How to salvage marriage

[raytan30]

hi guys


thank you for your posts an positive replies… so much encouragement that i feel like i’m in rehab! lol.

Mdm fireflyserene >
you know my wife can’t cook, can’t do chores, etc… can boss people very well.
that’s why i was a bit put off to say the least. she just wants to stay home and not do anything.
what made me turn back was because i realised my wife loved me very much. everything she did her best and i realised kind of in a selfish way too that i’d be stoopeed to lose her. i think worse case if i bankrupt then my gf or my wife going to stay with me? of course my wife la! no need to think.
wa lao last time gf always ask for cartier etc…it happens to a lot of guys.

those are the my intangible thoughts. but the tangible was when she said her friend got photo evidence i was with a girl (which i think today is a lie) and i fell for it. i’m quite dumb…never seen the photo til this day! so on the spot… and i mean like on the spot ! my spirit came back to my body and i literally begged her to forgive me.

so if you think you have the patience to stomach all these nonsense from husband and still love him. then you should still love him, stick to it and if you do have anything to prove, just confront him.
but it’s a risk of course. but love is a risk isn’t it?

your last qn about possible to change entirely and avoid EMA? i don’t know…but i know even if not, the man must always remember to come back to the family to provide for family, bring wife out on dates and celebrate her birthdays.

anyway i got 2 other friends like me, it is possible to re-kindle a marriage again and that’s the beauty!

[Fireflyserene]

In my case, H been manipulative. Tried communicating & so call open talk, pretend not to know what H is doing outside, confronted his liar & unreasonable wired , showing concerns & talk senses etc... never solve real problem. H will at most apologise & 'commit' again. Ya, if I hv patience to stomach, it will still up to H to 'wake up'. H don't seem to see what raytan30 is seeing. Wonder if a guy has EMA & that third party willingly wait & seem v understanding, will guy give up family to go..... Will those questions still matter!



Hi Raytan30,
Thanks for your open sharing- appreciate it. Wish u & DW a blissful happy marriage forever.


Thanks all the well advices.
Anyway, :lovesite:

[sleepy]

It’s very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

[Canvas]

sleepy:

It's very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

I second that. Everyone has a threshold.

[kooky83]

sleepy:

It's very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

I agree with you too. Not everyone can tolerate. Forgiving and forgetting such a mistake is so hard, it will forever be an unpleasant part of the marriage. It's all about choices, it's whether you want or don't want to resist temptations.

[Dreamaurora]

Every man who marries will entertain thoughts of straying with another woman, and yes, I am speaking from experience as a married man. So why I do not do it?


Because I cherish all the memories I have with my wife, good or bad. She is the one who stick with me through all the difficult times and we share happy moments together. All I wish is to make my wife happy and that is all that matters and she feels the same way too. And I want to continue to make memories together with her. When I do things, it is no longer about me, but it is also about her.

I think the problem with a lot of married couples nowadays is that they approach marriage with self-serving mindsets i.e. what can i get from this marriage. Unfortunately though, the dynamics of the relationship does change after marriage and when some needs are no longer met, the temptation is strong to ‘outsource’.

It is unfortunate if your spouse succumbs to this temptation and I fully agree that this can forever damage the relationship. That is why I think before marrying, all issues have to be thrased out first, and preferably go for a marriage prep course. To be honest, I myself am not sure if I can remain married to my wife if she cheats on me. I would be able to forgive her, but most likely I would not be able to trust her anymore. And being in a marriage where you can’t trust your partner is very miserable.

[kooky83]

Dreamaurora:

Every man who marries will entertain thoughts of straying with another woman, and yes, I am speaking from experience as a married man. So why I do not do it?


Because I cherish all the memories I have with my wife, good or bad. She is the one who stick with me through all the difficult times and we share happy moments together. All I wish is to make my wife happy and that is all that matters and she feels the same way too. And I want to continue to make memories together with her. When I do things, it is no longer about me, but it is also about her.

I think the problem with a lot of married couples nowadays is that they approach marriage with self-serving mindsets i.e. what can i get from this marriage. Unfortunately though, the dynamics of the relationship does change after marriage and when some needs are no longer met, the temptation is strong to 'outsource'.

It is unfortunate if your spouse succumbs to this temptation and I fully agree that this can forever damage the relationship. That is why I think before marrying, all issues have to be thrased out first, and preferably go for a marriage prep course. To be honest, I myself am not sure if I can remain married to my wife if she cheats on me. I would be able to forgive her, but most likely I would not be able to trust her anymore. And being in a marriage where you can't trust your partner is very miserable.

Yes, trust will forever be compromised once either of your partner has an affair. marriage is built on trust and being faithful. people should really rmb their vows the day they made when they got married