Changes In Children

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

I love to speak Mandarin outside Singapore. It matches my hair and skin.

Yeah agree..it may be offensive to some people who do not agree but I am quite pleased that people cannot guess I am a Singaporean when I speak Mandarin overseas.

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Hi, I thought we should be proud to be a Singaporean!


I remembered in the 80s and 90s Singaporeans were the one easily spotted/heard once they open their mouth especially during oversea trips.

Well, how things change with time. Luckily India is once British Colony otherwise I need to learn Hindi/Tamil (actually many other languages in India I was told); not forgetting Russia too.

[daisyt]

westmom:

Glad to find this thread.....staying cool when your inside is \"exploding\" is a big feat ! My hair is growing whiter by the day having to deal with answer back and I hate you forever kind of outburst. How do you guys deal it when dd say \"i hate you\" in her moment of anger. Do you ignore the remark and walk away or you confront it? I tell her \"i don't get bothered with such remarks\" and walk away...but i wonder whether that is the right way of dealing with it...

I find that the best way to deal with answer back is pull the child to one side, \"OK, lets sit down and have a debate.\" Reason out our thoughts to them and their thoughts to us.

Don't forget, while we parents are here learning from each other how to handle our kids, they too, are learning from their friends in school, how to handle we, the parents. Just as we don't want to pressurised our kids too much because we know well their limits, the kids should also know our limits and not push us to the end of the wall. We have to get this message right and clear to them.

A dad has mentioned, in other thread about discipline and he recommend this book \"Dare to discipline\". Actually, no need to read this book, by seeing the title, can really wake most of us up. Sometimes, I see my friends handling their kids and I can't help but to ask, \"Why some parents nowadays are so afraid to discipline their children ?\"

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Hi Daisyt,


Is it something to do with human right thing?

I heard over FM95.8 that western approach towards a child is through ‘let go’, ‘lots of encouragement’ and ‘dare to experience’ and Singapore society is very much into it…you know the TLC aspects of it.

On the other hand eastern approach is very much exercising ‘authority’, ‘discipline’ and ‘emphasise on values/filial piety’ etc…very much along the line of ‘tough love’

Do you agree?

[daisyt]

hi Bear.w.me, I don't think so because the book \"Dare to Discipline\" is written by ang mo leh.


I personall feel that, we must adopt to both western and eastern approaches. Mix them well to teach our kids.

I agree and practise the approaches of 'let go', 'lots of encouragement' and 'dare to experience' but I also won't relax to 'authority', 'discipline' and 'emphasise on values/filial piety' at the appropriate time.

Someone told me before, discipline a child is like training our pet dog. First you must let them know who is the boss.
Then, you teach them the basic rules and regulations to observe and obey.
Follow by teaching them new things with rewards, encouragement and love.
However, sometimes, they would want to try to cross over the line, to test out if they can be the boss. That is the time, we have to let them know, we are still the boss.
Sorry if it sounds offending to anybody, I am just sharing what I have heard from someone. :lol: I feel, its a matter of using the right approach at the right time.

How about yourself ?

[ZacK]

daisyt:

Someone told me before, discipline a child is like training our pet dog.

Sometimes when I call out to my 10 mth old... I sometimes feel that way... \"Baby! Come to papa...\" as the little one starts to crawl over on all fours... But this is one \"pet\" I would risk my life to protect

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

I would very much like to be that kind of parent as mentioned in FUNastic Parenting but I am not there. I used steps as outlined by you until the reward part…somehow the more reward i give the more they want.


My children’s behaviour do not change to the better with rewards. Is there any step in between that I missed?

For the boss role, of course they know who is the ‘hands that feed them’ but only in the physical sense. They know who to look for when they are hungry, else they would pretty much like to be themselves/to be left alone.

[daisyt]

Bear.w.me:

I would very much like to be that kind of parent as mentioned in FUNastic Parenting but I am not there. I used steps as outlined by you until the reward part....somehow the more reward i give the more they want.


My children's behaviour do not change to the better with rewards. Is there any step in between that I missed?

For the boss role, of course they know who is the 'hands that feed them' but only in the physical sense. They know who to look for when they are hungry, else they would pretty much like to be themselves/to be left alone.

Hi Bear.w.me, earlier in your post, you mentioned you are a 7-11 parent. Can it because you are too available for them ? What kind of rewards you gave usually ? Girls at this age are very sensitive and need lots of love. A hug and tell them \"I love you\", with a kiss on the cheek or hand can mean a lot to them. Also try talking to them in all kinds of topics they like. Get into their interests, try to remember the names of their friends, who they are, what are their characters. Talk to them about their friends, and your friends too.

Do they get to experience and understand the other boss's roles, eg. helping them to solve problems, listen to their problems etc. ?

[daisyt]

ZacK:

daisyt:

Someone told me before, discipline a child is like training our pet dog.

Sometimes when I call out to my 10 mth old... I sometimes feel that way... \"Baby! Come to papa...\" as the little one starts to crawl over on all fours... But this is one \"pet\" I would risk my life to protect

:rotflmao:

[Bear.014745w.014745me]

Hi Dasyt,


Yes, I am always available for them when they need me.

I hug and kiss them good night most of the time unless I am not around. Bedtime stories are getting less often as they grow up.

Listening to them is what I need to do more, thanks for the reminder.