Raising Resilient Children

[Busymom]

Busymom:

markfch:

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

Actually, I just remember that this is what the author of this book 好妈妈胜过好老师 did to a bully in her daughter's school, i.e. bought a book or something for the bully. Is this correct? Maybe I go back and check the book again and share with all what that incident was.

[markfch]

Funz:

Markfch, I am a mama bear whereas you are a teddy bear. Haha. I'm definitely fiercer.

That sissy label cured him huh? Too bad it cannot be applied to DD. Well she hardly rolls her eyes at me anymore. So I guess our deal worked out. More in my favour then hers cos I still nag at her.

Haha, just now ds pretended to roll his eyes and told me to go ahead and call him a sissy as there were only two of us in the room. \"Anyway nobody is watching what!\", he retorted. :roll:

[Busymom]

Busymom:

Busymom:

[quote=\"markfch\"]

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

Actually, I just remember that this is what the author of this book 好妈妈胜过好老师 did to a bully in her daughter's school, i.e. bought a book or something for the bully. Is this correct? Maybe I go back and check the book again and share with all what that incident was. [/quote]Went to read the chapter last night and the incident(s) went like this:

It happened when the author's DD was in P4. There was a boy who loved to play pranks on her DD, like pulling her hair from behind during class, or snatching and throwing DD's books to somewhere far for DD to run there to retreive, only to grab them and throw again before she got to the books, etc.

The author didn't intervene by going to the teacher, as she felt that the boy was just being mischievous and also, DD had already told her teacher about this matter. She didn't think it would change anything by going to the teacher.

When her DD was in P5, the boy started to harass her DD by making prank calls and once, even grab her DD from behind and planted a kiss on her head... DD was very upset and asked her parents to speak to the principal to expel the boy from school.

The author then decided to pick DD up from school one day and waited to speak to this boy. She bought a book for the boy, a book which both herself and DD enjoyed very much. She acknowledged that the book is a \"bribe\", but she also thought that through reading a good book, one gets to learn some moral values and become a better person.

So she managed to speak to the boy. The conversation was something like:
Author: Do you think my DD is a good classmate or bad classmate?
Boy: Good classmate.
Author: What are the good points that my DD possess?
Boy then said some good things (sorry, forgot what they are :oops: )
Author: What about bad points?
Boy: No, she doesn't have any.
Author: If my DD is a good classmate with no bad points, do you think anyone should bully her?
Boy: No...
Author: If anyone bullies her, you will surely help her, right?
Boy: Yes...
Author: You are such a good boy!

She patted his head and gave him the book. In the meantime, some KPO boys who were watching this interrupted and told the Author not to believe the boy, but Author said something else to ease the situation. The boy was grateful for that, and the author thought that she should have a word with the boy's parents, as she could sense that the boy was really not such a baddie. She felt that it might have been the way the boy's parents had been bringing up the boy. She went on to ask the boy if she could see his parents. The KPO friends then said something that made the author decided not to pursue this.

Well, after this meeting, the boy apparently stopped harassing her DD.

Subsequently, she heard that the boy's dad was serving time in jail, while the mother openly kicked her son in front of the teacher during a meeting with the teacher, which she felt would have resulted in low self-esteem in the boy. Soon after, the author moved to another location and never saw or heard about the boy again. She often wondered what happened to the boy, and regretted not trying hard enough to meet the boy's mother.

So, markfch, you are quite a good daddy! Maybe you should consider writing a book...

[Sun_2010]

busymom, that was a touching read.


markfch, while this thread started off with one issue, it has moved on to give many useful suggestions and experiences. May I suggest to change the heading to "Raising Resilient Children" or some such thing. Just a suggestion

[Chenonceau]

busymom… yes, touching read… I learnt something that made my heart go pitter-pat!!

[Busymom]

:hi5: sun_2010 and chenonceau. I found it touching too, thus wanted to share with everyone here. Glad that you like the story.

[markfch]

Sun_2010:

busymom, that was a touching read.


markfch, while this thread started off with one issue, it has moved on to give many useful suggestions and experiences. May I suggest to change the heading to \"Raising Resilient Children\" or some such thing. Just a suggestion

Agree. Subject heading changed as requested.

Busymom:

So, markfch, you are quite a good daddy! Maybe you should consider writing a book...

Err, I've a confession to make. My friend taught me this method lah. I where got so creative?

[Funz]

DD, came home fuming mad again on Tues. The class was going to have a party and DD’s group including her frenemy L, volunteered to make a pinata for the party. The kids tried without success to make the pinata in school last week. DD volunteered to complete the pinata at home over the weekend and she spent the whole weekend painstakingly cooking the starch and layering the newspapers, drying it and decorating it. She brought the finished product to school on Monday to show her friends and all of them were full of praise for DD. L said she will bring the pinata home and then bring it back again on Thursday.


On Tuesday, L passed DD the pinata. It was destroyed. L claimed that her older sis saw the pinata and said it was very ugly and destroyed it. DD spent the evening trying to salvage what was left of the pinata. She said the whole class was looking forward to having a pinata for the party so she has to try to patch it back.

I was surprised that she did not dissolve into tears and end up sulking. There was actually no tears at all, a bit of fuming and feet stomping but what I saw was a determination not to let the class down. I’m pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L’s fault, it was L’s sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Oh well, in any case, seeing her like that, I baked a batch of choc chip cookies for her to bring to the party. And though a bit petty of me, I am glad L will not be in the same class as DD next year.

[Chenonceau]

Funz:

DD, came home fuming mad again on Tues. The class was going to have a party and DD's group including her frenemy L, volunteered to make a pinata for the party. The kids tried without success to make the pinata in school last week. DD volunteered to complete the pinata at home over the weekend and she spent the whole weekend painstakingly cooking the starch and layering the newspapers, drying it and decorating it. She brought the finished product to school on Monday to show her friends and all of them were full of praise for DD. L said she will bring the pinata home and then bring it back again on Thursday.


On Tuesday, L passed DD the pinata. It was destroyed. L claimed that her older sis saw the pinata and said it was very ugly and destroyed it. DD spent the evening trying to salvage what was left of the pinata. She said the whole class was looking forward to having a pinata for the party so she has to try to patch it back.

I was surprised that she did not dissolve into tears and end up sulking. There was actually no tears at all, a bit of fuming and feet stomping but what I saw was a determination not to let the class down. I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Oh well, in any case, seeing her like that, I baked a batch of choc chip cookies for her to bring to the party. And though a bit petty of me, I am glad L will not be in the same class as DD next year.

:stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet:
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I feel mad just READING your account!! :mad:

My DD too used to be... no... IS still very forgiving and non skeptical. I also, like you, let it go because I want to keep her soul beautiful. BUT, it's hard for Mommy to forgive even though we might find it easy to forgive transgressions against ourselves... and give others the benefit of the doubt.

When it's me, it ok. When it's DD, it's hard for me to say ok.

[Busymom]

Funz:

DD, came home fuming mad again on Tues. The class was going to have a party and DD's group including her frenemy L, volunteered to make a pinata for the party. The kids tried without success to make the pinata in school last week. DD volunteered to complete the pinata at home over the weekend and she spent the whole weekend painstakingly cooking the starch and layering the newspapers, drying it and decorating it. She brought the finished product to school on Monday to show her friends and all of them were full of praise for DD. L said she will bring the pinata home and then bring it back again on Thursday.


On Tuesday, L passed DD the pinata. It was destroyed. L claimed that her older sis saw the pinata and said it was very ugly and destroyed it. DD spent the evening trying to salvage what was left of the pinata. She said the whole class was looking forward to having a pinata for the party so she has to try to patch it back.

I was surprised that she did not dissolve into tears and end up sulking. There was actually no tears at all, a bit of fuming and feet stomping but what I saw was a determination not to let the class down. I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Oh well, in any case, seeing her like that, I baked a batch of choc chip cookies for her to bring to the party. And though a bit petty of me, I am glad L will not be in the same class as DD next year.

:hugs: to your DD! She is so sweet. :love:

But just curious, why did L have to bring the pinata back home on Mon?

Well, if I were you, I would also be very glad that L is not going to be in the same class as your DD.