桃花谈
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PART 3 - INTERRUPTED
As I was penning my ‘strategy’ to you, suddenly I have this thought that your husband may be also reading the site that you go to.
So, I will stop here for a while else my ‘strategy’ may not be effective.
Pls pm me if you are ok with me continuing with the sharing in the open.
I hope you can understand that they are some others who are also suffering like you and all can learn from each other.
PS all readers:
I will go on with the fengshui part nonetheless when I can find time…
TGIF!! -
insider:
Since these guys are not young, how do you know that they are not married men? Match making your girlfriends will involve a certain amount of risks. Your girlfriends might blame you if these guys end up with hidden agenda. Better to be safe than sorry. Not easy for middle aged women to let go of failed relationships. You are a smart woman with a happy marriage, try not to keep in touch with that over friendly man. Once again, thank you for sharing with all of us here.limlim:
Per title mah.....
no answer to my question..... :sad:
ok lah ok lah limlim. Stop hopping around 'gloomily' and i will take this small pocket of time to share something light (so as to 'justify' the thread title? heeheehee...).
Any person of sexual attraction that appears outside one's marriage = 烂桃花.
He still appears to be 'very keen' despite knowing that I am married.
He is a few years younger than me and has been smsing me like almost every weekend to go out (in groups).
Just like he is a 烂桃花 to me, actually I am also such to him coz if I am someone who is flirtatious, then may end up like Gay or one of those recently 'famous' ones with a broken family.
He is an experienced businessman and I do expect some sort of 'maturity' in him and let's see whether I can 'straighten' something with him discreetly this weekend to remain as an acquaintance or a simple friend.
If by this weekend either of my friends cannot find any possible chemistry with the man whom I 'spotted', then I will stop meeting him again. (his friend looks 'brighter' than him in terms of 慧根).
Actually all these men make me wonder about the danger of 烂桃花 which are quite aplenty outside if one is not careful enough and the danger of a spouse mis-picking up one if he / she is in a bad mood and from there, to start a probable tragedy... -
mummy so kiasu:
hahaha...my girls are all veli smart people, capable of conning men if they want to.
Since these guys are not young, how do you know that they are not married men? Match making your girlfriends will involve a certain amount of risks. Your girlfriends might blame you if these guys end up with hidden agenda. Better to be safe than sorry. Not easy for middle aged women to let go of failed relationships. You are a smart woman with a happy marriage, try not to keep in touch with that over friendly man.
These are all matured people who are not born yesterday.
So far, those men except one claimed that they are single. These claims need to be verified.
As said, I am never worried about how people want to blame me as long as my initial intention is a good one. I will open the door for them and then it's up to them to look see. Even if subsequently they got conned is still a good experience...
No worry about me. I 桃花 specialist mah. Have seen enough men to know how to handle. This younger man is nowhere near my 'power' and so no worry at all (I can sense people's Qi and so will avoid if I feel I am unable to handle).
He can be a 桃花 in another sense if I manage to change his perhaps current 'ulterior motive' towards me. He is in a business related to my husband and there is a possibility of collaboration somewhere sometime. I don't anyhow shut my door unless if I definitely have to. Who knows one day he can even be my husband's buyer/supplier!
四海之内皆兄弟 - my network is quite extensive coz of my never 拒人于千里之外...
A short story:
I used to go to a massage parlour regularly and could chat well with the male boss. My kids were asking me how come need to be so friendly huh? I just said friendliness is free mah...
My centre lease was expiring and I had to relocate.
I spent about 9 months looking for a premises with no suitable location.
OK lah, if no luck then I had to plan to close down the centre lor. (towards $$$, I 看得 very kai.)
On the last day of the 6th month before the centre's lease expiry, I received a call from this man unexpectedly. (all centres are required to give parents 6 months notice for closure / relocation. Meaning if by the 6th month before lease expiry I still cannot find a location, then I have to inform all parents about the likely closing down fate of the centre).
He told me he had closed down his massage parlour and became a property agent. And that he had a location for me and whether I wanted to take a look at it.
Strange coz I had not told anyone, include my staff, about I need to relocate the centre (it has always been a 'secret' for centres in such predicament so that parents would not be shaken and might start consider withdrawing and transferring kids).
I just met him to take a look at the new premises.
It was signed.
I managed to transfer my WHOLE centre to the new premises upon the lease expiry!
See, my friendliness is free but then the returns can be so bountiful...
PS: This man is a 贵人 who brought me millions...
PS2: People with weaker Qi cannot be like me hor. Those with weaker Qi must preferably be see no evils, hear no evils kind then can have a higher chance of do no evils...
PS3: Suddenly remember Ah Lam's saying,
\"你怕黑吗？如果你怕黑，那你不是白白的活着？“...... -
insider:
Thanks Insider. I am not so worried about DS bringing ill fortune to me but it got to me because he said the relationship between me and DS will be bad. I think every mother's fear is her own children getting estranged from them. And having this stranger looking at your birth details and saying it with so much conviction, it was unsettling.
Fortune telling is sort of like a Pandora Box and so I don't encourage people to purposely go and tell fortune.Funz:
I have this thing that has been kinda a nagging worry that surfaces now and then. That is why I don't quite like the idea of fortune telling...
This thread brought that nagging worry back again.
You see I don't even tell the fortune of my own kids until recently I told for my niece.
My elder son, as you know, has always been a daredevil that loves sports that make my heart skips a beat.
His main star is a 七杀 star - is a star that will not be contented with staying at the same place and doing the same thing. It's a chiong and chiong star. Basically this full of fighting spirit star comes with high probable chances of injuries.
If I would have seen his stars earlier, I might have worried myself unnecessarily for the past 19 years.
All this while, I have been keeping my cool and accepted his risk taking nature (coz even if I want to stop him, I don't think this will bring the both of us anywhere coz he is unlikely to listen). What I have been doing is still to grow my internal wisdom to rub on him so that he can be protected by the 'membrane'.
He is such a kind boy. So, he should be fine...
PS:
Earlier on you mentioned someone told you you'll always have a 贵人 with you. I suspect this 贵人 is the 解神 star which is a 'force' or someone who may appear to help you to 逢凶化吉. So, don't be too affected by the talk that your son will 'ke' you. You are a relatively strong woman and so should have enough wisdom to receive the 'force' of 解神 to deal with your son even he is really going to be your 克星. You see, he can be a 克星 but then if you are strong enough with the help of 解神, then you can overpower him to prevent him from 克ing you.
Continue to be kind and nothing can harm you...
As for the 贵人 thing, it came from this same guy so I don't put much stock in it. :razz: But if I do look back, life has been pretty smooth. Whenever I am about at breaking point, somehow things will straighten itself out. -
insider:
Since these guys are not young, how do you know that they are not married men? Match making your girlfriends will involve a certain amount of risks. Your girlfriends might blame you if these guys end up with hidden agenda. Better to be safe than sorry. Not easy for middle aged women to let go of failed relationships. You are a smart woman with a happy marriage, try not to keep in touch with that over friendly man.limlim:
Per title mah.....
no answer to my question..... :sad:
ok lah ok lah limlim. Stop hopping around 'gloomily' and i will take this small pocket of time to share something light (so as to 'justify' the thread title? heeheehee...).
Any person of sexual attraction that appears outside one's marriage = 烂桃花.
He still appears to be 'very keen' despite knowing that I am married.
He is a few years younger than me and has been smsing me like almost every weekend to go out (in groups).
Just like he is a 烂桃花 to me, actually I am also such to him coz if I am someone who is flirtatious, then may end up like Gay or one of those recently 'famous' ones with a broken family.
He is an experienced businessman and I do expect some sort of 'maturity' in him and let's see whether I can 'straighten' something with him discreetly this weekend to remain as an acquaintance or a simple friend.
If by this weekend either of my friends cannot find any possible chemistry with the man whom I 'spotted', then I will stop meeting him again. (his friend looks 'brighter' than him in terms of 慧根).
Actually all these men make me wonder about the danger of 烂桃花 which are quite aplenty outside if one is not careful enough and the danger of a spouse mis-picking up one if he / she is in a bad mood and from there, to start a probable tragedy... -
Hi Insider Da Jie,
My relationship with my mother was similar to your niece with your sister. The difference was that I was timid and faced my mum with fear then.
I am conscious about the fact that i am behaving like my mum having short temper, shouting and screaming when things do not go smoothly as i want. I know this is NOT right as I have been hurt before and i do NOT want my children to be fearful of me. I restrain myself with all my might when things do not go smoothly. And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can’t even be angry when things make me angry.
It is like there is this loud, big, ugly, strong monster inside me, desire to jump out at each slightest opportunity. I do not want it to come out and suppress it. Suppressing it is very hard and frustrating for me. I need a lot of mental strength to do it.
After reading this para about the vicious cycle, I have scary vibes over me, as I was the One who disrupt the positive Qi in the house.
{It is important for a house to be filled with as many positive points as possible and a person to be surrounded by as many positive points as possible. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to try to control their temper as much as possible and to avoid nagging, scolding, quarreling, etc at home (concept of 家和万事兴、家衰口不停）. All these breed negative points within a home and with more and more negative points, even good stars that are supposed to be shining bright will be dimmed by all the negativities in the house = most if not all at home suffer from moodiness, low spirit, etc, and thereby breeding more negative points – vicious cycle.}
I do want good stars to shine brightly for my dh, ds and dd. Since 8 feb, I have been suppressing the monster inside me. I will look away when I saw things that will invite the monster out. I will take a breath and adjust the vol. of my voice when I need to repeat my instructions again.
My hb was a little uncomfortable he say why dun I just spit what I want to say and not hold it inside. I think he saw the part that it was really difficult for me, made him feel uncomfortable. I ask for some time, it will be alright soon.
Ds used to cry his way thru when I coach him in his studies which frustrated me very much. These few weeks, I have been adjusting my expectations on him and this week, he is pretty much on auto mode, whining was less than usual and wanting to do more even when I told him to go and rest. He is more vocal, speaking up for himself. He wanted me to check one of the problem sum if he had done correctly. It was a difficult one and i frowned my brows, he saw my expression and say,"Tell me what went wrong, dun scold me hor!" in a light hearted way. Omg, I realized I must be doing that all the while and he was hurt, didnt know how to react but with tears. I smiled and acknowledged his words. And guess what, he got that tricky problem sum correct.
From time to time, the monster do sneak out but it is getting weaker. I need to build my positive stars to shine brightly to clear up my 无明 that have been around for years.
谢谢insider大姐! -
Brown bear
My situation is quite like yours. I also have to try very hard to restrain myself and at times when it builds up too much I explode like a volcano. Am trying to work on this part too. -
Brown Bear:
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, where have you been?And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can't even be angry when things make me angry.
Hello, thanks for opening up the monster in you!
Don't mind I wanted to laugh at the above statement. Hahaha... (laughing real heartily).
See, it's your whole mindset that needs to be changed. Many things are just neutral but then coz of your subjective interpretation, they become negative. No one makes you angry and it's you who make yourself angry most of the time!
So, if you can change the way you view things, then you will not get angry as often. Accept there's a Grey between Black and White...
Just try to give up always winning at home, then you will be the ultimate winner = everyone wins...
Tell yourself losing to your husband and your kids are absolute OK, then there will be more peace (since you know you are bad temper = big patch of 无明 = surrender yourself and let the other calmer ones lead you. Even if there's no calm ones at home, you also cannot be the Leader else all maybe led to 死胡同. Your husband sounds like a nice man leh...).
I am glad that you are working towards taming yourself. Slowly but surely, you and everyone will get better!
How? Set yourself a three to five years target and look back at that time to this time and I believe you will see a big difference in every family member's life...
滴水穿石...... -
To continue with my story. I’m also like insider’s second sis marry young to escape the family. My parents did not get along too. Father quick-tempered and mother stubborn, must win all the time. When angry, bang here bang there, scold A indirectly by taking it out on B. Me being the youngest child used to get it a lot of times.
I was however very lucky to marry a good man. He has lots more 仁，智，勇 compared to me.
Besides of my own family background I was very conscious not to create the same unhappy environment for my kids but sad to say I do have some of the same flaws although it is to a lesser extent.
I see my dd is quite similar to me - insecure, temperamental and impatient. Am trying to correct myself so that I can help her.
Ds1 is more like his father and has good 人缘 so less worried about him.
My r/s with my mother is quite bad. Now I only see her every other month and no phone calls in between. I only see her because I need to give her allowance. I know it’s very bad of me but I really wasn’t motivated to do anything about this till I read this thread. It is indeed very timely for me. It’s going to be difficult but I’m going to try one small step at a time. -
hi fairy
Thank you for sharing the inspirational story about DIL MIL.
I was strictly brought up v sheltered and my mom was successful in molding us into obedient children. So as an adult, my style is to listen, avoid confrontation and try to please. I treated my MIL even better than my own mother. My mom I could "talk back" nicely and becos she loves me, she may compromise.
The diff w MIL is she is not my mother. After so many years, with maturity, I realised the wrong thing I did is marry her beloved son. I never talk back to her whenever she scolds me. The more I endured, the more frequent the scoldings, the worse the treatment. No matter how I do things, it is never correct even if I follow her way.
When I could not take it anymore, we had a very fierce quarrel after 15 years of endurance. Then I started standing up for what I feel is impt. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Guess what. She scolded me less becos I was no longer a pushover.
But insider posted this morning
"When dealing with old folks, I feel it’s not so important whether they are right or wrong. If things are of not life threatening nature, even if they are wrong we can also close one eye instead of trying to correct them…For example, not everything that my mum does is correct but I will just oblige to keep her happy coz making her happy (and not making myself happy) is my Guiding Principle whenever I come into contact with her. Nothing matter more than the Happiness of my mum - that’s my Guiding Principle that I will never lose sight of!)"
So while it is easy to do the Guiding Principle for my own mum, for my MIL it is hard. I worry the more I endure, the worser treatment I get. Just this CNY, her own daughters confided that mum is getting more unreasonable because everyone is spoiling her by "enduring" scoldings even when undeserved. But I want good karma for my kids so I will try to improve the relationship - baby steps. Maybe I am too reserved and serious. Let me try smiling, pleasant face first.
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