guai kids will never understand.
Change? :idea: anyone can change. When they do, they aren't in their original forms. Just like you go to carpark, someone painted your car black... :?
Hope to meet more parents with shouting/yelling at home. So to discuss how to handle these issues. :love: -
Donkey Kong:
Hope to meet more parents with shouting/yelling at home. So to discuss how to handle these issues. :love:
I have the above scenario you described. Sorry no solution found yet. if you did before me, pls share. -
Human, at different stage, behave differently. We change in mindset, due to the type of exposure we have, the higher education we receive, the media influence, the peers influence and many many more. Being a matured adult person, we can tell the difference between good and bad. For kids, they need our guidance. How many kids out there are really guai guai type? I doubt not many. Rebellous kids = bad kids? .. not necessary. Each time, when I am very disappointed on certain issues on my child, I would tell myself, which child don't give parents problems? Its just different set of problems for every children and the level of problems. My child too, like ordinary kids, give me many problems too. I ask myself many many WHYs too but after cooling down, I would think of ways to guide her. A teacher told me this \"ε©εοΌεͺδΈͺδΈη―ιοΌζιθ¦ζ―η₯ιοΌη¨εΏεθ‘ε¨ε»ζΉβ
Staying in the same block of me, there is this girl, she has low IQ (a little down syndrom). Every morning, when I send my child down, I would see her parents sending her down too. This girl insisted them just stop at the void deck and she would walk by herself to the MRT station, which is one block away. I see the parents waiting at the void deck, the mum, holding a hand phone. After a while, she would call her child. Once, the mum was very anxious because the child only answered her call after a few times of calling. Whenever I see this girl, I would tell myself, I am very fortunate to have a healthy child.
If you all still remember the 4yo girl, Charmain who has cancer? Inside her mum's heart, she must be wishing hard, to have the opportunity to watch Charmain grows up and gives her the different type of problems at different stage. Compare to her, I am very fortunate, to have a normal child who gives me problems.
We all know right from the beginning, when we decided to have children, it is our responsibility as a parent, to guide them, love them and teach them. Maybe there should be a vow for the parents to take, after child birth, just like marriage vow. In life, nothing is easy.
Yelling and shouting, for the purpose of waking up the child when he commits a serious mistake, I think is reasonable. But if yelling becomes a daily issue, it becomes a norm. We are mature adults, we should learn to control ourselves, to cool down ... We always teach our kids, whenever they want to throw their temper, take a deep breath and count 1 to 10. We can do that too. -
daisyt:
Well said, daisyt.
We all know right from the beginning, when we decided to have children, it is our responsibility as a parent, to guide them, love them and teach them. Maybe there should be a vow for the parents to take, after child birth, just like marriage vow. In life, nothing is easy.
Thank you for sharing ....
Food for thought ....
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Donkey Kong:
Hello Kong,To spend 25 yrs of my life learning/studying is siong.
To spend another 25 yrs of my life jiaga (look after) kids, so that they will not take wrong paths, is lagi siong...
By then, I old old liow..... 55++ :!: Those married later, lagi older....
Climb Great wall of China, no stamina liow...
This is life???? :stupid: :?
First, I want to let you know, you are not alone.
If you are a job holder, you are luckier than me and many \"self-employed\". I have been unable to get a job since being laid off in Sep 08. My friend, who is around my age (late 40) in the same Semicon industry, also jobless since May 08. We are master degree holders, over Qualified and rejected by taxi companies... they say, when times are back to good, he will give up driving....
If you can still buy favorite books, food for your kids, you are more luckier.
I fall into what you mentioned, married older ... at 37 .. so you are luckier again.
During morning jog, I often run into these special kids learning how to jog, methodologically guided by their teachers (salute to these teachers, they are so kind!).. and you are luckier than these kids' parents...
You are indeed a very lucky person, who still able to vent in this Forum, and get so many of us to response to your \"greives\"! Much much better than those who don't even have money to buy computers....
Take heart, live life and be contended with what you have. -
adhdadhd:
Take heart, live life and be contended with what you have.
:hugs: adhdadhd.. Yeah, live and let live.. :hugs: -
Happiness is a decision that u made everyday!
Take a step back and think of wat can be done best for a win-win situation for all. Sometimes, we need to take tings easy for a better tomolo. This applies for children, spouse or even for ourself.
All, regardless of ages will have to learn to bear the consequences of the tings we do. Juz do our best (especially when children is concerned), and let them learn thru the hard way when necessary.
Life is short... do not let urself and others who TRULY loves u down!
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