Is okay say no to Ipad/Iphone?

[beanbear]

Breadandmuffins:

Hi bean bear


I like your post. May I know how old are yr kids? Do you find them asking to play more often than once a week as they grow older? My worry is that when they are older, they may slowly play more often and became an addiction given that such games can be very addictive.

My ds1 is good at following the limits I set and will stop when the time is up. My ds2 , 6 yr old, on the other hand cannot control himself. During school days , they don't play any computer games excep when we are at friends house or when we hv friends over. They played only during school hol. Ds1 has started to ask to play more frequently such as during school days since p4. Ds2 will ask to play a few times each week so I let him play some educational stuff on CDROM.

My 2 older kids are in Upper Primary and DS3 is in P1. I found that when they were younger, they will test the boundaries, try to use extra 5mins here and there even though I've a timer. At upper primary, they are keenly aware that Mummy follows through on consequences so it's easier for the older kids to exercise self-control. When they suffer the consequences which came swiftly, they soon realize that the cost is not worth it because they get banned for 3 days or a week. When my DD2 misused her phone this year and was not able to exercise self-control, she was banned for one month!! She learnt that lesson very well. It's not worth it. But interestingly, my kids were not resentful of us punishing them. They took the punishment in their stride and we were on good terms.

I'm more relaxed during school holidays. My kids get to play Wii a few times a week. You should see my children's grateful faces and how they thanked me when I alllowed them 1 hr on wii or on PC. They are clear these are privileges and not rights.

My oldest DS will ask to play computer every week but because it's PSLE year, he doesn't always get it every week. He must demonstrate he's been disciplined in his revision.

I'm anticipating that when secondary school comes, DS will need to use the computer more often because of school work. I've not problems with that. We're very strict on internet use. I don't even have a facebook account, nor twitter. Call me archaic. I believe in old-fashioned face to face conversations to build relationships. KSP is the only forum I participate in and my children also know that.

As long as I maintain open communication with my children, I'm expecting they will respect the boundaries I've set up and why I've done it. I make sure that as a family, we do things that are non-technological eg sports, go to the park, watch movies, board games. Very old-fashioned stuff. At the dinner table, it's all about having good conversations - what's on the news, what happened during the day. At night, we read books together, pray together and hug each other. Old-fashioned stuff. Hopefully, these memories will carry through to when they are in Secondary school when my kids have more freedom but they will remember the family things we do together.

I really believe that kids turn to the computer or tech toys as a substitute for family love. When these toys are the babysitter for the kids, after a while, these toys become an addiction. My kids will prefer to go to the beach and pool with the family, much more than playing these toys because we do it frequently enough for them to experience these outings as fun and enjoyable. I think when families do these things infrequently that children reject going out with their parents after a while.

[fightingmom]

beanbear:

Breadandmuffins:

Hi bean bear


I like your post. May I know how old are yr kids? Do you find them asking to play more often than once a week as they grow older? My worry is that when they are older, they may slowly play more often and became an addiction given that such games can be very addictive.

My ds1 is good at following the limits I set and will stop when the time is up. My ds2 , 6 yr old, on the other hand cannot control himself. During school days , they don't play any computer games excep when we are at friends house or when we hv friends over. They played only during school hol. Ds1 has started to ask to play more frequently such as during school days since p4. Ds2 will ask to play a few times each week so I let him play some educational stuff on CDROM.

My 2 older kids are in Upper Primary and DS3 is in P1. I found that when they were younger, they will test the boundaries, try to use extra 5mins here and there even though I've a timer. At upper primary, they are keenly aware that Mummy follows through on consequences so it's easier for the older kids to exercise self-control. When they suffer the consequences which came swiftly, they soon realize that the cost is not worth it because they get banned for 3 days or a week. When my DD2 misused her phone this year and was not able to exercise self-control, she was banned for one month!! She learnt that lesson very well. It's not worth it. But interestingly, my kids were not resentful of us punishing them. They took the punishment in their stride and we were on good terms.

I'm more relaxed during school holidays. My kids get to play Wii a few times a week. You should see my children's grateful faces and how they thanked me when I alllowed them 1 hr on wii or on PC. They are clear these are privileges and not rights.

My oldest DS will ask to play computer every week but because it's PSLE year, he doesn't always get it every week. He must demonstrate he's been disciplined in his revision.

I'm anticipating that when secondary school comes, DS will need to use the computer more often because of school work. I've not problems with that. We're very strict on internet use. I don't even have a facebook account, nor twitter. Call me archaic. I believe in old-fashioned face to face conversations to build relationships. KSP is the only forum I participate in and my children also know that.

As long as I maintain open communication with my children, I'm expecting they will respect the boundaries I've set up and why I've done it. I make sure that as a family, we do things that are non-technological eg sports, go to the park, watch movies, board games. Very old-fashioned stuff. At the dinner table, it's all about having good conversations - what's on the news, what happened during the day. At night, we read books together, pray together and hug each other. Old-fashioned stuff. Hopefully, these memories will carry through to when they are in Secondary school when my kids have more freedom but they will remember the family things we do together.

I really believe that kids turn to the computer or tech toys as a substitute for family love. When these toys are the babysitter for the kids, after a while, these toys become an addiction. My kids will prefer to go to the beach and pool with the family, much more than playing these toys because we do it frequently enough for them to experience these outings as fun and enjoyable. I think when families do these things infrequently that children reject going out with their parents after a while.

Hi beanbear,

I find a few similarities in our parenting style :hi5:

Same here, DH and I prefer to spend more time with dd by engaging her in conversation than letting her play with gadgets. at dinner table, strictly no gadgets and when we visit my parents - we will try to encourage my nieces and nephews and dd to play or talk to each other rather than glue to the TV or iPad.

My dd and one of her classmates are the only 2 students in her class without FB account. DD recounted that during those days where they have to stay back for remedial , there is usually an hour break before remedial starts ... instead of finishing up their work , a lot of her peers spend their time FB-ing and they do get distracted.

Good habits have to be cultivated.

[PhoBIA]

I agree with beanbear. If kids are too deprived, they may turn to other avenues.

So it’s better to expose them under our watchful eyes.
All adults in the family must comply with the limits set. Children are very smart to test the limits. Once another adult bends the rule for them, they will not comply with the rules anymore.

[Mychildren]

Will not buy or give ipad or iphone for my children at this moment. Maybe next year, get elder boy a simple kind of handphone instead for calling or sms purpose to tell he is staying back in school or cancellation of any supplementary lessons etc.


My DH and I, let them have a handy laptop instead of iphone because they can use it for schoolwork purpose. They forked out their own $ using their new year, birthday red packets plus their savings. So they know that they need to saved up for something they want. Hard to get will makes them treasure what they have.

[jollybeans]

I flatly refused to get an Ipad for my son.


However, he being a boy, I do understand that boys like to play interactive games. It actually helps them in their social life in school as the boys do talk about such games in class.

Thus, I only allow him to play computer games, Wii or even our Iphones. ONLY 3 times per week, for only 30 mins per time. However, I’ll let him play 45 mins of Wii as it has a longer set of game with actions. He understand the ground rules. Homework ( school or mummy’s ) first then play.

[joyceharper]

beanbear:

I believe in cultivating self-control. Gadgets in themselves are not bad. Whether the gadget is TV, computers, ipad, iphone or whatever. It's about how much time you spend on these stuff.


I prefer to teach my kids about limiting their exposure to any kinds of gadgets. One day, our kids will stop asking us for permission to do things. When that time comes, I hope the training they have received early on about setting self-limits will kick in and they know what's reasonable amount of time to spend on things that are pleasurable and to discern when they have have spent too much time on pleasurable things that take you away from things that are important.

Too much deprivation can cause a child to crave and long for it. I won't be able to stop my child's friends from giving my child the exposure. Hence I prefer that my children are exposed to gadgets under my watchful eye.

I've seen my friends kids who are overly deprived and they go overboard or try to do things secretly when they are under too strict controls. When the parents find out, they realize the child has been too suppressed.

For eg, my kids get 30mins TV each day but 45 mins of playground where they get physical activity. They only get to play ipad or phone games on weekends and that's also limited to 30mins. They only get to play Wii during the June holidays and during that time, it's also limited to 45mins per session 2-3 times a week.

All my gadgets are within easy reach, no need for lock and key but my children do not touch them even when I'm not at home. I've trained them to always ask for permission if they want to play the computer or ipad. I'm glad to say after the early years of training, my kids are aware of what the limitations are. They put on the Timer when they are watching TV or using gadgets and switch off once the timer is off. Siblings mutually monitor each other. When one kid breaks the rule, they report to me. Kids get punished and they learn their lesson.

I've shown them newspaper articles about teenage cyber addictions that's led to death and talked to them many times about the importance of self-discipline whether it's food, games or whatever. It's about moderation and choosing your limits. I talk about trust too. The more they demonstrate they are able to follow the limits, the more freedom they will be given.

that's a good point.
everything in excess can be detrimental, but things in moderation and supervision can be good. i read somewhere, that totally depriving a child of something can cause them to rebel in later years and indulge in what they were deprived of. However, if they do not feel deprived and they understand the principles they are more likely to grow up with their own self-control.

after all, our role as parents is not just for the short term.

[chinJ1]

I too gave a flat no, no matter what they are just kids and at the most they need a phone to be contactable and not play with. At least that is what I think but my wife is of the thought to give them exposure on social media and what not esp cos of the new changes in psle…any thoughts on this?

[ammonite]

For me, amount of exposure depends on amount of supervision I am willing to provide. Current exposure is very limited and my p2 boy is not interested. Right now I talk to him about stranger danger and Internet safety/bullying whenever the opportunity arises. Many of my relatives have Facebook account for their children even though they are underaged. My children do not have them, and I have told them they should NOT put their addresses online. Good friends will know how to contact them. Friends who are not close do not need to know them. Strangers should not have them. This is my most basic rule. I think they should know the rules before, and not only after they start using social media.


Personally I will not change how I raise my kids just because Psle format is changing... No offense intended. anyway Internet lingo is mostly shorthand,I don't see how it will improve their English!

[joyceharper]

I was just talking to another dad the other day. He’s Australian and he was just talking about how all this technology is more than just whether or not kids are properly occupied. He made an interesting point on how if for example, your son/daughter wants an iPhone 5 because it just launched. You tell them no because you feel that it is expensive and they are too young to be owning such an expensive phone. Then they say "what if I work for it?" and you think that that might be a good idea because it will teach them responsibility.


However, there are other factors that come into play. If, for example, he/she really does work and earns money and buys the phone. The lesson he/she could have learned is that he/she works to earn money so they can buy things. Those are still wrong values. Because it will only progress into materialism. They could work to buy a car, a house, date their significant other in expensive restaurants, travel on holidays – but they may not learn how to save or invest or give.

I never saw it that way, but it made me really think about this topic.

[janmumtham]

I said no to mine because I can’t afford it. They understand.