Different religion
-
Insider,
I like this 2 points:
1. Listen to the other person with respect and with an open heart.
2. Understand that he thinks he is trying to benefit us through his behaviour, even if we may not feel this is the case.
If only the other religion who is activity soliciting understands this too! -
i thought by marrying a muslim gal, the son have to take on her religion? no?
parents not acknowledging their kid’s future partner due to difference in religion may not only be mainly a religious issue. if all parents are supposed to give ‘unconditional love’, why are there parents rejecting their kid’s future partner based on:-
- same gender
- different race
- one is a single parent
- great difference in age
- difference in social background
etc etc etc. -
jedamum:
This is so, jedamum.i thought by marrying a muslim gal, the son have to take on her religion? no?
But although it is rarely practiced, I know a muslim lady who converted into a Catholic because she married one who could provide her with a better life. She already had 2 kids then and her ex-husband was a drug addict.
I suppose one has to be really motivated to go against the grain.
-
insider:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
亲爱的妈妈，jedamum:
parents not acknowledging their kid's future partner due to difference in religion may not only be mainly a religious issue. if all parents are supposed to give 'unconditional love', why are there parents rejecting their kid's future partner based on:-
- same gender
- different race
- one is a single parent
- great difference in age
- difference in social background
etc etc etc.
请你少爱我一点...
Well said! Religion cannot be forced upon someone else. If it is, then it's not an authentic conversion and ultimately meaningless right? I think your friend will live to regret this.
We have Buddhists, Taoists, Christians, freethinkers and aethists in our family. DS1 will ask about different beliefs and while we explain, we tell him it's something he can take his time to discover, find out, and decide when he's much older - if he ever feels he needs to decide. Partly because we don't want our children to be \"brainwashed\" before they can think and decide for themselves, DH and I prefer non-religious schools at the primary level. -
insider:
... Classmate just cannot accept. She said \"I dont care about the colour of the skin and as long as his girlfriend can be converted into a Christian, I can accept her; else over my death bed.\" ...
sounds like ...
\"I don't care .. blah blah blah...
as long as she convert from Wii to XBox Kinect,
I can accept her; else over my death bed.\"
:rotflmao: -
jedamum:
Parents are rejecting that because first, they believe they have the experience and expertise to know what's good for their kid (may or may not be true), and second, they have a prior expectation of what kind of spouse their kid should have.
parents not acknowledging their kid's future partner due to difference in religion may not only be mainly a religious issue. if all parents are supposed to give 'unconditional love', why are there parents rejecting their kid's future partner based on:-
- same gender
- different race
- one is a single parent
- great difference in age
- difference in social background
etc etc etc.
For many parents, they take it upon themselves to direct their child towards a path of what they think is happiness (as defined for them, and by inference, for him too) every step along the way. Inference may be right or wrong.
Sometimes you can't fault the inference because they are general truths (Eating more vegetables and salad is good for you), but if it is about personal choices like career, it can be frequently wrong IF the parent and child have very different characters. A domineering parent may like her daughter to be a manager/director because the best thing in the world to her is to be in charge, but the mild-mannered service-oriented daughter may choose to be a nurse, or be in hospitality.
Parents also fear their child may make a mistake and/or have a tough time in life, because given such a situation themselves, they feel they will have a tough time in life.
Also, usually parents of that age where kids are grown up do not really want to move mountains to adapt to and accommodate strange situations (DIL being of a different race, religion, language etc). They rather mountains be moved to accommodate them (\"Why can't you just listen to me this time around, like you used to when you're 7\")
Parents need to keep a balance between
1) wanting their kid to be happy, and looking at things from his point of view
2) wanting their kid to make them happy -
insider:
Sounds like both mother and son have strong-willed and intelligent personalities, and are those type that do not take to different advice kindly.Met up with an old gang of classmates over the weekend.
Have this lecturer classmate with an 18 years old son in a top JC. Son attends church since young with whole family.
He started dating a Muslim girl. My classmate bit her tongue and kept quiet coz his A levels exams were coming.
Once exams over, classmate tried to reason with him that she doesn't allow him to date someone of a different faith.
Son insists and carries on dating.
Mother and son in cold war.
Classmate gave him the ultimum of break off or she will not give him anymore pocket money.
Son continues.
Classmate threatened to disown him.
Son left home and til now refuses to come home.
Classmate turns to cell group for help and cell group advised to talk to the son slowly.
Classmate just cannot accept. She said \"I dont care about the colour of the skin and as long as his girlfriend can be converted into a Christian, I can accept her; else over my death bed.\"
Strong statement but internal must be bleeding badly.
I fail to see why need to take it so hard coz it's just dating and not say like going to get married. Even if it is marriage, whose marriage it is? Can't we just love kids unconditionally? Son's current thinking most likely to be \"I love her doesnt mean I don't love you and I don't love God. Why can't I have both do you have to force me to choose?\"
Mummy's thinking, \"I love you very much and I only want you to be on the right path. Mummy is older than you and can see further than you. Listen to me and follow my direction and you will have happiness later in life.\"
Being in a top JC, classmate just cannot let go of her intelligent son and trust that he will make the right decision eventually, whatever that decision maybe. If her God gives her son a test, there must be a strong reason behind it...
The words in bold are probably said in the heat of the moment.
Your friend certainly doesn't want her son and his gf becoming Christians eventually, but are totally estranged from her. That can happen because they feel too hurt.
Being a Christian is about your OWN personal relationship with God, whether you're a leper or a saint, a pastor or a prisoner, and its not about holding/not holding joss sticks nor is it really about going to church every Sunday rain or shine. Nor should one worry too much about other people's personal relationships with God because everyone has his own path to that.
Sure, going to church every Sunday does give you a better chance to improve your own relationship with God, and also to be exposed to good fellowship who may inspire you to learn and love and give. But if one hangs around in church aimlessly, or learns to despise other people just because they are not Christians, or mixes with fellowship that only compares notes with one another about material stuff, or engage in trivial gossip, then one might as well not do so.
The best way to convince others of the love of Jesus Christ is to be a mini-Christ. To show the love, and not to tell others about it, is the best way. -
qizai:
Err... I know of someone who is in a similar dispute.
Sounds like both mother and son have strong-willed and intelligent personalities, and are those type that do not take to different advice kindly.insider:
Met up with an old gang of classmates over the weekend.
Have this lecturer classmate with an 18 years old son in a top JC. Son attends church since young with whole family.
He started dating a Muslim girl. My classmate bit her tongue and kept quiet coz his A levels exams were coming.
Once exams over, classmate tried to reason with him that she doesn't allow him to date someone of a different faith.
Son insists and carries on dating.
Mother and son in cold war.
Classmate gave him the ultimum of break off or she will not give him anymore pocket money.
Son continues.
Classmate threatened to disown him.
Son left home and til now refuses to come home.
Classmate turns to cell group for help and cell group advised to talk to the son slowly.
Classmate just cannot accept. She said \"I dont care about the colour of the skin and as long as his girlfriend can be converted into a Christian, I can accept her; else over my death bed.\"
Strong statement but internal must be bleeding badly.
I fail to see why need to take it so hard coz it's just dating and not say like going to get married. Even if it is marriage, whose marriage it is? Can't we just love kids unconditionally? Son's current thinking most likely to be \"I love her doesnt mean I don't love you and I don't love God. Why can't I have both do you have to force me to choose?\"
Mummy's thinking, \"I love you very much and I only want you to be on the right path. Mummy is older than you and can see further than you. Listen to me and follow my direction and you will have happiness later in life.\"
Being in a top JC, classmate just cannot let go of her intelligent son and trust that he will make the right decision eventually, whatever that decision maybe. If her God gives her son a test, there must be a strong reason behind it...
The words in bold are probably said in the heat of the moment.
Your friend certainly doesn't want her son and his gf becoming Christians eventually, but are totally estranged from her. That can happen because they feel too hurt.
Being a Christian is about your OWN personal relationship with God, whether you're a leper or a saint, a pastor or a prisoner, and its not about holding/not holding joss sticks nor is it really about going to church every Sunday rain or shine. Nor should one worry too much about other people's personal relationships with God because everyone has his own path to that.
Sure, going to church every Sunday does give you a better chance to improve your own relationship with God, and also to be exposed to good fellowship who may inspire you to learn and love and give. But if one hangs around in church aimlessly, or learns to despise other people just because they are not Christians, or mixes with fellowship that only compares notes with one another about material stuff, or engage in trivial gossip, then one might as well not do so.
The best way to convince others of the love of Jesus Christ is to be a mini-Christ. To show the love, and not to tell others about it, is the best way.
But, key difference is that the mother (christian) is against the muslim other half but ok with gals from other religions.
Reason being:
Marrying a muslim gal means you have to reject your God, reject your Chinese name (and henceforth identify) and if it is a Malay Msian, it is akin to losing your son/ daughter forever (they have to convert to marry).
If it is other religion (other than muslim), there will not be the above 'rejections\".
As such, i can totally understand where the mother is coming from. Im not saying that this is rite or wrong, but, if your son/ daughter is going to fully reject his/ her identify (akin to cutting off his ties with you), i think maybe we would have the same reaction??
Dunno - but i do wonder sometimes what will i do if i encounter such a situation later in life.
Just my 2 cents - apologies if anyone feels offended. -
I was raised a catholic, fell in love with a muslim and converted for the sake of the marriage… I think that qualifies as a death penalty in pakistan :x We got married in a catholic church and a mosque so both parents would be happy though in essence I did the catholic wedding out of respect for my mother… she really didnt care in the end what the religion was so long as we were both happy - her parents were adament that I must be a muslim though my wife really wasnt that concerned. The main thing however is that I knew my wifes expectations and beliefs and she knew mine…
At that time I believed in some ultimate presence though it has since evolved into atheism in which she has joined me… I could never have married someone who believes in a different belief system from me - so if I now met anyone religious who demanded an observance of god, I wouldnt be attracted to them. If you are in the early stages of a relationship and cant agree its probably better to walk away - if you both believe in different manifestations of the same fairy tale then once the chemical reactions subside, you will be even more resentful when you start hating his annoying habits and his stupid beliefs and vice versa. -
just my 2 cents… if the religion cannot be converted to another, then please educate your children while they are young of this requirement. It’s easier to brainwash them when they are 6yo than when they are 16yo. My mom always told me we could not be converted since I was a kid.
So when I was 19yo, and a nice Chinese-Malay boy told me he liked me, I told him frankly it was just not possible coz I can never be a Muslim. We never went out at all. I am not very religious as a person, but it was in my knowledge not to go against the tenets of my religion at the very least. Why generate additional headaches for everyone? A marriage is not just between 2 people. It is a marriage of 2 families.
My Christian fren was forced to break up with her Catholic bf as her dad was super religious and insisted she married someone from her own Christian church. She eventually married a guy from the same Christian denomination but from another church and still encounters problems (coz it’s not the SAME church!)
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